Thank you Tog & Chief for some wonderful insights and suggestions. Doing something exclusively with BS is a wonderful idea. We play chess together as well as other board & card games, but nothing that takes us out of the house. I once was a boy scout and enjoy model rockets & radio controlled planes so I see some definite possibilities there. Now that he can read (on a 4th grade level I might add! ) it's a good time to look into those activities. Resistance is NOT futile and I will not go quietly into the night.

Yesterday Rock Band was amazing! BS8 was enjoying the microphone and singing while I played the keyboard. The mic came with a stand and it was awesome to see him "rocking out" and singing full tilt (dance motions & all!). What a wonderful time. DW joined for 2 songs on drums, but wasn't "feeling it" and went about other business. All was good until I notice my SS16 working on our newly painted wood porch with his friend dismantling the $200 electric scooter I bought him to get to work on. He doesn't have a drivers license and he doesn't like his bike (which he picked out). I assumed he was doing some minor repair but found out later he was trying to retrofit it to a gas engine his friend had found. WTF?

After checking the barn to make sure my lawn mower was still intact, I informed my DW that even IF (it's a huge IF) he succeeds, there is no way he can ride it legally. This is a small town in Maine and the police are quick to notice everything. One of his brothers best friends had a lot of problems with the police for EXACTLY the same thing. I suggested she insist he put it back together as it was or he will be looking at a ticket, fine and delay in getting his drivers license until he is 18. She says she told him that, but he thinks it won't be a problem so she told him to take it to his friends house to work on it instead (which he did). I will never see that scooter run again and wondering how I am going to get away with buying him nothing for Christmas. (talk about a really bitter time of the year for me!)

Determined to be undaunted in my joyfulness for the day, I let it go.

Fast forward to evening as I consider the fact that it has been a good day and thinking I will have to eat my words about it "always changing" when...Poof! Here it comes!

During a conversation with DW about how long people sleep, I comment "I envy the fact that you can enjoy sleeping" a reference to the fact that I have often told her that I would rather not sleep if I could as it would be so nice to have those hours to do other things. She says, "That cannot be so, you cannot envy something you do not enjoy".

This sets about a "discussion" about how I envy her "enjoying" sleeping, not envy "sleeping" which she took as a stab at her sleeping 10+ hours on some days. Which, I must admit bothers me at times, but I leave it alone as it does give me more time to myself. It was not the point of the statement, none the less and resulted in undue friction which was ramped up when I heard SS16 still up and about in his BB23 room after 11pm when he has summer school today and should have been in bed at 10pm. Of course, this leads to more "discussion" about how she's "got it" and I should just forget about it. Oh well, for conflicts this one was minor but I sure do get tired of going to bed resentful.

Alas, a new day dawns.

Starting the same as most days. Quiet music, my BS8 watching his "YouTuber's" on Pokémon (and taking notes, I might add) while playing on his 3DS. I do so love this time of day.

Watching the clock and wishing it would slow down. I sooo don't look forward to waking her up but we do have shipping to get out and life must go on.

At least the rain has stopped and it is shaping up to be really nice outside. Going shopping with BS who has a quarter burning a hole in his pocket for a gumball. I challenged him to save $15 of his allowance without spending any of it and I would match it so he could buy a $30 Pokémon game. Surprisingly he is up to $7 and is determined to get the matching funds. At a $1 a week, I am impressed by his ability to delay gratification. He explained to me that the quarter he found outside on the ground is not his allowance and does not count towards the deal. I just have to smile.

Am I wrong to consider how easy it would be to simply just drive away with him?

Of course, I can imagine the "Amber Alert" for a child kidnapped in Maine and the subsequent manhunt for the evil perpetrator, so I resist.

Maybe today will be a day without conflict. I can always hope.

Time's up. Damn this time goes too fast. I must learn to type faster or figure out a way to have more time to myself. It's near impossible when DW is less than 6 feet from you most of the time (our desks are almost back to back and where we spend most of our day).

I wish I had more time to read the other posts on here as well. I think I will start migrating in a change in routine where I stay up after she goes to bed. Not sure if I can pull it off without suspicion, but it's my only hope for more time.

Thanks for reading. It's always reassuring to know others care.

Not a cheery morning today.

Sitting feeling really unattractive and unwanted. BS8 is with me sharing the morning quiet but I don't seem to find any peace in that thought at the moment.

My thoughts seem selfish.

I don't know what to say. I am just sad. I want to cry but don't dare as it will alarm my son.

Must keep it together and shift focus. The cloudy grey morning is not helping.

Learned DW is planning on taking kids to see BGP's in Canada in 2 weeks (for 2 weeks). Something she does twice a year and I support as it gives me a much need "vacation" from skids. Obviously, I miss my BS8 but we speak everyday and end every night with a "(air) hug & an audible "kiss"). It's a tradition I hope will never change, but inevitably will.

I will be left running the business completely on my own, so I won't be bored that's for sure. Wish I could figure out a way for a work vacation without severe financial consequences. At least I do get a familial vacation (bitter sweet as it may be).

Going to be a busy morning (as usual). The monotony of my schedule is killing me. Everyday is the same. Motivation is a real challenge.

I want to do things, but cannot see how without including skids. I could exclude them, but the resulting negativity has the same overall effect. Just different crap.

Took BS8 shopping yesterday for groceries. What a clown he is with the check-out clerks. (shifting focus!)

He amazes me so many times and brings me joy like I never knew could exist. (must change focus...as it's causing me to get upset again)

Ugh...I am a mess.

I am sure this post is incoherent and a mess as well. Sorry...it is simply what it is.

Until tomorrow.

Ugh...just had to drop a note to say...ugh...

Was at peace with DW & kids leaving today, was looking forward to some "me" time. I chose the wrong activity.

Time for some good tunes, a hot cup of coffee and some random dancing!