History - Adult stepdaughter (40 ish) stopped talking to us about seven years ago when she didn't get some of husbands inheritance. Except for numerous adult temper tantrums and name calling over the phone there has been little if any contact with her father over the years. The only exception being whenever she needed services at no charge performed by dear old dad. In our last ( and only) phone call about 4 years or so ago, adult step called me names, told me I was a horrible person, informed me I was nothing to her, accused me of keeping her father from her even after he personally tod her that wasn't true but claimed she had rights to my children at the time because she shared blood. I disengaged and have not dealt with her in years except for peripheral drama she kept causing by her continued attempts to interfere in my children's lives over the years and her and her brothers periodic tirades with their father. I have enjoyed not having to deal with her drama.

SD learned she wasn't invited to my home for an engagement party I threw for my daughter( her half sister) a few weeks ago. Hells gates opened as a result.

Below are the latest texts. I remain disengaged but I don't think SD is done yet and the level of hostility and delusional thinking she shows is concerning. I don't have anything concrete to request a protective order although I do think I need one.

I feel the need to vent so please be tolerant in your replies as I already know to remain disengaged and also know my husband should have shut this down immediately. I wouldn't have tolerated this from even my own children.

SD original text: Hey dad. Hope your doing well.
I don't need anything. Nor am I wanting to argue.
I just wanted to let you know that my girls are my life & I think it's so sad that they are treated like nothing all Bc LSM hates me. It hurts me so bad. And for the life of me, I cannot understand how you could let any of us, much less your granddaughters be treated as if none of us exist.
I will always love My half sisters ALWAYS!!!Regardless of what wedge LSM puts between us. But as usual, I'll do it from a far. Just like she wants it.
LSM won long ago dad. What more does she plan on doing to me & my girls?
How can she sleep at night? Bc whether she realizes it or not, she is hurting Her children too. I'm not a bad person.

No need to say anything.
I just had to get that off my chest. Not that it matters tho.

Husband: (offers to meet to discuss the lack of invitation to party.)

SD: I appreciate your willingness to meet & I'm
Assuming discuss the party. I don't know if that would be productive tho.
Bc I don't want to argue. Nor do I feel up to getting upset or being misunderstood with respect to the whole situation. I'm not mad at LSMs kids. I never have been & never will be. I'm not bad person & my kids should not be punished for stupid petty crap. I've been through enough. And lord knows my girls have too.

Contrary to what some may think, regardless of how old LSMs kids are I'm never going to hold these types of situations against them. I feel it's what they've been taught. Maybe I'm wrong but I know how LSM has felt about me for several years now. And I think it's sad that she's never come to realize how much she's hurting everybody. I also am disappointed in you. Bc I'm your flesh & blood & you have two beautiful granddaughters that apparently aren't worth sticking up for.
Maybe your situation doesn't allow you to. Or maybe you don't want to. Either way it hurts dad. And unless you want to be truly honest with me. I mean completely honest regardless of how hurtful it may be, I don't know what we could possibly talk about.

Husband: SD do u remember I was told point blank do not show up at your wedding and how mean and hurtful with the things y'all told LSM do u really think she's going to invite u to her home it seems like the only time u contact me is when u need something r something likes this we talked when u were doing the house I thought we were doing well it was left u would Call - never heard a word till now this doesn't mean I don't love u and the girls very much

SD: Are you saying that I'm being punished Bc of what happened when I was getting married?
Thought I apologized for that. And we had moved past it. And the mean hurtful things we told LSM?? She needs to grow up & realize that she's far from perfect! And far from being a saint. But at the end of he day.... Maybe she needs to learn how to do what's best for others instead of herself.
Oh & about the call
Again my apologies. I unfortunately since we've been in the house, we haven't had a lot of time
And regarding me only calling you when I either want something or to bitch. My phone doesn't ring a lot from you either. But regardless, I'm a single mom trying to stay a float. I don't ask you for anything monetary. And I never will. All I've ever wanted was to be a part of your life & my sisters.
Guess our past is the answer to that.
I'm not mad tho dad.
I'm too tired to be mad.
Just do me a favor & listen to your heart instead of someone that hates me, your son & could clearly give a fuck about Your granddaughters.
Let her know tho, I don't hate her either. Bc she's the mother of my two sisters. I just think she's not a good person.

