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Things are going smooth...

LRP75's picture

it's hard to believe it, but it is.

SD was here over the weekend, with no major drama or problems. She did try to read DH's text messages on his phone. Her invasion of others privacy has been an on-going battle.

I wonder which of the following made the most difference:

1. We are in our own house, thus no more meddling grandma and grandpa.
2. Now that we are in our home, and it is MY furniture in the home, I have established that belongings and property WILL be treated with respect and destructive behavior will NOT be tolerated.
3. I (yes, me) established that there HAD to be boundaries and expectations for their behavior -- I even created a "Rule Board" with everything written and spelled out for them for easy and immediate reference.
4. Rules are now enforced and consequences WILL be paid for breaking said rule.
5. I (yes, me) am "too stern" and the children are "afraid" of me -- you know, because I don't "ask" them to quit climbing on the counters or to stop bouncing balls in the house.
6. DH has stepped up to actually control his children, because he's "afraid" of my drill sergeant parenting style and doesn't want his kids "feelings to be hurt"...
7. The fact that I told the kids about themselves (i.e., that the reason why we have a lock on our bedroom door is because they can't be trusted to not steal or invade personal space, that the reason why they can't hang out with their cousins is because of their foul language and nasty behavior, and that the reason why no one comes around while they are visiting is because people think they act like wild animals and no one likes them. I followed by saying that if they are humiliated or ashamed by the things I am saying about them, THEY are the ones who can change how they behave and earn people's trust again).
8. I insisted on "Family Therapy," which we attended for a year before marriage, thus giving the skids an outlet to vent about the PASing they get from their mom and to build the courage and skills to stand up for their right to love their father.
9. Showing the kids proof (only if they wanted to see it) that the things their mom was telling them about their father weren't true (i.e. showing them proof that their father pays his child support).
10. That I disengaged -- and told them WHY I was disengaging and that their poor treatment of me made me unwilling to participate in an intimate relationship with them.

****

It's because I, me, wouldn't put up with the bullshit, fucked up, asinine, insane, and dysfunctional behavioral patterns that GRANDMA and GRANDPA and DAD had going on that the kids are now behaving NORMAL.

Yeah, I'm such an "Evil Step-mom."

Comments

mom2boys's picture

Way to go! I truly believe what you are doing is great. Children have to have boundaries and learn to be accountable for thir actions! Sounds like if you stay on board with what you are doing you'll be earning more respect and skids can be normal kids! Funny how the damage of grandma n grandpas do.. We r dealing with that too