I believe we continue on after death. I've told my mom a lot of things after her death that I should have told her before she left this earth. I feel strongly she hears me and it's all good with us. Maybe this is something you can try? Just speak to her what you want to say. 

Best to you. May you find comfort in the coming weeks. Hugs.

I am sure your stepmom knew you appreciated her even if you never verbalized it. It is very sweet of you to make this post. It is nice for us to see that even when the relationship wasn't the best, we have an impact. Thank you for sharing.

I guess I am one of those rare stepdaughters that has a good relationship with my Step-Mom. I have told her I appreciate that she was always there for me. Thanks for the reminder tho. So many people pass and we never said the things we wish we had ... Can never appreciate what you have while you have it enough 

Death can bring on so many emotions, even when we didn't necessarily care for the deceased. Don't beat yourself up over things left unsaid. It happens to everyone. Maybe write down all the things you wish you told her and then when things calm down throw it out into the air as others have said. Maybe, if possible, visit her grave. People go there all the time to talk to loved ones who have passed on. It makes them feel closer to the person.

She is 36, married with a12 y/o.  Some of my posts can get you to understand better. 

Friday i got my breast biopsy results back.  I have breast cancer (2nd time since 2004). DH did inform SD, however, she obviously didn't care enough to even text me.  Not sure what the treatment will be, but I'm figuring she will want to come for a visit (she's 11 hrs away) someone in February or March... she's very predictable since she seems to have "Daddy issues" and thinks we need to visit every couple of months. That's where I'm putting my foot down.  Don't need the stress!

I am sorry that you have regrets.  Though I am sure she knows what is in your heart.

Take care of you.

If i am still married, i expect to die alone or with pictures of my relatives and dogs in my cold dead hands if they didnt move on before me. I dont think any of the steps give a f if I die or not. They might even rejoice because their hate for me is quite strong even though i never did anything to them...

Regardless, im not concerned and definitely wouldnt have a good death experience or final moments if my steps came around to visit/pay their respects

Tbh, if you werent kind to your stepmother, she was probably happy that you didnt show up for her last moments to remind her of difficult moments in her life...Also it hurts when ppl fake concern. I think you did well by not showing up.