I haven't visited you all for the entire summer, but I am back with an update and an epiphany to share.

This summer we had SD6 from the 1st of July until the 19th of August. We got an extra 2 weeks because DH used the fact that bio-mom bares burden of transport to barter - ie: he drives two hours to Detroit to retrieve sd6 so BM doesn't have to cross the boarder which would cost her a lot more $$ and in exchange we get a longer visit.

The first couple of weeks were the usual hell. Bed wetting, waking up screaming in the middle of the night, forgotten manners, trying make sure my own BD6 and BD2 didn't get ignored amid the chaos, etc, but we barrelled through with lots of love, consistency and routine to make her feel secure again. By the time she left she was dry every night for four weeks, she was sleeping through the night and the basic manners were in tact. I am sure BM has destroyed all of my hard work by now which is depressing, but I try not to think to hard on it.

We had a few especially charming moments this summer... For example:
- One morning we were told that we can sleep in if we want. When SD6 was asked why she thinks that is ok she explained "Mom sleeps until lunch everyday but I don't mind. I make my own breakfast, like ice cream and cookies!"... :jawdrop:
- We were talking about her winter things because now that her and BM are in Cali., she won't need winter coat/boots etc., and SD6 said "but I might need them... Mom told me that if I miss the snow, we can just go climb a mountain." ... :O (side note: BM is 300lbs and dislikes leaving her computer for more than a few hours)...

Anyways, overall the summer was good. We travelled a bit within Canada (because crossing boarders with a mixed family is not something we are ready to undertake yet) and had a lot of good moments.
There was a lot of heartache and grief when we had to send SD6 back. She is not mine by birth, but she is still one of my kids in my heart. Me and BD6 had a good cry. I also shed tears for the fact that bD6 and SD6 are best friends and I know both of them are a little heartbroken when they have to say goodbye. It was worse this time because we used to be able to see SD6 every month but now that bM has moved herself to Cali., we won't see SD6 until the American thanksgiving.

Lastly, my epiphany... Throughout my time on step talk I have read a lot of rage directed at SKIDS. I have also posted my frustrations about SD6 in my blog... But this summer I realized something... A big something. 99.9% of the time it is not SD6 who sets me off. It is DH.

- DH when he is anticipating SD6 coming is ridiculous... All giddy and happy like a kid on Christmas Eve - I get it! I totally do! He misses and loves his kid! But it is a little over the top.
- DH when SD6 is about to leave is like watching someone who just watched their puppy get run over... Again, I get it, but his extreme emotions freak me out. I like a man who holds it in I guess.
- The big kicker this summer was DH clearing out BM's old apartment after she left... He lied to me and told me that he did it to get SD6's stuff that BM left behind, but I found out by looking at his email (which he doesn't know I did) that this was only a part of the reason... He also hauled BM's stuff across the boarder for her when retrieving SD6.

Thusly, the conclusion of my epiphany is this: when it comes to BM, DH has literally no balls.., despite my efforts I don't think this is going to change. I guess now I have to decide how I plan to live with the sack-less wonder for the rest of my life.