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Pajamas please

Krisk222's picture

ok, new to dating a guy with kids. I have 2 of my own. We have had occasional sleep overs with his kids coming to my house. 

I have a 13 year old and 4 year old. Both boys.

He has a 9 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. 

His daughter Doesn’t like to wear pajamas. She sleeps in underwear. I have seen this happen when I spend the night at his house. I was a bit shocked when it happened the night they stayed at mine. 

I understand she’s 6. But she’s big for a 6 year old. I’ve bought her clothes, she wears a size 10 and is a little chunky. Meaning  she has boobs a normal 6 year old wouldn’t. 

Abyone think I’m being weird for thinking it’s I appropriate for her to be walking around in just undies? Especially in front of 3 boys? (granted one is her brother) 

When I realized she had gotten down to undies, I quickly grabbed her clothes to get dressed. But I don’t know if this is something I should address and/or how to address it. I just don’t want it happening again with the next sleep over. 


ESMOD's picture

I think my rule would be that she needs to be dressed in more than just her "unders" when she is out of her bed.  If she wants to sleep with just the underwear.. that is not as big of an issue.  I am guessing with 4 kids that she is having to share sleeping quarters?

Krisk222's picture

Yes, they all camped out in my living room. I have a 4 bedroom house, my boys in their own room each and my room. We have discussed making the “toy room” (the other bedroom) into his kids room if we decide to move in together. or even just her room and his son share with one of mine. IF we go forward with him moving in. But until then, they wouldn’t have a room here. 

thinkthrice's picture

Chef's kids would roam around in their whitey tighties at my house and shirtless as well.  This included OSS and YSS wandering around this way AND SD in her undies with no shirt, at the time 5-8 years old.  SD would even come bolting out of the shower with not a stitch on and no towel!!!  Apparently this was "normal" in Chef's world.  All three were (and still are) HUGE for their age; very chunky.

For my bios I had a rule.  No nakedness outside of closed bedroom doors.  My bios had to be dressed in a shirt and shorts or pjs to come to the breakfast table or walk around outside the bedroom.     Chef's kids would also grab their comforter or blanket off their bed and parade around with it whilst in their shirtless/undies only condition as though a royal robe. 

Of course I was "mean" and "hateful" for insisting they get dressed in proper clothing.

ESMOD's picture

My brother and I were members of the royal robe club.. haha.  I think we usually had tshirt at least on underneath.. but we carried our "biggie's" to the breakfast 

StepUltimate's picture

... and had to go stay the night elsewhere both times I confronted him about continuing to walk around in his chonies after I'd asked him to wear clothes or pj's around the house. Pity-party tantrum about being decent. Pathetic, but DH was on Team Insolent Teen on that one, triangulated by SS into thinking StepUltimate is SO HARSH! Whatev. 

It stopped, but too. Much. Drama! He's been kicked out, but I'm sure not having to deal with it anymore!

twoviewpoints's picture

Simple. Take your boyfriend's cash and take the little one to out to Kohls or Walmart or the Mall (depending on his budget for kids clothing) and have her pick out a couple pairs of pjs. 

Since she's into more of the 'natural' sleep thing, perhaps sleep shorts with a sleep cami or tank? It's time. Being allowed to run almost naked whether she is six or sixteen is not appropriate in a house full of males.

Some of these types of things are just the various issues you'll face when you try to blend families. The kiddo is use to just undies when it's been just Dad and her brother, but it's no longer just the, You and your kids don't care to see her in her undies. All the kids should be wearing at lest sleep shorts if male and both sleep shorts and a simple top if female. 

Soon , as she starts meeting new little girlfriends at school there will be sleep overs , the child won't be allowed and welcome by other parents if she tears off everything but undies and jumps in her sleeping bag for popcorn and movies. 

I doubt this child's Dad even notices it's his place to teach the little one some modesty, but it is. Help him out. 

Krisk222's picture

I mentioned she needed new clothes (hers were tight and the undies she was parading around in were way too small). Took his card, got her some new outfits, new underwear and some undershirts so she wouldn’t be hot in full pajamas (that’s why she gets naked apparently). Mentioned to him that she may want to try it out, she’s getting to an age where it’s not very appropriate. He thanked me....and I’ve been back to his house (without my kids) two nights now to find them still in the package in her drawer. 

thinkthrice's picture

obviously SO doesnt have the same set of rules you do.  I would start counting red flags at this point.

lieutenant_dad's picture

New rule: outside a private bedroom or bathroom, the top and bottom half must be covered on everyone - boys and girls included.

In her own room or sleeping at night, if she wants to be naked, fine. All other times, though? Clothes for all.

Krisk222's picture

That’s the problem, they don’t have a room at my house. And if they did move in (leaning towards a no right now until this guy can start reeling these kids in) she would probably still be sharing a room with her brother. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

She'll only be able to share a room for so long. That is a temporary solution to a long-term problem. She'll eventually need a brother/boy-free space.

And this isn't a problem. If she doesn't have her own room, then she wears clothes at your house. If your BF won't enforce that, tell him to pack up his kids and stay at his own place with his own rules. Your rules are kids need to wear pajamas in your home. If he doesn't like that rule, he can leave.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

When I was growing up bedroom was your space but once you left you had to be decent to some degree. PJs, LONG shirt, fully dressed didn’t matter. Underwear wasn’t enough.

I don’t think you’re wrong at all. What would happen if she’s sitting on the couch and someone comes to the door? She shouldn’t have to go running to her bedroom. If she’s sharing a room with the boys then yes she needs to at least have a night gown.

That being said your partner might disagree and you’ll have a battle on your hands.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Modesty must be taught, and is part of parenting. We've all been told "Rules are Rules", and it's part of parenting to teach kids about appropriate clothing.

tog redux's picture

DH never allowed SS to walk around our house in underwear or without a shirt on. It's inappropriate if other people are around, once you are past being a toddler.

ESMOD's picture

I did not realize you had them camping in the livingroo.. please stop that.  It has to be disrupting for everyone.  If you are dead set against any room sharing with your least get a sofabed and cot so his kids can bunk  in your to room.  They should have some privacy as guests in your home. Ideally...maybe your younger son and the 6 yo could share but at least give them a space.  I understand you might not want to dedicate a room for part time residents but certainly the to room can be shared on their visits

beebeel's picture

The OP does not live with her boyfriend or his children. It sounds like they've only spent the night a handful of times. They certainly don't need a room at her house.

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like it happens enough that this is an issue. I'm not saying give them a room in any different way than I would give my guest room to a visitor in my home.  Letting the kids camp in a playroom sounds like a better option than the common living room with zero privacy an in other peoples way

Krisk222's picture

it was a sleepover. Anytime my kids have sleepovers, I let them camp out in the living room. They love doing it, it’s a fun treat for them once in a while. (Sleeping bags and popcorn and movies, my Friday night dream as a kid)

I brought it up because this is what happened when they slept over and I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again if we have another one.