It's been a rough week. Maybe it's menopause - not sure - but I've been pretty weepy and blue this week.

I hate it that I had a spell of missing my XBF. I used ALL the techniques to remind myself why I walked away. Logically, it all makes sense. Emotionally, I guess I was just going through a phase of missing his presence and all of the good things. I've shaken it off and today is a better day.

My DD30 received a job offer but not from the big company she really wants to work for. Big company was supposed to let her know this past Tuesday about their hiring decision, but the last person to interview asked for an extension until March 4th.

The other company that offered her the job sent the written offer yesterday and she was supposed to have only 24 hours to decide, but it came so late in the day that she was able to negotiate making her decision by Monday COB. The money was lower than she wanted, so she told them she had an offer (fib) from big company and the other company upped the money and gave her an additional week of vacation. The downside is that this job is making a component for missiles. She didn't want to work for a defense contractor, but this area is all about defense. It's also an hour drive from where we are living right now, with 9 hour days and every other Friday off. If she takes this job, she wants to move closer to the job.

This broke my heart a little. She's an adult so she needs to do what is right for her. I don't want to constrain her, but it's been a financial burden supporting her while she's been looking for jobs. I had hoped she would stay with me another 6 months to a year so that we should share costs while she restores her savings and I pay off a debt. But, I can understand the hardship of a 2 hour commute each day from this house.

Logically I understand that after living alone for the last 5 years, she wants her own place. I get it. Emotionally, I was really enjoying living with her and hoped we could help each other out. I've been treating her like an equal - not a child, so it kinda hurt to feel like she found living with me annoying. It really felt like ingratitude. Even my DS33 gripes about "living with mom" when he merely rents the top floor of my other house. I come to stay there maybe 2-4 nights a month in the little bedroom and he pays super cheap rent.

I respect that my kids pine for independence, but it feels quite hurtful that, despite my best efforts to NOT be annoying and not mothering them, they gripe about "living with mom." Logically, I get it, but it hurts my heart.

So, Monday is the BIG day. Big company will make it's hiring decision. I hope it goes her way. If it does, she will likely stay with me a bit longer because the job is fully remote. If she takes the other job, she will probably move out in the next couple of months into her own apartment.

If I had my way (which is irrelevant when respecting adult children), she would get the job with BIG company and live with me a little longer. But, if she takes the other job, there is a good chance she would only move about 30 minutes away from me - 1/2 way to the other job. It's not that far, so I'm coping.