Wow!! You have so much on your plate & I clearly understand your frustrations. However, your DH sounds like he's as frustrated with this whole situation, same as you are. I think he's speaking out of frustration & anger when he's telling you to go ahead and leave (if you're going to leave). Sounds like a defensive statement as if you're repeatedly threatening him that you'll leave him. You must consider how hurtful that is to him (if you are constantly telling him that you'll leave him). Perhaps, if you reassured him that you're not going anywhere that you're committed to the marriage & correcting the issues at hand he'll soften up & be willing to hear some of your suggestions. I want you to know that I truly understand your valid concerns that you've listed (especially the monetary issues including the IRS . . . you definitely don't want to get on their bad side). The child support issue I am at a lost as to why would your DH would procrastinate in having that order modified immediately. :? Amazing how someting as important as that (which could land him in jail) he's not motivated to resolve immediately. Marriage is hard especially when communication between husband & wife is off-balanced & wrong in so many ways. It seems apparent that effective communication between you & your DH is not in place & I'm hoping that the two of you do not dissolve your marriage over your differences of SS11; that would be so sad. DH is obviously a good & supportive mate (b/c he's holding guardianship to your grandchild). This SS11 may have had lots of help from his BM in developing these strong negative & disrespectful views of his father & that can be why he's not willing to listen to his father now. Your DH may be 53-years-old but children have a way of saying hurtful things & doing hurtful things that cause an adult to behave inappropriately. I'm not trying to justify your hubby's response to his son but I just want you to see it from another view. It may be hard for you to keep your mouth closed when you're angry & frustrated but maybe you should try not to give your hubby suggestions in how to handle his very own business (unless he asks you). He's a man & though you may not agree with the way he decides to handle [his] situation, it's his decision & you should respect it (however, protect yourself when it comes to financial ruin decisions b/c you do not want to be penalized by any poor decisions he may make in your marriage). I'm hoping it makes sense what I'm saying b/c it seems like I'm rambling now. Feel free to send me a private message should you ever need to.

You really have to look out for yourself - SS11 has two parents and let them worry about him - I know you are in SS's life a lot but you need to worry about you and your grandson - your DH sounds horrible and it will be hard now but in the long run it will be better - if SS is really bad do you want your Grandson around him I don't think so - Good luck and I will be praying!

I really hope you get that job because I do think you need to leave. Someone wrote in a blog today that a biparent in denial is like an addict - until they're ready to admit they have a problem and get help there's nothing you can do fix things. Your DH is clearly not willing to face up to the problems and address them. Even worse he seems to be taking his frustation out on you, and exacerbating the problems with his son. You've tried your best, you deserve a huge amount of credit for that, but now you need to put yourself and your grandson first.

I think that if you are beyond a doubt sure that you are going to follow through with this that your first stops should be to an accountant and a lawyer.