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New to being a step mom

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:22pm

Well I surely never thought that it would come to this, but I feel as if my hands are tied. Just to sum it up.. I have a 9 year old step daughter who my husband and I are trying to get full custody of... my question is... does the biological mother ever stop being hateful?

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furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:23pm

Nope.

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:28pm

Dang.. well that sucks.. I have been in their lives for 3 years.. this woman has called me every name in the book, the same to my husband.. do we say anything? No we do not because of the child... she has got the child so wrapped around her finger its unreal.. she makes her lie to us constantly... everday is a battle when we pick her up from her mother because she is crying stating she misses her mom.. she just left her???!!! Its stressful... and her mother has 3 other children by 3 other men... she has already done this to one couple and they divorced... and that's what she is wanting us to do... but its not happening.. but why damage the child like this? She is 9 for crying out loud.. let her be 9! Sorry to put so much... just venting..

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:29pm

Im beginning to think that you are right "partyof7" I mean we are even putting her in counseling.. but she tells the counselor everything that her mom tells her to say... this stuff is too expensive for her to go in there in lie!

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:30pm

I love my stepdaughter.. I just wish it will all go away but I don't believe that will ever happen until she is 18.. I mean seriously her mother is making our life hell... sorry for the language

texstep's picture

Submitted by texstep on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:36pm

Even after she's 18 it won't necessarily get better. My MIL was that crazy BM and she still is. Although it's possible you could get lucky and SD will get a clue, but not likely if she's lying to therapists already

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:36pm

"partyof7" That is EXACTLY what my husband and I are going through! What is it with these BM? Cant they just be happy that there is someone in there childs life that loves them unconditionally!!! ??? It doesn't have to be all this drama yet they create it and it only hurts the child?!

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 5:38pm

Wow.. it is really nice to be talking to people that actually deal with what I am dealing with also! Why do they do that? UgH! Well I have to get back to work Will check in tom.. its my birthday yay!!! Bottle of wine... HERE I COME! Smile

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:15am

because we have had the same custody set up since the child was 6 months old... then when her father met me... and we got engaged we didn't see the child anymore.. so we went to court (but its not over just the beginning) and we are getting the child now, but its only temp bc its for the time we missed so we are getting 2 extra days a month.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 02/18/2014 - 9:18pm

Happy Birthday. Make it a BIG bottle of wine.

Even if it seems to get better over the years, these kinds of BM don't ever stop. They may go dormant for a short while but will eventually resurface. Kind of like herpes.

I will say, since my SD turned 18 and got married, therefore ending CS, we have had nothing to do with BM. Some people are not so lucky, though.

There were lies BM told SD that we didn't even know about for years. Even now that she is 22, I'm not sure what she really believes. I know that her relationship with my husband changed years ago and has never been the same.
They were very close at one time so I feel really bad for him. And SD, really. I think she got short changed in all of this because of her mother's anger and misery.

jvetetoe89's picture

Submitted by jvetetoe89 on Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:04am

I would say yes... but you see the thing is when he was 20 he stepped up to the plate and took her to court when the child was 6 mo old. They have had the same parenting plan for 8 years.. then all of a sudden when he meets me and we got engaged crap hit the fan... we never seen the child anymore.. so we got an attorney took her to court for being in contempt of court.. and we are still battling now.. he never had a steady gf bc they all took off bc she was phsyco... so yes, if he fell in love with someone before he met me I do believe that the BM would have tried to sabotage it bc even though it has been now 10 years later since there split, she still wants to be with him... its almost as if she is thinking.. if I cant have him no one... well wrong answer bc I love this little girl and I love my husband, and I am not going anywhere.. but sometimes I think that maybe divorce would be easier because I know that would stop this battle... the child wouldn't be in the middle and I wouldn't have to see either of them hurt any more.. but then again I am not the type of person to give up.. especially when it comes to something I love so much!