Phonies on the Forum?
I've been on ST for many years now and have seen many people come and go. There was quite a "purge" a couple years back and many long-time members were banned or just disappeared.
IMO, that started because there were "phonies" posting on here whose sole purpose was to stir the pot and cause trouble. Naturally, many of the REAL stepparents expressed outrage at some of the phonies' comments, verbal fisticuffs ensued, and people left - either willingly or unwillingly.
Lately, I've noticed an up-tick in people who seem to be of the similar "phony" category. They join up, their profile seems shady, and then the things they post don't jibe with who they are purporting to be. For example, their first post asks for advice and describe a situation where there is drug/alcohol abuse, child welfare problems (where anyone with sense knows enought to report it) and physical confrontations, yet within a week the very same person is posting extremely articulate "advice" to others about their vast experience in stepparenting using educated vocabulary and language which does not coincide with their profile and situation. They then go on to ask about other members' personal situations. In some cases, they readily admit they are NOT stepparents yet want to give controversial advice to those of us that are.
Within a short period of time, these people disappear.
Just throwing this out there to see how others feel about this matter. Quite honestly, I see a lot of well-meaning members spending a lot of time giving advice and counsel to people who are questionable, at best. I wonder what the purpose is in pretending you are something you are not, and asking people about their (often heartbreaking) situations or for their advice, when you are sitting behind a screen.
I guess I am just getting disheartened that a place I used to find refuge in has become an on-line landmine of phonies and time-wasters.
I think people come on here
I think people come on here to test out their fiction writing skills. Most of time, these are the stories that are just too crazy and unbelievable. I try to refrain from accusing someone of being a phony, but I also don't waste my time on them once I get that vibe.
I was one of those members who left a few years ago and I left because there were "Mean Girls" bullying people, and everyone was so negative all the time about stepkids, it began to feel toxic to me. Plus my skid PAS'd out and I was done focusing on skid issues for the moment. It's better here now, for me anyway.
The internet will always attract people who want to pretend to be someone they aren't. I don't want to accuse real people of being trolls, so I just stay away if I suspect that.
This....
I would like to LIKE this comment more than once.
LOL well I deffantly do NOT
LOL well I deffantly do NOT come out here to test out my spelling skills, my spelling is terrible. I just want to get out my thoughts and not waste time correcting my spelling.
Most of the stories on here
Most of the stories on here are similar - BM is crazy, or DH is a Disney Parent, the skids are challenging, etc - some variation on the same theme. When people come along with Wiccan stepkids or bigamist husbands (for example), I get skeptical. Seems like they are trying out a novel plot to see if it's believable.
Thats true, OP, what good
Thats true, OP, what good would it do to go to a support website forum on say, autism or cancer just to judge, not support and waste time?
I have been here on and off
I have been here on and off for 10 years. There will always be phonies, but they get weeded out quick.
I tell my husband things that
I tell my husband things that are going on here occasionally, and we use it for discussion topics ( We have around 23 years of stepparenting experience) and when some posters start to be mean and not "listen" to others correctly, things get all heated here. when It concerns me I tell my DH about it and he says "WHY DO YOU GO ON THERE? ITS JUST DRAMA!" I say "because its young stepmothers doing the best they can and I want to be there for them."
any way, children are spending their lives with someone with no genetic connection to a person for whatever reason. What kind of a sick minded person would want to tear down, critisize, attack, frustrate, blame, ignore, neglect, ostracize or abuse a caretaker of a child? would we do this to a child care provider or a teacher then expect her to care for our children? NO! if we did, she would spit in our childs milk when they are not looking or try to avoid our child in class and focus on cultivating the minds of the other children.
God bless you Booboobear
Grateful for your attitude & contributions.
Pay it forward
The "real" stories on here could be an anthology, "Chicken Soup For The Step," and sell a billion copies! Yup...there's a few sketchy posters and at least one S*** Stirrer" whose psychobabble is typically off the mark.
There is so much shared wisdom on ST and I always feel validated from others' replies. Been here a year and if not for some of the posters and their well-thought out replies, I think I would be questioning myself much more. It's not like you can walk out the door and find a group of individuals with step dilemas.
I've seen a couple of really provocative replies that have no place on this forum...IGNORE. Albeit, I've felt like attacking a few times.
I like the notion of paying it forward. The good always outweighs the bad.
“Ignore the whore” - pretty
“Ignore the whore” - pretty good advice when you smell a rat.
There Are Several
"Mean Girl" Trolling GUBMs who are on here, get kicked off after crossing the line, their whole mission to trash SMs, then reappear for more "fun."
I concur. It's sad and
I concur. It's sad and annoying. We have people who are legitimately looking for help AND people who are legitimately trying to help. All of the trolls, fiction writers, dramatists, mean girls, and phony therapists need to get a life. Elsewhere.
Aren't we all sitting behind
Aren't we all sitting behind a screen asking a community of like minded adults about their experiences to gain support and knowledge? I've given advice and taken advice.
Yes, phonies are there. But I think it's easy to weed then out given their stories will eventually get mixed up.
I'm just glad a site like this exist. It validates each person going thru a blended family dynamic and helps everyone to be understand their own situation and gain support from those going thru the same experiences.
This site is worth having to
This site is worth having to comb through a few nonsense posts and phonies. And God bless the poster if some of the stuff I've thought was phony is actually taking place. I haven't had a lot of step-issues yet, which I think is a combination of a sane BM and reading the advice given to others which allows me to avoid problems by recognizing early signs and dealing with them. I hope a few phonies don't discourage people from giving the good advice we usually get here.
Sadly, some of the phonies,
Sadly, some of the phonies, etc, have chased people away.
I have been here for years as
I have been here for years as well. I survived the great Purge and the ban before that, and I agree that some accounts are just troublesome. I would imagine with the rate of new members comes a handful of those that are skids during their holiday breaks internet surfing out of boredom. It will get worse as schools let out for the holiday seasons. I've come to the point of only commented/posting on blogs that are believable and even then I hardly every check back on the post.
My history on ST goes back
My history on ST goes back many, many years. . Thank God I found it when I did. My dh honestly thought he was the only one going thru the hell we went thru. Our lawyers were soooo surprised when dh would explain what BM was doing. LIttle did we know the stories are mostly the same.
I was here when Stickafork was here....that is how far back I do go.
Anyway it is mostly easy to figure out who are the phonies. Follow your gut---it is usually right.
We use to call the phonies "crew" lol. THEN we got in trouble....
I'd forgotten about "crew".
I'd forgotten about "crew". Lol.
Yes, let's all forget about
Yes, let's all forget about "crew", please.
Oh and as a sidenote.
Oh and as a sidenote.
**I prefer when people are direct with me as opposed to insinuating that I am a phony and referring to my many posts. Just because my vocabulary doesn't "coincide with my age" doesn't mean that what I'm saying isn't the truth.**
But thanks 2tired4drama for caring so much about what I have to say that you feel the need to indirectly harass me and make my situation seem invalid.
This site is to offer support, understanding, advice and knowledge.....not to belittle anyone for their circumstance....
It has become my refuge too.
I'm new around here and like
I'm new around here and like reading the stories and comments. I'm in a blended family don't have the BM drama and disney dad drama but it's still hard at times with so many personalities under the same roof. It's not until you are in the situation and as time goes that feelings are stirred and emotions arise and reading here makes me feel like i'm not alone and helps me better handle my blended family. I'm so grateful I learned about disengagment it has helped me a ton.