I watched a few videos on adult narcissistic children and a couple of them really stood out. One that talked about the narcissitic parents and what they do to maintain control of their kids and the other about narcissistic adult kids. Both were very revealing and validating to what I am going through. My husband does exactly what the first video said. Paying her so that he can keep her hooked on HIS money rather than encouraging her to get a REAL job! He also indulges her in alcohol even though drinking is against his religion! Even with THAT he buys her enough that she is looped on every date they go on! Why would you do that? Well because he WANTS to keep her down!

He wants her dependent and a loser so she can run to him for everything and RUN she does! She wants, he gives, she doesnt get, she pouts and threatens til he gives in and I realized that everytime this little play act they do happens where she wants, he refuses until she pouts, and he gives in,,, they are conditioning each other and plowing deeper into forming a trauma bond! And I realized that this is going to evolve and worsen over time. Her demands will grow and the dance will begin again....

'Give me or I abandon you"

which she KNOWS is his biggest weakness! How much more? I believe her wants and entitlement is endless. Just as the video by Dr Ramani said, there is no end! They will take and take until you are penniless! This scared the crap out of me!! It was always my fear since she came back into our lives but when I heard the Doctor validate my fear I KNEW I was doing the right thing! 

I thought about why I had put up with my narcissistic husband for 20 years and I had further revelations. I realized that because of my own abuse suffered at the hands of my own father, I am the 'push over' that I have been for so long.

You see, I was sexually abused routinely. From the time I can remember until I was 12. This conditioned me to shut up! Stay quiet, don't draw attention because lord knows if you are noticed, you will be used again so, stay meek, stay in your room or go somewhere and only come out for your basic needs. As I remembered how I felt then, it makes it clear to me now why I have accepted this life.

For years, I have endured just staying quiet. Everything is husband. What HE feels, what HE wants, what HE thinks, HIS needs, HIS thoughts, HE does ALL the talking...and I .....stay quiet. But my reward is he doesnt demand too much affection (kissing hugging) He will make me feel bad about it sometimes but mostly I lay low and its ok. He allows that I have my own room because he understands my need to have my own space where I feel safe (plus he snores bad!). 

My life is not whole but it is enough because I accept that I am not whole and never will be. I found someone who accepts a broken woman and I too accept a broken man!

The problem happens when his adult children upset my security. Threaten all we have worked for by waltzing in with a "you owe me or else" and he flips. His narcissism and need to control them by giving them money is receprocated with fake admiration that he is all too happy to pretend is real! Even though I say over and over that his daughter is only in his life for money he says "I don't believe that! She really cares about me!!" 

And so here we are! My security is threatened because I have devoted my life to a man who would seemingly give it all away to have his kids love which he will never have! And as I listened to Dr Ramani it was as though she was describing my SD with every word! She questions everything we buy and is obsessed with our will. All the demanding and emotional blackmail and the constant blaming for all the wrong in her life! I know that I can not be bullied by her anymore! I read her latest text tonight. She says she has to move to another apartment, This is like the 4th one in the year she has lived in NYC and why? Always SOMEONE elses fault! Now it is one of her roommates "sexually harrassing" her.  My guess is its because she brings home a different guy everynight and has wild sex parties and her roommates are fed up! She will always turn the story around and blame someone else or use projection. She is always the victim! Now she is asking for more money so she can have HER own place in Manhattan. Geez we are moving up in the world pretty quick on Daddys dime! Yep, never gonna end. Her price keeps going up! 

I have no choice but to leave this toxic environment!