And it would be real nice one day if you could speak for yourself instead of saying what she says or wants you to think. Your supposed to be the glue. You allowed this to happen. And don't deny it Bc you've already admitted that before.
I'll never hold the past against you. But don't crucify me when I come to you about my my feelings. It shouldn't be something taken personally. I'm your f'ing daughter, why am I out of line telling you how o feel??
That's insane.

At the end of the day dad, just know you are welcome in my life whenever. If you want to call feel free, if you want to stop by that fine too.
My reaching out to you was never about throwing stones or picking a fight. It was my feelings. And that's it.
Also, I have not talked to My brother about any of this and don't plan on it. So no need to think your going to get a phone call from him or that there's any weirdness between y'all Bc of this. Bc all if that would be the opposite of what I was trying to accomplish.
So remember that please. And tell LSM that I've grown up & choose to not live in my past.
Best wishes to you.

Husband: Sorry been tied up I'll get back to I when u have a chance to read carefully but one thing she is a good person u may not remember how y'all treated her

SD: Maybe I don't remember every single thing dad.
But what I do know is that's a sad excuse to turn around & treat others like shit. And not just any random person, 2 of your children & grandchildren. So Sad that you are even saying this crap! Shame on you dad. And shame on her. If you two choose to live that kinda life then good luck to you both.
Take a hard look in the mirror tho & at least be honest with yourself about just how truly happy YOU are with how your life is at the preset moment. And if you are at total peace with what your saying & doing.

Btw, She's done a lot of awful things as well. But I refuse to live my life holding some grudge against her.
I was married to an abusive person. I will never allow anyone else to mistreat me or make me feel lesser than Bc of their screwed up since of reality. I'm well schooled on those types of people. It's selfish. But worst of all its sick.

And please stop taking up for her by back handing me & your son.
she can call me whenever she'D like if she wants to talk to me about what she's been stuck on for YEARS.
I Wanted to to talk to YOU. Not have a conversation with her writing your messages for you. Bc remember,, I don't exist to her. So she should refrain from putting in her two cents.

SAD. DAD. REALLY SAD.

Husband: She hasn't seen these text - I'm writing

SD: Well that's even more sad.
I cannot believe the stuff you have said to me in these text messages.
You'd think you were proclaiming shes some Saint & I am some no good POS.
actually I'm YOUR daughter.

Husband: I never said either of those things not sure how u came to that conclusion

SD: Well it's my perception of what you said in the above text.
Maybe it's wrong choice of words. But I don't know how far off it is.
I could make a chart with things you've said about her & things you've said about me..
I treated LSM horribly
I only call you when I want or need something

She's a good person,
Been treated bad, ect

Husband: U saying u never treated her badly u may not remember some of things u said and did

SD: Well refresh my memory then

Husband: No think about it

SD: Why? It's clearly fresh on yalls minds. So just tell me? Or is it so petty & old that it's ridiculous & off base??

And I know your not even going to refer to shit when I was a damn kid. If so then we are all fucked dad. Bc that's some lame ass ridiculous crap that your buying.

Are you able to think for yourself? Do you, only you. Really feel that I've been so terrible that I deserve to be ostracized from my family?
Please just tell me your honest opinion.

If you can tell me. It'll help me a lot. And I will likely be able to close all this down. And not trouble you anymore with my terrible self.

Tell me what I've done to her?

That's the very least you could do dad. I'm not asking for much right now. All I want to know is what it is so I can hopefully understand & move on.

Husband: Read your text every thing u say is derogatory all the nasty things U have called her. LSM has never called u any thing bad. u will u need to apologize to LSM. You can't expect that she would want u in her home with this level of hostility, this negativity is not helping.

SD: I've read my text. And I haven't called her names. I've stated my feelings
Which you in turn basically acknowledged by saying I shouldn't be surprised Bc of the way I've treated her.
I ask you what I've specifically done to her & I get nothing in response.

I have continued to tell you from the start that this wasn't ever about arguing. Your son doesn't even know about any of this. And why? Bc I've learned that in the past it's been counterproductive.

Yes. I'm pissed, aggravated, frustrated & extremely hurt that YEARS can go by & regardless, we are still treated this way.
So maybe some of the things I said above may have been mean or unkind. BUT SERIOUSLY,
Your response & lack there of regarding what I've done to her, is all those things & then some.
At the end of the day dad. I can own my shit. I have may faults. I'm far from perfect. But one thing I've learned these past few years is I AM STILL WORTHY. I am somebody. I have 2 beautiful girls & they deserve way more than what you've given them.

