At my end
I have been with my fiance for 8 years - and it has been a difficult 8 years. His ex wife has tried on a regular basis, to create something, lie about something - whatever - make things difficult - to just make things suck. She's told him repeatedly he needed to dump me. Eventually she started using her daughter as her tool, claiming I was bullying her but could never give an example (unless you call painting the kids room how she wants it, or buying her every dang personal item, and clothes, and books you thought she woudl like bullying).
Daughter doesn't have to lift a finger in our house, she has been given this entitlement that she is too good to do anything. I walk on egg shells around her, less I am a monster. If i ask that she do dishes, her father goes over to do them with her or for her. I watch her tell him to f**k off, shut up, I hate you, walks away when he's talking to him, hangs up on him, left the house in her car the one time, says my family is horrible, my son is an asshole and should die, stealing, etc, does all kinds of things with absolutely NO consequesnces. None. I am NOT exaggerating. This has been going on for years. But its getting worse. Now that she is driving I have suggested taking driving privleges away if she does these things, or speeds, etc. Nope.
Everything with her is ignored, but not with the other boys in the house.
Her mother harasses me to no end. She veered her car at me once and I keep being told my fiance oh theres nothing I can do. I filed a police report for harassment and he got pissed at me! Her and her daughter both do things and know there are no consequences and keep doing things because they can.
Over a year ago, I saw on a NHS application, she/her mother had filled in volunteer information that was false. Yes, I do know it was false. I brought it to her father and he agreed with me. We both knew it. I asked him to talk to her about it and fix it. He did not. There are other things going on that I cannot go into detail about, but it woudl explain more into the situation - but I decided something needed to be done, so I reported it to the school that the volunteer information was incorrect. I heard nothing back. This past year, she in passing said her mother was filling out the information again on this years application for her. With a multitude of BS going on, I passed on an email to the advisor annonymously to pay attention to volunteer information. Well - that email got sent to her mom and all hell broke lose. Now I am a bigger monster than before. Fiance is pissed that I went over his head even though he wasn't parenting his kid in any aspect and she needs to know that she can't cheat her way ahead in life. There are kids that bust therir asses for NHS. I know this isn't the end of the world, but you have to teach your kids this kind of thing isn't ok. But he was essentially telling her cheating was fine. I am NOT ok with that. But he keeps telling me it wasn't my place. None of her anything is my place. I have no business in her life.
I don't feel it was wrong to report it. I don't. I feel I coudl have not done it annonymously and just owned up to it myself. Maybe even confronted her about it instead but that is not the culture/relationship we have because thats what he has made it. I cannot bring anything up to her.
I can't say it ruined his/my relationship because it was so highly strained befre this happened and I can say 100% its because of his ex wife and her BS. He refused boundares. I can't blame her either I guess. He refused boundaries. He refused to parent. He refused to stand up to her or allow her to continue the behavior without defending me. But he wants me to go to counseling with him/his daughter for them to basically yell at me about why I reported daughter cheater when I had no proof and I am not allowed to discuss any of her/his past behavioirs that contributed to any of this.
He is so back and forth you'd think he was bipolar. Wants me to stay but is chewing me out the next day giving me the silent treatment. He gets so many texts from daughter/ex wife clearly they are not happy he's still with me. So they must be giving him a ton of grief.
I'm exhausted, but can't leave...