Almost 7 years ago I joined this site because I was really struggling with being a stepmom and watching my husband being hurt.  I posted a couple of times, then got busy with life and forgot about it.  Well, as time has gone by things have only gotten worse and they are reaching a breaking point for me.  In need of an outlet and some sort of indication that I'm not the only one who feels this way and I'm not in fact a monster, I started looking online, and lo and behold I found this wonderful website!  Imagine my surprise when I found out I had already joined *shok*  Anyhow, it was interesting looking back on my previous posts.  I feel like I was so naive.

At this point, I'm so sick and tired of my husband constantly having to fight with his ex over everything.  I'm tired of her accusations and insinuations.  I'm tired of feeling like even though we've moved 1200 miles away she's still in my house disrupting and interfering and keeping us in a near-constant state of turmoil; I mean, she may as well move into the spare room.  And mostly I'm tired of the brainwashed little brat that my SS has become.  

It's safe to say at this point that I don't like him.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that hate is more accurate. 

Let me backtrack a bit to let you know how I got to this juncture in my life.

About 5 or so years ago my husband was finally allowed to have his son for two whole nights a week (yay!...?).  Not much changed over the years really, except that the brainwashing of Little Lord Fauntleroy took hold pretty well.  It was sad to watch his gradual withdrawal as he began to believe that his dad was not as wonderful as his mom because he didn't pick him up and carry him around at 8 years old or let him sleep in our bed or take him to Monster Jam or Lego Land every year *eyeroll*.  He would come over and at times it would be so uncomfortable and tense it was literally a relief when he would go back to his mom's.  He would act as though being at our home was just something he had to get through, a chore until he could get back to his mommy and it was painful watching my husband try so hard to find common ground with his son and come up with fun and engaging things to do with him when he was in our home moping around.  In fact, it really started to piss me off a long time ago and I began subconsciously detaching myself from SS.  I love my husband, and my kids love him.  He's such a good dad and he's tried so hard for so long, and even though it's breaking his heart he continues to fight. Me, however?  I'm done.  

A few months ago, my husband retired from his job and we decided that it was time to get out of California.  There were a variety of reasons, and it was a difficult decision, but it was something that was necessary.  Unfortunately, that meant asking BM to be a grown-up and work out a new visitation schedule with DH.  

Of course, we're back in court.   Thousands of dollars later, and I mean thousands in just a few month's time, we still don't have anything resolved and the mudslinging is just getting worse.  She bought precious a cell phone because heaven forbid she can't talk to him every second of the day when he comes out here to see us.  She's so hellbent on creating some sort of mental or emotional health issue for this kid that she can blame on dad that it's actually disturbing.  I can't even believe someone would use their child this way or that they could actually get away with it - does no one else see this sh*#?!  She takes him to therapy weekly and has his pediatrician convinced that he's so consumed with anxiety that now he's been put on Zoloft.  She alleges all of these behavioral issues, yet, other than being mopey and disinterested at times, we don't see any of these behaviors she's claiming when he's with us - never have.  She literally has described behavior that makes it seem as though this child has developmental disabilities - rocking and chanting, outbursts of screaming and crying, making threats...either she's full of shite or this child is Jekyll and Hyde. 

She has turned him into a weird, awkward little misfit that has no friends except his mother.  She put him in a small private school and then got a job there so she could hover over him at all times day and night.  She wants to control every moment of his life, including when he's with his dad, spends all her time projecting her feelings about my DH onto the child, and then wonders why the kid's such a basket case when he's with her? 

Although, I have often thought when we were trying to have conversations with him about serious issues and he was trying to muster up some sort of emotion or eke out a tear or two that he's not only insincere and manipulative but quite possibly a sociopath in the making.  Way to go BM.  

She told him that she was scared his father was going to bring him out for a visit and not return him.  Who does this?!  She put a tracking device on the phone and a password and won't share it with my husband.  When he's here, SS slinks around the house trying to text his mother when he thinks we're not looking, or goes to bed, pretends to go to sleep, and then texts her into the wee hours of the morning talking trash about his father to his mother.  We only know this because BM printed up a bunch of texts that SS had sent her bad-mouthing his father and using profanity during one of his recent visits.  He's 11 years old.  She didn't at any time tell him it was inappropriate to talk about his dad that way or to not use profanity.  She encouraged it because of course, she's letting him vent because it's so awful he has to spend time with his father.  There was nothing of substance in these messages; she just brought them to court to hurt my husband's feelings.  It was devastating for him to find out that his son feels this way about him.  She even asked SS to spy on us by taking photos of our home - a reminder popped up on his phone while he was here (awkward).  

Basically my husband, no matter how hard he tries, has to always prove that he's a fit parent in order to be allowed to spend time with this ungrateful, spoiled, sociopathic tw@t, but his mother is infallible because she squeezed out the little crotch goblin.  ALL HAIL THE GOLDEN UTERUS!!  And I am continuously astounded and disappointed by the family court system's antiquated ideas on fathers and mothers, especially in the great progressive state of California.  

I am washing my hands of this child.  I don't know how this is going to turn out, but honestly, if I never had to see him again that would be just fine by me.  My loyalty lies with my husband, whom I love dearly.  I will support him in this no matter what happens, but I'm tired of putting up with this brat and his mother and I'm bone weary of watching as my husband's heart is shattered into a million pieces because he wants to be a father to this boy.  

I really tried to love this child and I thought for a little while that I was going to be able to pull it off.  Boy was I wrong.  At this point, I'm just trying to keep him and his demonic mother from destroying my marriage and ruining my husband and it's getting harder and harder every day.  

And that's how I feel this morning.  I'm sorry if it was a disjointed mess of a rant.  There's so much more, this has been going on for so long, but I would be writing for days.  I hope I don't sound like too much of a heartless monster, because I really did try, but I just can't anymore.