It's been a very nice holiday weekend. Hot, yes. But it stays pretty cool here in the house, up under the trees. I've kept the windows open and the fans on so the breeze blows through. And there's always the air conditioning in the bedroom if it gets that bad - which it hasn't.

We've been doing a whole lot of nothing. The coffee I ordered showed up Saturday and it's been fun trying the new flavors. We've been getting takeout so I don't heat up the kitchen, although last night I did do some sweet potato fries in the deep fryer for a snack while we watched a movie. Looking forward to another lazy day today.

Your father tells me that your mother called him. Apparently she has figured out that she can't just go down to the courthouse and say "I want money because I said so" and have that happen.

You and your mother seem to think that it is your father's responsibility to provide entirely for you, and that it is *also* your father's responsibility to provide for your *mother* if she can't do it herself.

But that's not how it works. In reality, it's exactly as I've told you right along. You can go to court, and they will ask for financial information from *both* your parents, because *both* of your parents are responsible for providing for you, not just your father. And given that your parents have already been living apart for years, your father is not responsible for providing for your mother. Your mother is an adult and has been living on her own for years. She is responsible for providing for herself.

She is entitled to money to support *you*. Before she can do that, she needs to be able to support *herself* on her own. That is not your father's problem. If she can't do that, then she is not entitled to have you.

As I have told you, the courts have a table that tells, in dollars and cents, how much money it takes to support a child based on the income of *both* parents of that child. The table might say something like, if both parents together make $800 take home in a week and they have 1 child, then the support needed for that child is $160 per week. As I have told you, again, that number is the *total* support needed for the child, *NOT* the amount the noncustodial parent pays. The *total* from the table is the amount *both* parents are responsible for. The next step is to look at how much of that total each individual parent is responsible for. And they do that by looking at what percentage of the total income each parent makes. So in this case if the father makes $600 a week, that's 75% of the total income of $800. So the father would be responsible for 75% of the support for the child. That would be $120. The mother is making 25% of the total income, and is responsible for 25% of the support of the child. That would be $40. So if the child lives with the mother, the father pays $120 a week. And if the child lives with the father, the mother pays $40 a week.

Of course, we know your mother never did that for the six years you lived here. But that's another issue. The point is that *both* parents are responsible for the child. And *nobody* else is responsible for the child.

Before you can get a child support award from the court, *both* parents have to submit all their financial information. And once that's done, it is a very easy process. There is a table, and a number will be taken from it.

Because your parents don't make a great deal of money, that number would not be very high for you.

Your mother seems to believe that *she* can decide how much the support should be. Maybe she has friends telling her that. I don't rely on things like that. I do my research, and I know how the system works. Should your mother choose to go through submission of the financial paperwork, the court would calculate a number for you. It would not be enough for the two of you to live on in nearly the style you're accustomed to.

If your mother were to choose to argue with the amount and say she needs more, then the court would be very likely to order an investigation. That would mean that people from DYFS would come out to look at where you were living.

And the minute they saw the environment she provides for you, they would take you out of there. They would *not* tell your father, "dude, you have to pay more because she's incapable of earning her share to support her child." No, they would say "ma'am, if you can't even support yourself, you aren't *entitled* to have your child with you until you get your sh** together."

At that point, since you've made it clear you don't want to be here, you'd be put in foster care.

I told you this already. I hope it's true that your mother has realized that that is what will happen if she goes down that road.

Making false accusations against your father won't change it, either. If you do that, they won't just be "very likely" to order an investigation - they would *definitely* order one. And your current environment *would* be found unsuitable. And if you were accusing your father of being abusive - here wouldn't even be an option, even if he'd have you. So there would be nowhere else for you to go but foster care, who knows for how long. Think it through.

And regarding your bullshit about your father; the entire time you were here, I told you when I felt your father was being too hard on you. There were times, particularly early on, when I felt that he came down harder than he might have needed to.

