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Can anyone relate?

Ioods_mom's picture

Submitted by Ioods_mom on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 8:37pm

Is their any one who is still apart of the stepfamily they grew up in? I came to this site thru a sibling that is a step-parent. We have been members of the same blended family for about 16 years. A matter came up recently, where they saw one side and i saw the other. (we share the same bio parents and the same step parents) an i asked if their exp shaped their views, they said no. this is what took place call from a step parent saying they would not be doing thanksgiving they have other plans. We do every other year w/t parents one we're all there next we're not. We are grown. Sibling feels this is enough notice. i do not. other bio parent is happy both holidays at there house. there are 6 siblings in all those of us who plan have tickets to change. Sibling feels step parent should get time just them,they have no bios. I feel what about the other three hundred some odd days. My kids don't get to see them that often.i love my parents all of them. But this i don't get!

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sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:07pm

This is hard to understand but this is my background: Im SM of SD4, and have BS9mo with my FDH.

FDH is divorced, Ive never been married, his parents have been together for 30+ years. My parents divorced when I was 10, I have one bio brother, and 1stepsis, 1 stepbrother. My SM has been with my dad since I was 12 or so. Stepsiblings do not see their bioDad.

My parents made holidays very easy, dad always did xmas on xmas eve. Thanksgiving on thankgiving day, and Mom did xmas at a different time whenever worked for us, same with thanksgiving.. if nothing worked we just didnt do it. Mom remarried, but his kid was grown, so all of the excitment and people to get together was at dads.

Holidays are such a mess with FDH and BM. Theyre always switching up things, and BM always makes us pretty much miss our plans if we're supposed to get SD for the second part of the day.

FDH's family somewhat plans around when he has SD, but this sometimes makes me miss my families plans. Last year he had xmas eve at his parents and I went to my dads by myself, that sucked.

My stepsiblings have kids and their SO's families to go to too, but they dont have skids so its not as complicated.
I understand making this holiday event this year but not next year. Id like to go to my biobrothers families house for thanksgiving but if we have SD I feel like I cant because we would go to FDH's families house. Maybe next year?

I usually hear from my dad/SM if they have thanksgiving day plans the week of, and thats usually when we figure out if we'll have SD and if FDh's parents are cooking etc. Its normal for it to be last minute, so I wouldnt be surprised when that happens. Last year for thankgiving we did not have SD, and my dad/SM went to a restaurant, that was a first, but every year is different.

cant win for losin's picture

Submitted by cant win for losin on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 4:47am

IMO i dont see a problem. They have plans, they gave notice.
I too come from a blended family anf dpent many many wasted childhood years running around for the holidays. Then when i had kids, ex husband and I BOTH came from blended families. Holy crap, the running, the scheduling, the PRESSURE to be here, there, etc....
When hubby and i split, couple years into post divorce we were both still runnin our ass off trying to have the kids make everything, but ....PLUS at this time we both had SO's to add family into. Waaaaaay toooo much! I stopped it on my end.
I became flexible and set. Flexible in a sense of realizing plans change and set in a sense of plan a, plan b, plan c.
If plan a didnt work, id make plan b. Who cares if plan a was suppose to happen this year or next. I was missin the purpose of the holiday tryin to make sure the plans happened, when and where they were suppose to.
And the purpose was just to enjoy the company of those i loved Smile