I have been on Stepchat for a while now... mostly reading, responding, but not really blogging a lot. My first/only post was to ask about how others handle Parent-Teacher interviews... but I thought I would take a moment to post more about myself.

I am a self-proclaimed 32 year old Stepmother and a genuine Stepdaughter(many times over). I do not have children of my own.

I have been with my SO for 3 years now. To say we have had our ups and downs is an understatement. When we first started dating he had recently left his wife. Quickly I was labelled the "other woman" and since she couldn't take any responsibility for her part in her failed marriage I became the family scape-goat for everything that happened between them (according to her), despite the fact of me not having anything to do with their marriage ending. Some facts though I can't deny. We were friends/co-workers before he left his wife. Nothing happened between us, and never did I ever have anything to do with the end of his marriage. We started dating casually about a month after he left his wife. I never thought in a million years that we would make it 3 years, let alone a few months of dating. After 6 months of dating and getting his life together on his own, he had a complete break down/realization of "holy crap I am a single dad." He pulled a total 180 and after he took months to convince me to commit and be in a relationship with him, he wasn't sure he wanted to be in a relationship anymore. 6 months of agonizing stress ensued which I won't bore anyone with (but it involved a couple of break ups and a severe case of IBS on my part)... but after that was over, we decided to move on in the relationship with the next steps. After a year of dating I met the boys and another year after that we moved in together.

The boys are 3.5 and 5.5. We are close and I think that has a lot to do with their age. Of course we have our moments, but for the most part and I am almost embarrassed to admit but it seems I am the one that they come to most. When I first met them, my SO was struggling. He was a fresh single father, he did it for a year on his own with lots of support from his parents and he fought to get as much time with his kids as possible. His ex's attitude was "you left, you get nothing"... She was angry and hurt and believe that he left her for another woman and no other reason and she definitely put him through the ringer for it. I seem to be the big rule setter in our home. My SO is a great dad, but he had a lot of guilt and my first impression of the kids when I met them was... wow if this is how the kids are treated... I can't handle it. They were spoiled rotten! I am glad I put my foot down right off the bat with how the kids were allowed to behave. My biggest issue in our home is Dad wants to be the buddy. So he bounces from being zany funny daddy, to serious dad laying down rules and the kids get confused and obviously can't focus on when dad expects of them. I on the other hand tend to be the one they refer to. Is that ok? even though dad just said it was, is this ok? Which seems so weird to me. I do a lot of parenting... probably too much, if you ask me... but I try to balance it out by doing extra-curricular activities for myself only at least once a week... but for the other times, I am here and very involved.

For the most part, I am glad I stuck it out through the shit to get where we are now. Other times I still think WTF are you doing here in this life and never in a million years did I ever think this is where I would be at 32. Sometimes I want to scream and pull my hair out and other days I wouldn't have my life to be any other way. There are still some big issues on the table, excluding step-life and ex-wife issues in general that we need to deal with. Such as my need to have a child of my own. This is what I am pretty sure will make or break us. When we first started dating he thought he would be willing to have another child... then boom! He didn't know if he wanted anymore kids... then most recently it was "I am pretty sure I don't want anymore kids, but I might change my mind"... We have had this talk too many times, but we both know it is going to come to a header at some point... right now it is just day to day though and as much as it is a dealbreaker, neither of us are ready to make it what ends us at this stage... we'll see where that goes. For now, it is just another day in the life of...

enough ranting...