In the past three years, I have told you clearly over and over that regarding the repeated, constant arguments about your schoolwork *you* are wrong, *he* is NOT. You were given every possible chance to get your act together before he imposed serious consequences on you. You continued to slack off and fail to do your best for literally years before he actually took any major action against you.

Then last spring he finally grounded you from going out on school nights, which of course kept you out of weekend competition since you couldn't practice.

Your response to that was to bail out of the house. Must be convenient to have your mother there as an escape hatch when you don't want to follow the rules or pay the consequences of your own choices.

But it didn't work out, did it? In under a month she was on the phone begging your father to come and get you because you were out of control and somehow she got physically hurt after a confrontation with you.

And you say it's your father who's the problem? Both your parents agreed that you have become disrespectful, lazy and belligerent. And you've behaved aggressively with both of them.

So your father took you back, and you say you're not happy because things are "different." It just *proves* how incredibly clueless you are that you thought they should be the same. You have a serious disconnect: you think you can do whatever you want and there should be no consequences for you. You think that you can be irresponsible in school and you should still be allowed all your privileges and if not you bail. You think you can mouth off to your parents and behave aggressively with them and they should still treat you like a privileged five year old. And you think after you stab your father and me in the back and then we're forced to have you back here, that things are going to be the way they were before.

You just don't get it. You can't act however you like and have everyone kiss your a**. You seriously believe people are unreasonable and unfair for imposing the appropriate consequences on you for the behavior you *choose*.

And the idea that "it's not the same - it's so bad" is laughable to begin with. Your father took you out at least half a dozen times with him in the two weeks before you left, and I took you out at least that many times myself, separately. As I recall, you had a fine time with me at the various places we went, and I'm certain you were happy as a pig in sh** when you were out with him. But because you *used* to have even *more* than that, now suddenly that's not *enough* for you. And because now you are actually expected to *follow* the directions you're given, and there are consequences if you don't, now it's *different* and you're *unhappy*! Oh, boo hoo! And because now your father reminds you repeatedly of what you have done wrong and continues to remind you each time you screw up, now he does *nothing* for you and you don't want to *be* here! Waaaaaaah! It's pathetic and ridiculous.

I've never seen such a grotesque example of someone not appreciating what they have. It's disgusting.

In any case, it was 100% your decision to go behind your father's back and plan with your mother to run out of here again to avoid following the rules and being responsible. It was her decision to go along with you even though the last time she took you, only months ago, she ended up begging your father to take you back.

So now that the two of you have made those decisions, and you have demonstrated again how incredibly clueless you are and how you totally don't appreciate anything your father has done for you or I have done for you, the two of you are totally welcome to each other.

She says that you know he's upset and you're upset about it. Again: there are consequences for what you do. You think you can tell him, *twice*, "screw you and everything you've done for me, it's more important to me to do whatever I please!", and he's going to be like, "ok, that's fine?"

You can't have your cake and eat it too. When you tell somebody to f*** off, repeatedly, you can't expect them not to eventually say "same to you."

There is nothing else your father can do for you. He tried *everything* he could to be there for you and to teach you the right way to be. He is not perfect. But he did a damn good job, and he has always been there. What he did wrong, was wait too long to impose consequences on you. He didn't want to be hard on you, and he hoped he wouldn't have to, so he never grounded you or took anything major from you. And by the time he had no other choice, you were so deluded that you thought nobody had a right to do such a thing to you. And instead of changing your behavior, you ran off to your escape hatch.

She's not helping you by letting you do it.

He has already done everything he can.

You won't be permitted to run back and forth. You won't be told that the way you're behaving and using people to get your way is fine. You will get exactly the appropriate consequences for your choices.

He sucks? Well, then I guess it's not a problem that he's not available to you anymore. You should be relieved. He was so bad, right? You'll get your money. That's all you need, right? You don't need a shitty-ass father who does nothing but yell at you.

Clueless idiot. It's too bad you insisted on learning the hard way. It's your problem now. Don't bitch - you have exactly what you wanted.