There is not ONE thing I miss about my ex.
He did NOT know me like the back of his hand.
My FH wants to know me like the back of his hand. This is the type of relationship I dreamed of the whole time I was married to my ex.

It would be VERY hard to only have your children every other week.
I could see how maybe you would want things to be different, but I hope this new relationship can fulfill some of those longings.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

Yes, I understand. I got married too young like you and we grew in opposite directions and into two people who could not get along, but we made two great kids. After experiencing how difficult it is to be in a blended family, I have grieved for the family I broke up via divorce. My ex and I were not a perfect match but we did love each other and spent many years together. We just had issues we could not change or live with. Now that there has been six years of time since our parting I see things a little differently...that maybe I should have sucked up the shitty stuff to let my kids have their parents living together and sharing them together, watching them grow, celebrating their successes, going to graduations and their weddings. We made them and it will never be the same -- it is a huge loss. Whatever gains I've made in compatibility with my BF are at the price of being poor, BM/SD drama. If I wanted to be stressed out I could have stayed married and at least have my kids being raised by me and their dad and not have to deal with stepfamily drama constantly.

I try to give myself slack because I know I couldn't get to this perspective without going through the divorce but it is still difficult at times.

Just wondering, are things good with your current BF/H? Because it seems I had delayed divorce grief when things with my boyfriend started showing me we were not going to be able to have a peaceful future d/t all the drama from SD and BM and finances...sort of like the loss of my dream for the future with BF triggered the loss of my divorce.

Your children are your strength, I know they are mine. Whatever happens in my life, they are my light, my love, my heart...

Hugs to you.

Whoa,never in a million years would I miss my ex. I can understand where you're coming from but missing the ex just isn't for me.

I believe I said in another blog about 'would you sleep with the ex again' that i wouldn't touch that man not even with someone else's p***y.

My ex was a woman hater,is a woman hater and is trying to turn our son into a woman hater.

There are regrets and thoughts of how I'd do things differently, but never in an "i miss him" sense.

maybe you're just missing the "idea" of your ex...you're not really missing the man...just the idea of what could have been.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

Miss the ex.... all the time, as long as he is living an hour away from me.

Trust me, I totally get what you're saying. Soooooo many times I've sat and cried wishing perfectson had an 'intact' family and didn't have to go through all the crap he did being in these step-families. Sadly, I do feel like my EH knew me/knows me better down deep inside than my DH ever will. I know why too, EH and I grew up together. We were very young when we married and we had no other responsibilities except each other. All these years later when I married DH, there was already so much 'stuff' we both had to deal with that there was never quite enough time for just us. Don't get me wrong, I dearly dearly love my DH and he loves me, but I get what you're saying about that other kind of connection.

What I do is this: I love my EH very much for being one of my best friends I ever had, and also for being perfectson's dad. Then I have to remove myself from being sucked into thinking anything else about him. Turn back to the present and don't linger in the past. Sure from time to time good memories come back (I choose not to dwell on the bad ones) and I smile about them, then I come back into the NOW and am thankful for my life, for what I've been through, for all that I am currently blessed with.

Are you sure you miss your Ex, or just the family dynamic? I get where you're coming from, but I can tell you I don't miss my ex at all.
I am actually at peace knowing that all of his bad habits are now someone else's problem. Good Luck to them, lol.

Wow, this post hits close to home for me. Not that I miss MY ex...he was just ...well let's just say that I've made my peace with that part of my life.
However, in the past, when I've been close to ending things with Dh, the only thing that keeps me sometimes is my boys. I would NEVER put them through what I went through as a child, nor would I subject them to the hell their little lives would become.

My sister had this bumper snicker on her car

I miss my ex - but my aim is improving!

Just a little humor folks!

God NO! I don't miss him at all. The only reason that I don't wish him to fall off the face of the earth (though at times I have) is because it would hurt my son. Other than that I can't stand the sight of him. He didn't know me at all, he still doesn't. He knew the little girl me.......once I grew up and had a voice in this world he didn't like it. I never had the connection with him........at that age I didn't know the difference. I thought it was love. I should have listened to my momma! LOL! Now that I'm away from it all I can see clearly that him and I shouldn't have even been friends, let alone been married. We are polar opposites. POLAR!

Just thinking that I used to be "with" him makes my skin crawl. I have to take a acid bath now.

The thing a lot of people seem not to notice is that often times in relationships that people stay in are harmful to the children. My parents loved me. But they were not good together, my dad would hit my mom etc. As a child I love both my parents and know that they are better off with out each other. I have a SD and a SM. My SD has been more of a dad to me than my real dad has ever been. I would not be who I am without him.

The people you bring into your the lives of your children may make them better and stronger. You say you wish you would have stayed with your ex, but its not just about whats easiest for you, you had children, its about what is best for them.

My mother did something I didn't know when she got divorced, I was mad at her for a year over it, I didn't want my dad to go. And when she brought in a new guy I fought, I didn't want a new dad. But when it came down to needing someone my Stepdad was there. It was ok that I wasn't perfect with him, it was ok I used to hate him, he still cared. Years after their divorce, I was 7 when they got divorced, around my Junior year of high school my mother explained things to me. How she was saving me from finding out the things my father did when no one was home, she didn't want me to come home to that. She didn't want me to hate him, when she told me my stepdad was there and he assured me that my mother was truthful and just trying to help me.

Remember that if you would have stayed with him, you could have hurt your children, cause I know when I knew about my dad I was greatful that my mom was there for me. That she didn't care if I was mad at her for a year she cared that I was happy and safe and allowed to be me.

Life isn't about the days you have, its about what you do with the days you have.

A quote for you: "The past always seems better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be"

Do you think you really miss your Ex or is it the marriage you miss? I don't miss my ex per say, but I do miss things the way they were in a nuclear family. I didn't mourn the loss of my Ex, I mourned the loss of the "family". But I know that I am not in love with my Ex, and that putting him back into the situation wouldn't work out any differently than it did before. The same problems will resurface sooner or later, and I would eventually find myself back at square one.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Can't comment here. I have only been widowed. This is technically my 2nd marriage. My "late" was 16 years older than myself and yes, one of my college professors. (no judgements please)

I do miss his witty intellect but am sooooooooo in love with my dh. It took awhile to ditch the guilt.

BBB, LMAO (again) I WAS over 18 though....

Yeah, yeah, naughty little MWC, hash parties and college professors....;-)

JK!!! ( kind of)

I definately understand you. I remember bursting out in tears when I found out EH and his femmetoy were procreating. I never understood why even when it happened. Perhaps because all I ever really wanted from that relationship was a child of my own. Thank you God for not listening, he was completely abusive and has NO place in the gene pool. Maybe it was just that I had devoted so much of myself to that cause, only to see it fail. (Yeah, I might cry if everything I put into stock crashed.... I'm getting somewhere) Part of me was just crying for the poor girl who did procreate with him. I could only hope he didn't do the things to her, and a precious (albeit spawn) child that he did to me. It's not something you need to understand, you just need to get it out, and eventually those feelings go away.