I've not been this ready for a weekend in ages. (this may be a tad long)

Its been a long, emotional week, especially for DH. DH has been estranged from middle daugher for 11 years. (She is 30). There was never any falling out, communication (he tried she didn't reply) have never been sure what set it off. We went to her high school graduation, out to dinner after and then for several months after he kept trying to get her to give him College information so he could assist with his GI Bill. The only response was at Christmas when she offered the fact that what she wanted for Christmas was money for books for school. We all know the GI Bill would have covered that and more but she wouldn't even tell him what school she was going to and of course was never included in choosing, touring discussing what schools she was interested in. 

In the last 11 years she has been married, divorced to one guy and then had two children (with a different man but not married). DH reached out years ago and she won't even read his message.

This past weekend she got married to baby daddy. Of course the only reason we knew is because her sister, DH eldest told us. Sister did not go (that is another story).Wednesday estranged daughter started blowing up eldest SD phone with evil vile angry messages. She was upset eldest didn't text/call for nephew's bday on Monday. Eldest reasoning was that her and sister's last text exchange had been so heated about her not attending the wedding she was letting some time and space to cool things off and honestly didn't think sister would read, respond, answer, etc. This text exchange Wednesday between the sisters basically went on all day Wednesday into Thursday with a lot of things said on both sides that probably should have been addressed a really long time ago.

However during the exchange, estranged daughter of course had to bring my DH into it, regardless of him having literally NOTHING to do with any of it. It came out in the day+ of vitriol that she thinks DH abandoned them. She doesn't understand why eldest "idolizes" her dad and gave him all the glory at eldest wedding (earlier in June this year). By glory she means he walked her down the aisle, did a father daughter dance and gave a speech. The traditional things, nothing out of the norm. She called eldest "weird" for wanting all the traditional things.

Eldsest shared a whole scroll worthy amount of the messages and so DH got to see in her own words all the things. For background he was military. Lived in the same town till she was about 9 years old. He was deployed after 9/11 for nearly a year with the Reserves. When he got back, his civilian job gave him the option of keeping his job but in another state and with a significant raise. Or bascially be an hourly employee at the job he had been a manager at for several years prior to deployment. 

He made the hard decision of trying to provide for his family the best way and moved. He and his EX had been divorced since middle daughter  was 1 year old. 

I came into the picture when she was in high school, and my first hand knowledge of his interaction with her was gifts, phone calls, (we didn't quite have FAcetime yet back then) and her denying visitation because she was in a million dance classes/shows/etc. that he helped pay for over and above child support. 

She came for Spring Break one year and her and her sister and DH swam with the dolphins while I stayed back watching the little kids. That was 11th grade. Her senior year we drove 12 hours to go to her last Track Meet and took her to dinner. And then the Graduation and dinner. So I'm not sure who's teaching her the definition of Abandonment but I did not learn this definition. 

DH is sad, deflated and almost like a scab has been picked at after reading the messages. He has compartmentalized a lot and come to peace with the fact he has two grandkids he'll never have a relationship with. There is this hanging feeling of wanting to correct her but we both know it would fall on deaf ears. 

Reading how vile she was to her sister, was infuriating. She is such a gaslighting, selfish little girl. She is the only one that excommunicates people from her life at the slightest hint of injustice to her. Her dad, her lifelong BFF when she felt the BFF sided with the ex husband (she was cheating on him with baby daddy) and now her sister. 

I am NOT going to, but I would love to read her the riot act. Instead I'm venting to the only people that understand the ridiculousness of some of these SKs. 

I hate when the people I care about are hurt, it makes me want to go into fix it mode and when you can't, it is so frustrating. 

Thanks for listening.