Yesterday, as I sat in the living room of my nearly 100 year old house (built in 1925) with my pretty little live tree, my dining room table decked out with greens and glass ornaments hanging from the light fixture, the TV playing a video of a crackling fire and Christmas music quietly playing in the background while delicious smells wafted from the kitchen, I looked around me at the faces of my two sons, their father and his girlfriend, and the girlfriend's daughter and son-in-law, and I thought "THIS is what it's like when families can blend and really enjoy each other."

Yesterday was in stark contrast to Christmas with my ex and his family. His family was not the problem - HE was. XBF was perfectly nice to my kids, except my youngest with Autism. He wasn't really mean to DS28, but it was clear he didn't understand some of my son's behaviors and after the first Christmas with my sons, my best friend, his sister, his nephew and his daughter at his mountain house, he said that he didn't think our families should spend holidays together. Why? Because my XBF and his family were listening to a radio station that plays off the wall music and one song included a baby continually crying. My son came down from upstairs to ask if the song could be turned off because the crying baby was really annoying. This really bothered my XBF because his group was enjoying the song and he felt my son was ruining their fun. (eye roll) I can see both sides and I think a good compromise would have been to turn the music down just a bit.

In any event, seeing this warm, wholesome gathering last night really brought home to me just how easy it CAN be for people, even exes, to be not JUST civil, but warm with each other. I really like my XH1's girlfriend. She's a widow of nearly 2 years, herself. My XH1 and I bonded a little over the experience of dating a widow because the girlfriend has been pulling some "crazy Ivans" on my ex. They've been dating for 6-7 months and she got really erratic and kept breaking it off with him. I think she broke it off at least 5 times with him and he was distraught. Her late husband's brothers seem to be torch bearers and not fully supportive of her being in a relationship, and each time she broke it off with my XH1, she had recently talked to one of the brothers. Her late husband died 2 years ago next month, so I know it's fresh. After dating my XBF, I really don't think widowed people should be dating until they have (mostly) processed their grief in a healthy way.

The girlfriend and I are connected on social media. She sends me memes through messenger, and one day we had a brief chat. I congratulated her on updating her relationship status to "in a relationship." I told her she deserves to be happy and to not let anyone else tell her she can't move forward. I shared with her how my XBF hadn't processed his grief in a healthy way and it's nearly 10 years since his late wife died. I showed her pictures and told her how he was stuck and couldn't move forward with me, so I ended it. She didn't say much, just liked my comments.

Within a few days, she had changed her profile picture to one of her and my XH1, and she hasn't pulled a crazy Ivan since Thanksgiving. My XH1 thinks our little chat gave her some courage to stop listening to her former brother in-laws. Bravo!!

She's lovely and I keep telling my XH1 "Don't f*ck it up!!" He adores her - it's obvious.

Oh, and I drank WAY too much wine last night, but guess what I didn't do. I didn't get sad, I didn't berate myself, I didn't get jealous because I'm no longer partnered with someone who behaved like he wasn't all in and in whose love I couldn't be sure.

I was tipsy and happy, watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 with my DS34 - totally hilarious.

I had a nice Christmas never wondering if I was wanted, included and loved. And it's remarkable that my XH1's girlfriend and her family could be a part of making me feel that way when my XBF struggled to do the same.

Anyone else have any holiday revelations?