Yes, I am sure the SM chopped the dad up with a machete and left his carcass in the hallway so she could attend the meeting. Or she has an invisibility cloak and the Dad didn't see her until the meeting had started.
All of these are just as plausible as the evil SM pushing her way into a meeting, and that just means she is insecure in her relationship.
Riiiiiiiiight.

^^THIS^^
I believe you can ask for her to be removed.
BDad can share whatever info with her he wants afterward.

Stepaside, awesome post.

When DH and I got together, everything was rosy. BM WANTED me involved-of course she did, while DH had National Guard on weekends, she had someone babysitting for her so she could spend the weekends with HER boyfriend.

They needed a ride somewhere and she was sick (i.e., drugged up) and couldn't take them? Call the SM. They had a school meeting and she would rather lay in bed all day? "Agg, could you please go up to the school for me?"

THEN-when DH started putting his foot down and telling her no to every little freaking thing she wanted, then I became the wicked bitch of a SM who stood in the way of everything.
She didn't want me involved unless it suited HER. And since I am no ones bitch, and I wasn't put on this earth to make her life easier, I started telling her no too.

So guess what? She PAS'ed the kids, hounded us constantly about money, and tried to make our lives hell. The SK's suck and she has raised shitty children that she has to take full responsibility for, since she cut DH out of their lives.

So now, I am the SM from hell. And I am just fine with it. I will not lift a finger for her fucking kids who have been nothing but disrespectful. The days of buying clothes and going on trips are over, and they blame me, and I don't care. I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

So, OP, if this is the way you want to go with this, and call for war when a truce would better serve everyone, then go ahead. You might end up with someone like me having your kid over every other weekend and not loving them and caring for them, but only tolerating their presence. And thank God I don't even have to do that anymore.

Why not allow it? You don't know the situations. In fact, I DID allow it. MY kids dad had a GF once that was involved with my kids and interested in their lives-she probably took more interest in them at times than their own dad did. Why would I be threatened by her going to a meeting?

I was their mother. I was confident enough in my parenting role that I knew no one was going to take my place. Isn't that what it boils down to? If the BD's mom had come, there probably wouldnt have been a word said-but a girlfriend? Oh no, that is dangerous territory for an insecure parent.

It is nothing but insecurity and jealousy for a BM to behave this way. At least give it the benefit of a doubt, and if it starts going south, tell her to leave. I know quite a few BM's that spit nails when their ex brings another woman to something, but they think it is perfectly ok to have their new man in attendance.

I guess I will have to go back and read where you think people are getting ugly. And if this is the most embarrassed you have ever been of this site, well, WOW. Really? After some of the stuff that has went down on these boards? Allrighty then.

I agree none of us would be okay with a GF being involved in our kids school decisions. No matter what they say on here. If she was custodial and living with the Biodad, then maybe she can be involved in the discussions. But, I don't think I would ever want her there. Thankfully this is not an issue for me.

I do not get involved in this stuff at all. I did go to my first open house in 6 years with SS since we were getting full custody. But, I only spoke if DH forgot to mention something. But that is it. I am uncomfortable right now because SS has asked me to chaperone a field trip. His mom is not involved at all. If she were, I wouldn't do this.

If anyone thinks that they would not have an issue with SM there, they are fooling themselves. I am sure if BM figured out that I was involved in anyway, she would be having a fit.

Willow, I have to agree. Some things are for the PARENTS to handle. I NEVER waltzed in as the GF and participated in school meetings and the like.
As a WIFE, I attended school conferences and mediation for court.

If I were the OP, I'd be irriatated, too. Every Tina, Diane, and Mary that biodad dates isn't privileged to parental rights.

Are you even a little surprised by the responses on here, though? SO MANY double standards... So ugly when it comes out.

}:) good for you pointing that out. I was wondering the same thing myself.

So you have lived it. Children being told to disregard or disrespect their step parent, how sad for all involved.

Putting the children first is not easy sometimes. You have to be very secure with who you are and where you fit in your child's life, to let other adults give guidance and direction to your child. But it happens in the step world with or with out the bio parents blessing everyday.

So you might as well make the GF, SO, Step parent part of the process/solution. We do have influence. Just because there is not a wedding ring on their hand doesn't mean they are not an influencer in your childs life.

Trust me the fskids in my life would walk on water for me. There is no ring on my hand and I really don't know if I will ever be able to marry again.

Telling your child to disrespect any adult they have in their lives will only come back to haunt you as a parent.

Yes I have.
The SST at one school I taught in now requires both bio parents to agree before step parents, aunts, grandparents...are allowed in the meeting.

Maybe GF doesn't think dad is capable of retaining/delivering the info. She may fear he will leave out a few details like what BM was wearing,how her hair looked, did she smile, was she uneasy... you know all the important stuff.

Just kidding

I think I'm going to give my son's dad a call this evening. After reading the things posted on step talk, I really need to thank him and his wife. He married a secure woman. We never had any of these issues. She didn't try to parent my son and I didn't try to control her house.

Not sure who you're referring to here, but I'm anything but insecure as a mother. I KNOW I'm a damn fine one.

My XH isn't with anyone right now. When he did have a GF, she had the good sense to let US parent OUR kids.

I applied the same logic to my life as a SM.

OP isn't talking about the GF being involved in her kid's life. (I think that's a good thing, BTW.) She's talking about a meeting with a social worker to discuss the kid's mental health.
Besides, who's to say the GF isn't temporary? They aren't married, don't live together...what dog does she have in this fight??