The in laws have a part to play as well
So this is just to get a close look at how inlaws mess up stepping. So like I said in my last blog we live in the house behind my inlaws.
When I first got with DH the inlaws were nice. We were really close. I have 2 SIL and 2 BIL so the oldest SIL has a bf and he would visit her and her entire family minus my DH would hang out with him. (DH is anti social ) then it came out the SIL bf (of 5 yrs ) cheated on her and got another girl pregnant. Then everyone in the family blew a gasket saying they never liked him. This got me thinking that yall don't like anyone because yall said the same thing about DH ex gf, yet I saw pics of you all laughing and stuff. So that is in the back of my mind and I observed their movements around me then on. That same SIL stopped speaking to me and would bad mouth me with the entire family unbeknownst to me. Yet she would smile to my face and say we are sisters etc. So she would do all this in front of SD and MIL wouldn't even tell her why is she being this way or even try and stop it. So my SD hears yall speaking badly about her SM, she knows I have rules in our house and am a no nonsense type of person so she lies to them about me so they would 'save' her. This one time MIL said "and ashley have me blaming you for her not doing her school work" and I'm like how can you blame me for her not doing her work?? Especially when she knows that I call her up everyday and tell her to bring her bag. So yall basically tell her don't listen to me so she in turn doesn't even listen to them as well.
MIL has a habit as well of saying "she needs this lesson program, she needs to go to a pay school etc" now mind you she needed help with reading I was teaching her phonics her mom decided to buy her a book with a pen it's like a multiple choice book there is a short paragraph and then 4 answers and the pen would tell u the right answer. So she doesn't need to know how to read for that book just point the pen on 1 answer and the pen would say either 'yay you got it' or "ohh ohh try again" she can't learn like that is what I said. So MIL wants DH and I to spend our money to get this $1450 program for her or pay for a different school for her (thousands monthly ) I told her why don't you tell her mother to do that she replied "ME ME I CAN'T TALK TO HER!!" So if you can't speak to the BM about her own daughter education why are you speaking to me. Am I wrong for thinking this way. MIL also wants DH to pay for gymnastics, but will not even gauge the question with the BM
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Comments
Move
You can not live in back of your MIL and go through this all the time. Move away
Financially that isn't in the
Financially that isn't in the cards right now. But we have discussed this and we want to. As it is I try to stay away from the inlaws.
Then everyone in the family
This is how my in-laws treat drunk BIL’s ex-fiancé, because she had the sense to leave drunk BIL by applying for a high paying job in another state.
I can guarantee they will trash talk me if I ever leave DH. Weirdly, they don’t trash DH’s ex-wife. At least, not in front of me. But MIL loves to point out that BM never liked her. Always the martyr, that MIL.
If if I were you, I’d tell MIL if she was that concerned about something requiring money, then to pay for it herself and to quit playing the middleman.
Or shut it down by walking away. That always sends a clear message.
You're correct
I tell her let the bm pay for it. Because MIL doesn't work. It just bothers me that she can tell me all these things but will never speak to the actual bm. She keeps saying she will tell her this and that but when it comes to it she is just silent. So Im a bit petty, whenever she starts to talk about SD I tell her talk to her mom before she can finish her sentence.
I forgot to mention
The same SIL told me that it's their tradition that all the boys middle name HAS TO BE MICHAEL mind you my DH doesn't have a middle name. So she is telling me when I make a son I have to name him michael. I told her what comes from me I will name what I want, keep that tradition for when you and your sister have children. She got upset. DH and I already have our names picked out and he wants to be a father because he wasn't able to really be a dad for sd, bm kept her away when they broke up.
I have to constantly tell DH everyone takes advantage of you and i don't care if it's your family I won't allow it cause I don't take advantage of you. I sacrifice with you and go without sometimes cause we have plans for our future. But everyone just wants DH to pay their bills, take care of them and they don't even speak to him. I'm talking about his siblings and parents. Anything they want from him they ask me like I'm a messenger, I told them if they need something from him ask him yourself they get upset with me.
Currently
DH told me this morning to spend some time with his mom because she is home alone (guess he's feeling sorry for her) mind you SIL was here over the weekend and MIL didn't have anything to say or do with me. So I walk down and ask "you ok?" She replied "I see u staying to yourself so..." I said everytime your daughter is here you don't speak to me so don't come around me with that. She said i don't speak to her blah blah and SIL stopped speaking to me because of how I spoke to her last time ( She asked me where I was going, I told her "only my DH can ask where I'm going") because they always want to know where I'm going and it really doesn't concern them cause I don't enquire where they are going. So I told her that's not a good reason to stop speaking to someone. Because even when I knew she was bad mouthing me i was still nice towards her. I also told her I really don't care about talking to SIL, I asked her if it bothers her she said no. But then says badmind is not a good thing. It's been a year since she hasn't spoken to me and it hasn't changed my health, bank account etc. So I'm all good. But mil always finds a way to mention SIL name probably to make me want to talk to her again.
Also she says she has to talk to DH concerning sd and her school work. I told her speak to the mother she had no response.
I can releate, in the
I can releate, in the beginning i felt like i was soo close to my inlaws but as time went on an i dont agreee with whatever BS they speak of i became more of an out sider. I had no choice but to distance myself. My husband is extremely close to his mother and sisters where its a but weird, i think to myself all the time is this worth it but i stuggle to leave a relation ship where 90% of it is amazing and the other 10 i have to deal with his family and son and trust me they do get in the way of how we try to parent. I struggle with that so much because my mom would neverrrr, like she truly under stands space! DISTANCE is the key to sanity as much as i wanted to be this perfect blended family and have a wonderful relationship with them the more i learned you cnnot contol what they do only what you do. i also found its helped me to not give my opnion at all unless he asks me for it. The more i stopped giving my opnion the more hes asked me what i think, and ill be able to give my full honest opnion. It opens him up to listing because he asked what i think and truly wants to hear my thoughts. Were also dealing with finicianal struggles and i understand its hard to make different living arrangements, trust me if i could i would move to the other side of the globe LOLLLL
I understand the struggle. I
I understand the struggle. I really would love us to move far away. Sad thing is my family is loving and respectful to dh. He enjoys being around them but feels guilty that I don't want to be around his.