"Is that Normal, Dad?"
Adult SKs came for an impromptu overnight visit with kids and dogs last weekend. We went way over the top making them all feel comfortable and didn't get a thank you, so we decided we will not be doing that again (gave up OUR bed for the youngest who just had a baby). Next time, they know our bedroom situation, if they want to stay, here's the air mattress! My husband actually is the one who said that to me, by the way, after they left. His youngest seemed to have some kind of chip on her shoulder!! Maybe it's because she's a new mom or who knows.
Anyway, during this visit talk about insurance policies/pensions, etc. came to surface because my husband was advocating that his eldest, who has three kids, look into getting insurance of some kind. He explained what he has always had and what he has now. There was a time it was all signed off to his kids, but now he told them that I am the beneficiary for all of his policies, accounts. His youngest actually said, "Is that normal dad???" I just kept quiet. I know how my husband feels about things. He said, "Normal to give everything to my wife, umm. yes."
I was kinda shocked by her blunt comment and find it quite "telling." Interesting.
We actually have detailed wills, etc. and his daughters will each get money but no, they are not listed as main beneficiaries, only if we both die. As for my accounts, if we both die my money would go to my nephews, not them. Otherwise it goes to my husband. (very normal.. lol).
His daughters are good people, they are -- but they are women and more specifically, they are their mother's daughters. Games ARE played, I am not stupid, I just don't join in. My husband sees things, though, and validates with me. I keep my opinion to myself, but I sure do have some. If they could, they would rule the roost, but thankfully Dad doesn't allow it. He told me the order of things for him is "wife, kids, family, friends, job." He means that, too. I guess I am a lucky one. I just remember my role is to support my husband. If a relationship happens with his daughters I can see it will take years and years to get there. I won't force anything. Their true feelings come out sometimes and it surprises me.
- Hikinggal's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Dang that's luck!!! If your
Dang that's luck!!! If your DH wants to explain to my DH about how wife comes first that would be grand! Lmao
Wow, ya, that's normal. We do
Wow, ya, that's normal. We do estate plans for people all the time. BM's great aunt got really sick and suddenly BM was besties with her. When she passed, the skids told us that the gov't robbed great aunt, in other words, BM didn't get the big payout she though she was going to. SS told me, he was 13 at the time, that he was going to "take care" of SO's stuff when he died. Ya, I am sure that's what 13 yo boys normally think about. Too bad we are getting married on Friday!
Congrats!!! I didn't get a
Congrats!!! I didn't get a wedding, but I super love them!!! Update us! I hope it's magical!!!
Thanks! We are just going to
Thanks! We are just going to the courthouse for now. It's not steplife related, though.
We did the courthouse.
We did the courthouse. Steplife was chaotic... Nothing quite like dealing with BM on your wedding day because she won't take the kids... Bt did show up to softball...
Haha! Well, both SDs live on
Haha! Well, both SDs live on their own and SS is with us. I think we will tell him about it after. Lol. I told my son but he doesn't even attend big weddings so I seriously doubt he shows up. My daughter is going with my mom that day to bury by grandpa's ashes in another state, been planned for a long time so I said to just go ahead. We are going to have a ceremony in vegas when I am done with school and have a reception in the spring.
Welldo a vow renewal one
Welldo a vow renewal one day... Just gotta get finances in order so we can figure out two locations 2500 miles is a bit too far for either side to travel.
as they say around here, "we
as they say around here, "we just dun run off and got hitched and nobody knowed about it"! lol then on our one year anniversary we did the vowel renewal with family and close friends.
It drives me crazy when
It drives me crazy when people think that a married man should make someone other than his wife the beneficiary of all of his accounts. Those accounts are typically meant to cover living expenses, not to go off and have a bunch of fun.
When DH was trying to get life insurance (which has been a struggle because he has a past medical issue), he wanted to give SSs a big cut of any life insurance payout. I asked him if that meant they were going to be paying for the house after he died. I mean, c'mon, don't leave me high and dry to pay off debts, just so your kids can get an extra financial bump. He then wanted to list his kids as the beneficiaries for his work death benefit. I pointed out to him that the death benefit (which was about $4000) is actually meant to cover death costs, like the cost of a funeral, so if his kids were going to cover that, that was fine, they could be beneficiaries. If not, why did he feel the need to provide for them as adults, while requiring me to dip into whatever I have left to cover his funeral.
And don't even get me started on MIL, who is convinced that her stepmother got some money that MIL's father had supposedly saved to pay for her college education. No matter that MIL's college education and her grad school education was paid for almost 50 years ago by her father, her SM (who was married to MIL's father for 25 years) was still a "gold digger" who "never worked a day in her life." Um, she was born in 1920, I bet a lot of women her age never worked in a day in their lives. MIL's SM just died in August, but no one went to the funeral. None of them have talked to her since MIL's father died in 2009, even though she was a grandmother figure to the children. I don't even think they know she died this year. I know, because I searched for her. Her obituary didn't list any family (other than her being predeceased by two husbands, one who died before she met MIL's father and MIL's father) and she died in a nursing home.
Mind you, when DH's father died, everything went to MIL. Nothing went directly to DH or his siblings, so I'm not sure why he thinks it would be any different in his case. I don't think there will be much left over for DH and his siblings when his mother dies, but they don't seem to be scrambling to protect "what is rightfully theirs" as MIL spends money on herself in her retirement. It's just that everyone assumes that I'm out to screw over his kids, so he has to make sure to subvert me. MIL actually told DH - in front of me - "you should make your brother the executor of your will to ensure the boys get what is rightfully theirs."
It seems morbid and entitled to expect that when your parents die, you'll get a huge payout. It runs counter to the idea that marriage is a partnership when just because your wife is not the mother of your children, your wife should be bypassed and your assets should pass directly to your children on your death. Maybe if you were independently wealthy and wanted to set something aside, but if not, why risk leaving your spouse high and dry just so your kids can feel happy. DH's kids haven't contributed to his earnings and he had less than nothing when he met me, but his family is still worried that I'll keep his kids from getting "what is rightfully theirs" when he dies.
I fairly certain that BM
I fairly certain that BM thinks she'll get a bunch of money if DH dies (actually, I think she thinks that, too, if FIL dies). Nope - I am his executor and all his money goes to me. However, I have been entrusted to ensure the boys are taken care of and that money be put into trusts for them while they are minors. I have no issue with this - I know what is "mine" and what is "theirs". None of the money will ever end up in BM's hands unaccounted for. If both DH and I go, FIL will take over.
It's good to have spouses that "get" it.
Mine isn't concerned... I
Mine isn't concerned... I think he figured I'll auto get everything... And MIL thinks we could just flee the country with the Skids and change our names to keep them from BM... idk where these people get some things:.. Not that we have money... Considering we have BM's loans she took in his name... If she wants those she's more than welcome to them! Lol
Knock on wood... nothing better happen to DH...
You are super lucky and it's
You are super lucky and it's great you know that. I wouldn't count on a relationship after several years. In several years DH will be older and the kids may have heightened expectations about what they are inheriting. After me not being driven away after over decade of marriage, my OSD became increasingly frustrated I was still around, rather than more accepting of me as the family intruder.
Good for your DH!! My SD21
Good for your DH!! My SD21 seems to think that she has the right to make the decision to "pull the plug" if something happens to my DH. With THAT attitude, I'll block that beeyotch from the hospital room!!