My BS19 was the same way when he was around that age. He would just clam up and turn red if he was expected to order for himself. It wasn't until he was a few years older that he finally started to do things for himself. It took a lot of prompting and teaching from me to get him to do that.

My SS11 will do the same thing sometimes. Sometimes he is fine and will order for himself and sometimes he just stares at us when the waitress asks him for his order. He is 11 but looks much older, and is much younger maturity wise.
We also have a huge problem with SS11 ordering items that are way over the price range. He things he should be able to get the Most expensive steak on the menu. Ummm NO!
He actually had a melt down last year when he went out to eat with his uncle. SS ordered Surf and Turf.... :jawdrop: The waitress told her they were out of it (I imagine the uncle gave her a look that said No way") He had a melt down, he cries a lot when he doesn't get his way. One of his cousins told BM about his behavior and he was lectured. I don't take him anywhere expensive because of his unpredictable behavior in restaurants.

My niece started ordering for herself in places like Chili's by the time she was 5. She always wanted the same thing: a hamburger, ketchup and extra pickles on the side. For some reason, waitstaff always found this confusing. They would look to my sister for clarification and she would confirm the order. Didn't matter what my sister said, usually the bun would arrive anyway...

My niece was a little shy, and my sister used ordering in restaurants as a way to help my niece learn to deal with her anxiety. It sometimes took a little longer for her to give her own order, but she learned skills and most waitstaff were understanding.

I agree with easing into it a bit. I was a pretty shy kid and to be honest, making too big a deal can add stress to an already anxiety filled situation and make it harder.

I guess our parents warmed us up to this by having us thank the wait staff when we were served. Maybe an order at a fast food window or counter would be less daunting too?

I think it's great that you're working on this at their ages.

I had terrible anxiety in situations like this when I was younger. Even if we went to a buffet restaurant, I'd have to go with other people, I refused to go by myself. Not sure how to help your SS, but it's a good skill to work on, and I hope he grows out of the anxiety like I did.

Maybe help him by "rehearsing" what he's going to say when the waiter comes like "SS, you should say I would like a cheeseburger with fries please" and if there is any other questions that you haven't prepared him for then answer those yourself if he clams up.

My 7 year old does not like to speak to people he doesn't know.. other than a Please or Thank you and then it's usually said very quietly and timidly. I really don't care. I was shocked the other day when we are at the State Park pool and he actually walked over the lifeguard stand and asked the lifeguard if he could use his goggles. But I never pressure him to place his own order, ask questions etc. I'm with your DH.. I really don't see the big deal

Depends on the child's personality type. Gregarious children start usually when entering school.

PrincASS had others ordering for him until he left for boot camp. I discussed with DH that his social anxiety would only get worse if he was never forced to order for himself. DH stopped ordering for him, but PA had PigPen and SD21 doing it instead.

That said, all children are different. I don't necessarily believe there is a magic age. Children walk, talk, potty train, etc., at different ages. Ordering in a restaurant at age 8 is borderline, IMHO.

What happens if you go out for ice cream?

My BD13 still has issues with speaking to "strangers", but my BD8 has no issues with it and never has.

I will make BD13 order her drink or ask for a refill or if she wants something extra, but I'll usually make the main order for her. There have been times that she went without just because she didn't ask for it herself. But I've been trying to ease her into it. I'll send her into the store to buy 1 or 2 items by herself occasionally too.

She's just naturally more shy with people she doesn't know, so I'm trying to prepare her for when she's an adult. I know when she gets a job at 16 it will help immensely, as it did me.

Age 5 for Polly who I also took to 4 star restaurants. She has beautiful table manners. Baby D chooses by explanation but next year I will start the same way with her as I did with Polly. Chunky umm he is stb9 and won't read a menu, isn't polite and won't sit well in a restaurant. So maybe girls are easier to each table etiquette to?

My skids are all forced to order for themselves. We will discuss what they want ahead of time (so they've said it out loud) and then when the server comes, they must look the server in the eye, order, and say please. They must also look the server in the eye and say thank you when food or drinks are brought. If they don't order for themselves, they can sit and watch everyone eat. SS called my bluff once 2 years ago and lost, and we haven't had an issue since. SSs are 7 and 6. SDs are 17 and 14, and the 14 year old still sometimes mumbles and won't make eye contact. We just call her out and tell her to stop baby talking and that stops it

My SS has been ordering for himself for years and he's only five turning six. Between us and BM's household he eats out at least once a week. We made it a habit from the beginning to give him a menu to look at, talk about what sounds good and now that he's in school we point out the prices too. I used to be a server so I expect the children to learn how to respect servers and the work they do. I also know what to expect so I can prompt them beforeforehand. When we get seated I get them to look at the menu, we talk about what we'd like to drink so when she asks SS already has his answer. Server leaves and comes back with drinks, during that time we discuss appetizers and have that ready for when she gets back. While she is gone putting that in we go over the menu. He tells us what he wants. We usually eliminate common foods like chicken strips, fries, mini cheeseburgers. If we're at a Mexican restaurant we want him to try new things so we talk him into trying a burrito, taco, or Chalupa instead. Same with Italian, Chinese, BBQ, Greek, etc restaurants. He knows to say thank you when his foods comes and when she takes his plate away or brings drink refills. When the meal is over and it's time to tip and sign the checks, we let him sign the customer copy. We talk to him about what a tip is, how much to tip and why we tip more than 20%. Even if he doesn't understand it all now, he had the memory reflex of how to act and what to do.