Reactions to expect when disengaging.
I am starting the process of disengaging from the adult stepchildren. I have told my husband that I will no longer be attending holidays, birthday parties for step grandchildren(this will be the hardest) or baby showers for stepdaughters. I told him to not even ask. I will not be sending any presents for any of this.
For those of you that have disengaged, what are some of the reactions that I can expect to deal with?
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I wish I could disengage.
I wish I could disengage. Why are you doing it anyway?
I admire you standing your
I admire you standing your ground. Good for you!I cant stand for people to be mad at me. I wish I could be more like you in this respeck. Lol.
"With the help of
"With the help of outsiders..." WTH????? Why do they always need someone outside the freaking' house to tell them what is going on in their own home? Seriously. Does this piss you off as much as it pisses me off? Because it pisses me off A LOT!!!!!!!!!
Wow do you know what I am
Wow do you know what I am going through!!!!! I know I will be blamed for dis-engaging but it is my DH who is so sick of his DD that it makes him ill...I also have 3 Grandchildren by my SD that are held over my head.they are sweeties but starting to steal and lie just like Mama... she is pure poison and I just can't take the lies and manipulation anymore..we are in our 50's and it wears us out..never a good word to say about us..oh but for the first time I got flowers for Mothers Day :jawdrop: I imagine it was her boyfriends idea,more manipulation..nothing for my Birthday..not even on facebook not a word..odd huh..,after she was married (3rd time)..I have really no one who has been there.so glad to find this site as it helps to just talk about it....I have amazing friends who just can't stand what little I have shared with them and to just say "no more "is so hard.I know when the holidays come around she will have her hand out for presents she prefers cash!!! lol,,,.but it is what I feel we have to do to live our lives..without so much stress...
"and sometimes they want it
"and sometimes they want it in October"..... LOL!!!!! Mine too. And then again in December because "it just isn't a real Christmas without it!" :sick:
Disengaging for me, was when
Disengaging for me, was when I knew I was done....done with all the crap......
Didn't tell DH I was doing it , but living in a different country, helped me immensely, of course.
I was the same , getting the BD cards, presents organised, little gifts for special times like high school graduation, sweet 16, good exam results, blah,blah,blah.
Looking back I could see what was happening, that it was a one way street with SD21 calling all the shots, and swinging DH's balls, like a trophy !!
Now, I do nothing special for her, and I have not emailed her, spoken on the phone or aknowledged her anywhere on the internet for almost 2 years.....fine by me. DH knows how I feel now and I am hoping not to have to spend ANY time with her really anymore... I did the 5 days recently, and I knew nothing had changed, with her, her behaviour and how much I still felt not interested in being involved. He can go and visit and listen too the crap, but I really do not think I have to do it anymore......or put up with it in my house.......
So now she gets her cards sent by DH, usually a tad late, he is so busy...... Presents? Again, it's all DH now......
I do not allow shrines at our house to adult skids nor will I ever allow them their own rooms, we have guestrooms, that's it......again ,no contact from SD21 without a plea for cash, too far behind it.....
I think I am finally
I think I am finally disengaged. from the skids and from DH, too. I really just dont care anymore. I can finally say i dont care anymore.
it was like waking up and the pain not being there anymore.
what a relief i feel. now Skids fallen on hard times and DH wants me to help. Hullo? i truly dont care.