I am so blessed...

It's been 11 days since I left XBF's house with the last of my things. I've had a rough few days - to be expected.

However, since last Wednesday, I've been on a pretty even keel. And suprisingly, I find it somewhat amusing but also slightly concerning, that XBF now has THREE dating profiles on the same platform.

He created one with the zipcode of his mountain house a few days before we officially broke up and updated it with pictures and more information while I was driving back to my house the day I broke up with him.

A few days later, he created a very detailed profile for his zipcode in Baltimore. This profile contained the same falsehoods about his education, smoking and drinking frequency. But it also had pictures - many which were not very flattering. LOL It was also full of "philosophical" BS about what makes a good relationship, that he's seeking a good partner and lots of words suggesting that he's sooo laid back and "easy." LMAO I usually only check once a day, but this account is the one with the "green light" on just about every time I peek.

My friend J, the woman who I felt my XBF was paying too much attention to that night when I got jealous, messaged me to say his profile had been suggested for her, AND she had blocked him immediately.

2 days ago, I found he had created a THIRD profile, a second profile for Baltimore. It was very sparse - one picture and limited details - as well as some weird responses to built in Match prompts such as: "You'll know I'm really happy........when I purr like a tiger." If you knew him, you'd know this is out of character for him.

My one friend thinks that he was upset to see that J blocked him so he created the new profile to verify if she had and/or to possibly contact her as a childish way to get a reaction out of me. This just feels so toxic, and I'm on alert because I have a feeling that he's spiraling and is upset that I'm not chasing him begging for him to come back to me. I think he'll probably reach out sometime in the next month or two. I've decided that blocking him is what I'll do if he reaches out. I don't think he's dangerous, but I will also be charging up the batteries for my security cameras just in case of shenanigans.

On a high note, Friday night I got to meet my DD30's boyfriend of 3 months. He's a very nice young man and clearly adores her. He met my XH1 on Saturday and that went well, too.

Saturday morning, I did my 6th Polar Bear Plunge and raised $558 for the Special Olympics. I love this organization. I actually plunged twice because we thought the video didn't take the first time. LOL

Saturday evening, one of my dearest friends came over for a girl's night. Next thing you know, there's a knock on the back door and a massage therapist arrived to give us each a 1 hour massage in my living room. What!? If that's not evidence of how much my friends love me, I don't know what is. My circle of friends is so loving and they are part of the reason I saw that my XBF just really didn't demonstrate his alleged love for me very well. The massage was a decadent and extravagant gift - not something I expect from anyone, but my friends are loving and giving with even the small things that XBF struggled with. And they are all excellent communicators, to boot. And we also have conflicts, but we work them out! Imagine that.

My dear friend and I had a lovely evening and spent a good chunk of the day together yesterday before she headed home. I then did a fair amount of unpacking of the things from XBF's house and my other house to make THIS house truly my HOME.

It feels good. And you lot are part of my beautiful support network. Thank you, so much.

la_dulce_vida's blog
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Do It Now

Block him now. On all avenues. Phone. Email. Social Media. Etc. Charge up the cameras. If he comes around, immediately call the police.

And while I understand the need to "see" what he's doing....careful to not go over-board. You took the trash out....leave it to the curb, Sweet Lady.

We haven't been connected on

We haven't been connected on social media (Facebook or any other platform) for more than 2 years. I did follow him on a cycling app, but I changed that and I unshared my Google Photo albums with him.

I haven't blocked him on the phone yet. I don't need to unless/until he starts texting or calling. If he does it even once, I'll block him. Email is Google and I can't actually block him but I can have his emails sent to the trash bin. I can't stop him from mailing me letters and that's a real possibility.

I don't feel like I'm in danger but I did talk to one of his former girlfriends (in 2019) on a Facebook group for women dating widowers. She said when they broke up, he kept reaching out for months with petty BS. I have reason to believe that he will reach out either with some pity ploy or a snarky text or email.

I did leave behind a few things and he could always use those things as a way to make contact, but I've promised myself that he gets blocked on my phone after the first time. I do want to keep it open to see if he does it before I block it as that will give me a clue if he's spiraling further.

how sad is his ass? he cannot

how sad is his ass? he cannot spend too mmuch time alone with himself. pathetic. and I am so glad you made the move you needed to to protect yourself.

Everything I'm seeing is

Everything I'm seeing is confirming I did the right thing and he is, in fact, a sad and immature man. It's quite validating.

He's lying on his profile and spewing the same BS he was spewing to me with his philosophies on relationships and how his profile basically lets a person know they cannot expect a lot from him but he is looking for a good partner. He never says he will be a good partner. He never says what he offers except an old man who likes to putter around his house and also likes to travel and stuff. He's not making a very enticing offer to attract women.

He's offering them what he offered me: a chance to hang out with him at his house, in his bubble, while he lays around in a hammock or putters in his garage. And, oh, sometimes, like maybe 6 times a year, he likes to get out and hike or bike and stuff. LMAO

I thought about your post

I thought about your post again and he actually DID like spending time by himself - he loves his alone time. What he doesn't like is being uncoupled. I think he liked being PART OF a relationship but on HIS terms. It was nice to have someone like me who is active and willing to make the effort. With me he still had plenty of time alone, but also had someone to talk to and do things with if he wanted to.

But a HEALTHY man would take some time to regroup, focus on his health and strive to make himself a better partner before dating again.

Kudos!

But good luck finding a "healthy" man. Most want everything on their terms only.

people always tell you who

people always tell you who they are.. just sometimes you have to read between the lines.

Laid back and Easy just remove a few letters (phonetically)... and you get "Lazy" and that is the partner he is.. he thinks laid back.. really he is passive.. and wants others to read his mind to know when to leave him alone.. to plan the activities.. push the social envelope.. he is content to .. just not.

I'm so glad you are settling in to a happier place. Clearly his multiple profiles are odd.. and it could be any of the reasons.. or just that he is casting a wide net.. hoping to catch a fish.

2 profiles in the Baltimore

2 profiles in the Baltimore area is not really casting a wide net. If anything, it would be a red flag to a lot of people that this person is creating multiple profiles in the same town on the same platform. I am quite sure he did it to bypass someone blocking him to see if he was indeed blocked or to try to contact someone who had already blocked him.

I can see that.. just weird..

I can see that.. just weird.. I mean.. if I was someone that DID block him.. I would find that super offputting.. and watching him do it.. yuck.

It is super weird because I

It is super weird because I have a dummy profile (different name, diff height, diff city, etc) that NO ONE can see. He could have just created a hidden profile to snoop, but NO. He now has two public facing profiles in the same town. The only reason for not having a dummy account like I do is that you want SOMEONE to see the new profile and you want to communicate. It's reeking of being unhinged on some level.

Good for you for getting out!

Block him

Get him out of your mind. He has a life to live. You are not part of it anymore. He now like a neighbor, three blocks away. You know him by sight, but you just don't care about him

Thanks for the recommendation

Thanks for the recommendation. If I feel the need to, I will.

I don't know if you've ever been through a breakup, but after spending years with a person, it's not like you can turn a light switch off and suddenly never think about them again or stop loving them.

This is a process and I'm sharing it here. I think that if someone can suddenly turn off their thoughts and feelings for someone, they probably never really loved the other person.

As I said in previous posts, looking at his pathetic antics on the dating profile HELPS me to realize how dishonest, sad and pathetic he is. He's on there like it's his full time job. If he had poured that time and effort into improving himself, he might have been a better partner to me. It's confirmation to me that he's the kind of man who numbs (alcohol) and distracts (new partner).

If it ever felt like it was holding me back, I would stop. It's not. My life continues to get better each day.