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My DH is the biggest problem. (language)

LaVieEnRose's picture

Submitted by LaVieEnRose on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 4:33pm

I use to have to deal with batshit crazy BM and now DH is my biggest problem. Batshit crazy BM is still batshit crazy and still stupid as fuck, but DH isn't being much better at this point.
I don't think I can last much longer. He seriously expects me to do everything for SD, but won't lend a hand to help me out with our kids. He can say whatever he "hates" about our kids, but I can't say shit about SD or I'm mean and evil. He can shove SD up his fucking ass, she's use to living in shit at BM's house anyways, she'll feel right at home.

I see so many posts on here about stepmoms that say they use to never be like this, they never felt this way. I use to like kids, I still do, but because of DH and BM, alot of the time lately I can't stand being around SD.
The last couple of years it's because of DH the most that I can't stand being around her.

Just thinking about everything that has happened, everything I've done for them and then the way me and our kids get treated has left me so angry, resentful, regretful. I feel sad about it all, but I can't even cry, because I just feel so mad.

I feel like leaving. It might hurt in the beginning and it might be hard at first, but I want to feel happy again and I'm not really happy right now. I'm more miserable then happy.

Ofcourse something happened today to why I'm feeling his way. Almost everyday something happens, specially when SD is around, that makes me feel this way.

Just needed to vent about how I was feeling, it was this or slamming a few doors and breaking something.

Comments

LaVieEnRose's picture

Submitted by LaVieEnRose on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 5:17pm

My DH goes back and forth when I ask him to go see a marriage counselor, one that has experience with blended families. One day he wants to, the next day he doesn't. I'm worried it might be too late. Just the way he talks is so unreasonable. He always sounds like he is the innocent victim. All the stuff he has done to me has hurt me so deeply I don't know if I can ever trust him again or count on him for anything. Certain things I will never forgive him. I've tried, but can't.

I know I make my mistakes, I know I'm not perfect. I'm willing to work on our marriage, but I'm done doing it alone.

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 5:41pm

If you need to break something to feel better do it. I had a friend once give me a whole box of dishes, that she had gotten from Goodwill, just for that purpose. When I feel pissed off enough I go break a few dishes and I feel better.
Or I go tear a wall down(im slowly redoing my entire house, from the studs in).LOL

LaVieEnRose's picture

Submitted by LaVieEnRose on Fri, 07/20/2012 - 7:00pm

Lol@ tearing down a wall.
I wish I could tear down all these walls right now. I'll also need a few boxes with dishes to throw around.

Buzybee82's picture

Submitted by Buzybee82 on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 1:10am

I know exactly how you feel! About everything you've said... it's the same here too! Dh puts SD above all else, our marriage, our family, our kids, everything! I'm ALWAYS to blame too, he and SD have no part in any of it... it's all my fault. DH treats SD different than our kids, and she has special rules ( meaning she can do whatever and get away with everything) but our kids can't! I resent SD now, and dread our weekends with her cuz I'm miserable EVERY time she's here!
How long have you been together? How often do you have SD? How old are all your kids?
I don't thing giving an ultimatum is ever a good idea, that can backfire. How are things when SD not around? Is it worth throwing away your marriage/ family?

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sat, 07/21/2012 - 3:21am

I don't thing giving an ultimatum is ever a good idea, that can backfire.
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I think you always have to be extremely careful when it comes to issuing ultimatums however if you are genuinely and seriously at the point where you think you cannot go on, that your marriage is over then you HAVE nothing left to lose. As after all, you were going to chuck DH out or leave yourself.

If you havent got your ducks in a row first, then plan what you will do for the worst case scenario e.g. if you want to leave then make sure you have accommodation sorted (even if its a place to stay with family), some money in the bank, access to any joint accounts, storage for all your things and get some legal advice before your seperate so you know where you stand.

I got the point where my life was being made a misery by DH, his family, his kid and his ex. So it wasnt just one thing ruining my life and I had enough. I DID issue an ultimatum and told DH if things didnt change then I was gone. I also stopped doing 90% of the things I did before e.g. I refused to speak/be nice to his family and ex, I changed our house number so I didnt have to hear them harassing me, I refused to have skid over to my home because of the lack of rules and the abuse we had from BM (including threats all the time). Did I WANT things to end up like that? No way, hence why I endured it for so long, but life is to be enjoyed not endured. YOUR happiness is just as important as sd/DH's and its time to bloody well stand up for that and your sanity.

Is it worth throwing away your marriage/ family?
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Trouble with this statement is from where I am sitting, it takes TWO to make a partnership/marriage work, not ONE, plus you could argue that its not the OP who is throwing her marriage away. That would be her DH. HE has made the choice, while knowing his wife is really unhappy, to continue with the status quo. He has been asked to change and help out including with trying to salavage the relationship, but refuses to. Instead its much easier for him to try and force the current conditions to remain as it works for him, hes happy.

I am not suggesting the OP leaves or divorces her DH, but I am saying that if you are THIS miserable then realise that you cannot and should not shoulder the full responsibility of ensuring the relationship works and fixing things. When you feel you are, then you are in trouble and that is when it is time to start working out what YOU need to do to fix your own happiness, as ultimately you ARE responsible for your own happiness. This isnt selfish, this is sensible.