Husband: On many occasions u deliberatey left me out of things for the girls when they were growing up I even recall one time U told LSM u did it on purpose. Daughter I love you, my son and the girls but u cannot blame all of the lack of interaction with the girls on me u did not include me

SD: Dad I acknowledged that there was many times long ago that I didn't include you. I also told you long ago that I regret the way I had handled certain things. And I thought we had moved past it.
I haven't voiced my opinion to you in quite some time. YEARS actually!! I've been dealing with my own crap for the last 5.
So for you to bring up any of those long ago things is silly to me. And makes me realize even more that it doesn't matter what I do or don't do I'm always going to be not good enough.

Husband: Again it's not me u need to apologize to yes u excluded me but it's LSM you were disrespectful
to

SD: You know I've never told you this before but out of respect for LSM I never reached out to either of her children until they were adults. And when I did, I never said one foul word about LSM. And never will. I would NEVER do anything to hurt either one of them.
All I ever wanted was to know them, be apart of their life & hope that once they did know me & the girls that would feel the same.
So yeah, excuse me if I'm upset dad. I'm so sorry that at 41years old I'm still being punished for shit that I'm not even certain of. And excuse me for thinking that my dad of all people would understand my feelings & help this situation instead of pointing out all the horribly things I've supposedly done, oh wait, but your not telling me Bc I'm supposed to tbink about it.

Husband: U can't acknowledge how crappy u treated LSM can u daughter. I love u and the kids I wish things were different but until u Acknowledge that it won't get better

SD: And me acknowledging that is supposed to make it better? You've never told me that before.

Husband: Well Daughter when u treat somebody like crap I thought u would know that

SD: Ive been treated like Crap a bunch in the last 41 years. I have gone without many apologies. Bc I've learned sometimes it's not about an apology. It's about actions.

Husband: I'm sorry it's late I'm going to bed not all your crap came from here most came else where and I'm sorry about that but I was never told not sure what if anything I could have done but I was kept completely in the dark

SD: That's fine.
Regarding my crap...
No one knew about it. Not my mom or Your son. So don't feel slighted or in the dark. Instead maybe be happy that I no longer live that.
Crazy thing is... I'm always the one apologizing to you.
Good night

Husband: I'm sorry u went thru crap u should have told somebody maybe they could of helped in some way if nothing else not going it alone

SD: Hind sight is 20/20. And until you walk in someone's shoes you never know. Not askin for sympathy tho. And I don't blame anyone.
It's just the reason I firmly believe that time is very precious & to only surround yourself with people that love & accept you for who you are, not where you were (edited to add; we definitely agree on this - lol)

Husband: Sorry just getting back to you been very busy it is due to your behavior in the past that excluded u from the party I think we need to work on our relationship first then work on other issues it might be best if we waited a week r two to let things calm down I really do want to make it work but it had to be fair for all concerned

SD: By the past, I'm assuming your going back several years.
And I recall you telling me the same thing back then, about you & I working on our relationship first,....
So in other words, it's the same thing but 10 years later.
And I can't help but be like wtf? By your comment of "waiting a week or two to let thinks calm down."
Sounds like more of the same. So maybe in another 10 years we'll have this conversation again. ?

And "fair for all concerned." ?
Who exactly are we speaking about?
Thought this conversation was between you & I. ?

Husband: It is but it concerns people besides u and me and no I'm not talking ten years

SD: So you told LSM and my half sisters that I texted you about your granddaughter asking me about party, & how our conversation went on from there?

If not ten years ago. Then I don't know what your referring to.
Bc I haven't been around or able to be around them since then.

Sorry but I'm confused & things just don't make since to me.

Husband: No Your half sisters know nothing as far as I know. U said ten years, I just said no to what u referred to about ten years

SD: So you & LSM need to calm down.

Again, sorry but I guess don't understand exactly what your referring to.

But all I can say is,
I can't beg someone to accept me. Nor can I change whatever it is that has me condemned still. The past is the past.
I won't allow myself to stay stuck there Bc it does no good & it's toxic.
Hopefully one day you'll realize that no one is perfect & holding grudges against family isn't how family treats each other.
If that offends you or LSM. All I can say is sorry but it's how i feel.
Random strangers treat me better.

Husband: You are right no one is perfect I'm doing what I think is best I believe we have to resolve our issues first

SD: This is clearly out of my hands.. So all I can say is
you know how I feel & my number. And i guess I'll talk to you when your ready.

Husband: U will be hearing from me

End of ranting

Since this time husband has invited her to lunch. I am not optimistic about anything good coming from this for either my marriage or their relationship.