SKIDS spouses.......why don't they see the bad treatment ?
I have so much in common with all of you! Your adult skids have used so many of the same words, tactics, drama, hateful letter writing, threats etc. I was so glad to discover this site!
My question to all of you is this. My 2 adult SDs are married to reasonable, family oriented husbands. Why don't they ever come to my and my husband's defense when their wives are acting so very very hateful? Everyone else can see how sadly vindictive they are. They have alienated their own selves from the rest of the family with their actions. Why would their husbands not stand up to them? We were very close to our grandchildren but because my husband finally said something 3 christmases ago about helping with the dishes etc. We haven't been allowed to see the grandkids. We were great grandparents. It about killed me at first not to see them. Since then, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I called to tell my son in law who I thought would have the courtesy to let me tell him about it. He hung up on me. I wrote a letter. Nothing, nada. Then two 8 page long hate letters came from both his daughters when he was recuperating telling him how hurtful he was not to tell them personally about his cancer, that I have brainwashed him, lots of immature total hate of him and myself. My 2 sons and my step son is appalled by their hate. So is the rest of the family... I know they have major personality disorders, but why aren't their hubbies growing balls and standing up for us or at least, being civil to us????? Our counselor says it is because they have to deal with them everyday. I don't care. What happened to integrity? I want so bad to mail my son in laws the hateful letters their wives wrote but my sons tell me don't even bother with them.
My husband was widowed for 10 years before we started dating. I was divorced 13 before we started dating. My kids were so happy I found someone! His kids play the victim card even at the age of 30 and 29. My kids were victims too. I would kick their ass if they ever disrespected my hubby. I just don't get it.
DH didn't call them because
DH didn't call them because they don't speak to him! He said if they don't care about him when he is well, he sure doesn't need to tell them when he is ill.
I was trying to do the right thing by letting them know. They have never even asked him how he is doing. No card, no calls, no visits, just long hate letters . Everything is about them.
He did nothing. The only thing he is guilty of is remarrying after raising them alone and giving them his all for 10 years. He was too nice.
Adult babies is a good term to use.
Life is too short for all this stupid drama.
I'm with the rest of you. Moving on.....
I think the reason SD's
I think the reason SD's husband does not stand up to them is because they are enticed into the RA Bullying game (see Stepaside's blog about RA). As was the case with my SD's hubby he became just as nasty as she was. Others who saw them in action said, "They seem to feed off of each other." When she slammed doors in my face he seemed to just look the other way. When I asked that they stop having the whispering, sideline conversations while we were in the same room, he was as verbally abusive as SD. One time I asked DH why SD's hubby was so nasty to me on my Birthday. He replied, "He was only trying to protect her." I responded, "From what?" DH could not come up with an answer. Another reason might be the 'economic factor'. SD pretty much financially supports him.
You were absolutely right to
You were absolutely right to tell the skids in whatever way you could. I have a "stepmother" I have not even met. She married my dad after he left my mum. When he divorced her, he lost touch with all 6 of his living children. We all dislike him for various reasons and only one of us even exchanges the occasional news. Nonetheless this woman, 20 years down the line, screwed herself up to phone the one least out of contact when she thought my dad was dying of cancer recently -- so that we all could be told. We took the news in different ways, not all of us welcomed hearing from her, but I think she did absolutely the right thing to allow us the chance to make up with him before his death if we wanted to. You can imagine how she could have been bitched about by us later if he had died without us having that opportunity. We are not the type to bitch but that is not the point, she gave us the choice what to do, which is absolutely proper and respectful.
I'm so sorry about your
I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I have no idea how you showed so much restraint.
If my dad were to land in the hospital my stepmother would contact me, or have staff there contact me. Hopefully she is not that heartless. Even though there have been many problems in the past, it's why I don't play games with her or exclude her. She treats many people like cr*p. My stepdad would notify me in a heartbeat if my mom wound up in the hospital. I want to be the first to know about this stuff after my parents' spouses. That's why I don't treat them like garbage. All adult SKs should try to take this viewpoint.