Is he being disloyal or I am being unreasonable?
I need objective advice here.
I am incredibly hurt that my husband carries on a close relationship with his 36 year old daughter that completely excludes me. She refuses to talk to or see me. I am fine with that since she is determined to break up my marriage, is rude to me and is generally a toxic force in our lives. She complains to my husband about me and speaks badly about me to friends and family. Happily she lives out of town.
My husband talks to her several times a week, from the office, never from home. She almost never calls here unless she knows she can't reach him anywhere else. If I answer, she hangs up.
Now, he wants to go see her. Obviously that will not include me.
I know it is natural to want to have a relationship with your child. However, I am so hurt. I feel that his conduct by pretending with her that I don't exist is disloyal and I am worried it is becoming a deal breaker for me.
Am I being unreasonable?
- lstewart's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
As a 36 year old myself, I
As a 36 year old myself, I wouldn't fathom treating anyone with such disrespect. And I would be thrilled to know that my Father had someone who loves him. And if your husband is willing to tolerate this behavior at your expense, then it sounds like he hasn't been the parent he shouldve been. If at 36 she still wants her Daddy all to herself, then she has issues that only a therapist can address.
My answer to your question
My answer to your question ........ Both. He is being disloyal and you are being unreasonable.
Not that my wife or I have ever had this particular situation to deal with. But, we both will occasionally take time with friends and family away from each other. I encourage her to go visit her family periodically without me and she has purchased tickets for me to hang with Mom, Dad and my Brother when the opportunity arises for the original Rags's to get together without the kids and spouses. Not that this happens all that often.
Though my Wife is a fully a Rags and is actually best friends with my Mom she understands that some quality time with my parents and my brother is important as I understand that it is important for her to go home to her parents and sibs occasionally without me.
As far as your DH and how he chooses to deal with his extremely immature 36yo daughter, he needs to provide her with absolute clarity that you are his wife and you will be a part of his relationship with her .... PERIOD. You don't need to be involved in every visit or every conversation for damned sure you should not be excluded entirely from the relationship.
Just my opinion of course.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)