It’s official: Skidville for Christmas. Or is it?

I don't even know how to process this one. DH called SD today to make plans for Christmas. Again, we will go to Skidville. I agreed because I have close family there.

A few minutes after they hang up, DH gets a message from her. Tells him not to come. She's angry with him somehow related to Auntie's passing nearly two YEARS ago. She says it not negotiable.

DH has no idea what she's upset about and she's said nothing all this time. I know she was angry about several things that the rest of us didn't do right (meaning things she didn't control).

DH and Auntie (his sister) were close. He misses her terribly, and I miss her too.

DH texted SD back saying he has no idea what the issue is and he'd like to talk to her. Nothing back from her. He is dumbfounded and sad, but not chasing her as he has in the past.

I told DH this is his relationship to manage. I am there for him to talk if he wants to, but otherwise not my business. It's so unbelievable and cruel to me.

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It's her control thing. She

It's her control thing. She has all the power (in her mind)

make other plans and when she decides to "allow" him her presence say "no, we've already made other plans. maybe next year if we aren't busy"

With my fam and SS in the area we might still make the trip. I did tell DH that I wouldn't be subjected to her whims--we make our plans and no last minute changes because she summons him. Her power trips are not my trips to take.

Brilliance!!!!

Her power trips are not my trips to take.

Stand Strong

I fully agree with your stance. In fact, I'd make plans as soon as possible and when she "changes" her mind, advise her you've already made plans after she un-invited you all. Be done with that. Let her wallow in her own mess.

Ah, Merry,

That little creep has been bullying her dad so long that it’s far too late for change. I recall how she insisted on having him visit the 'Auntie' who SD claimed was on her deathbed despite Auntie reassuring her brother (your DH) that she was fine and that his making the long trip was unnecessary. It’s almost unbelievable, that SD is still holding a grudge, after all this time, for having ‘dad’ disobey her orders!

Well, Hon, I hope you don’t mind me re-posting your grand Christmas Carol from four years past; it’s pure gold and pretty darned cheering….

Skidville Wonderland, anyone?

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 12/19/2019 - 5:28pm

To the tune of Winter Wonderland, of course.

Skid bells ring, DH is listening

In the house, they are whispering

The plans are all right,

If we bring more tonight

Walking into skidville wonderland.

Gone away is my sanity

Replaced with pure profanity

We sing a skid song, as we go along

Walking into skidville wonderland

In the living room, we will open presents

And pretend that it’s with pure intent

They’ll say thank you Daddeee

He’ll say nothing While stepmom quietly endures the whole event

Later on, they’ll conspire

As I dream about setting my hair on fire

To face another day

And the plans they they’ve made

Walking into skidville wonderland

Dang,Granny, you have quite a

Dang,Granny, you have quite a memory! Thank you for that blast from the past. That was pretty good!

SD has always been controlling. But this is a whole new level. Poor DH has no idea what he did "wrong," she's not "ready" to tell him. How childish and cruel

It really burns me up that we almost lost DH about a year ago. Even that hasn't softened her brick of a heart.

Go and spend that time with your family.

And.... show up where SD is just to make the point that SD does not dictate or control shit when it comes to her father and you.

Enjoy scrubbing her nose in the shit pile she creates for herself while you enjoy the holidays witn your family.

Toxic cruel people need to be spanked with their crap. Figuratively of course.

Merry Christmas SKid!!!

I stopped allowing SD to

I stopped allowing SD to dictate long ago, once I figured out that her "ideas" and "suggestions" were really demands. Nope.

So the answer is

If you want to go with out seeing SD. Make your plans to go. If SD changes her mind , you are there already..NOW. Nifvyiuevplans are not to go to Skidville, make plans to do something else. If SD calls with her mind changing. It's to late so sorry. Maybe next year.

What is it with SD's need to

What is it with SD's need to contrail? In our case I think I know the answer. When SK's were growing up BM used to do everything in her power to throw a monkey wrench in DH's plans by withholding information, demanding he drop everything on a dime to take SD's, sending SD's here during HER custodial time and various other control tactics.
The SD's did not fall far from the tree and DH was too lackadaisical about shutting that crap down. He is finally seeing the monsters he created but it is too late to change them, he can only put boundaries in place for himself.
We set a date for a Christmas gathering within the family group chat. SDiabla24 immediately texted DH asking "why?" (We asked everyone to meet on that day rather than another day that had been previously suggested by a different family member?) I told DH to give her a simple excuse such as our pet sitter is available that day or tell her "because I said so" but no, DH tells her that it is to give her enough time to travel here for the gathering. (Not true) Of course this opened up a can of worms for SD to argue about. She can't help herself but be a little dictator. No idea why DH likes to put himself in the fire out of the frying pan. He finally stopped responding to her.
Meanwhile, The real reason we changed the gathering date? In hopes SD stays with her damn BM over Christmas instead of rushing to travel here so she can attend said gathering. BM moved out of state so now instead of coming and going from our house to BM's house she has to fly here and we will be stuck with SDiabla staying here the entire visit. I want a peaceful Christmas with my BK's. SD24 has never spent Christmas morning with us. She always opted to stay with Mommy dearest. Then she brings her toxic energy to our house for Christmas dinner. Oh joy, but at least she didn't ruin Christmas morning. I plan weeks in advance and buy presents for MY BK's to open on Christmas morning. I didn't buy presents for SD. I don't want her here resenting that my BK's get more and better presents than her. It isn't my problem that DH (and her BM) are terrible gift givers. I would rather DH just tell her don't come before Christmas but he would never want her to think that we don't want her here. (We don't) So Elea is stuck waiting to find out exactly what day SD24 will grace us with her presence. I will not be buying her any last minute gifts. If she is here Christmas morning she is in for a surprise. She will get whatever DH gets her and nothing from me. She and her Diabla sister have gone out of their way to make sure that they only give gifts to my DH, even when it is a gift that would traditionally be given to a couple, such as home decor. In fact, I think they go out of their way to give him gifts that highlight they leave me out. Diablas!

OMG, Alea!

If my stepdaughter and stepson showed up at Christmas with gifts for their dad and nothing for me, my husband would hand his gifts right back to them and show them the door! In fact, we always receive the same (thoughtful and expensive as they are both successful adults) number and quality of presents. I would be deeply hurt if I got nothing since I’m equally considerate of them.

Your stepdaughters are a piece of work and I’m amazed that your husband allows them to treat you so badly. Arriving for Christmas, an event that creates so much work for the hostess, and deliberately insulting her by making a point of excluding her from a gift exchange is outrageous!

Dang, Hon, no wonder you hate the little bitches. Any person who could behave so badly in this one instance is undoubtedly nasty to the core. Ugh!

I used to buy SD's a small

I used to buy SD's a small but thoughtful gift. They give me a obligatory "thanks" but never returned the gesture so I stopped. It is one of those things that DH puts his head in the sand about rather than confront it. He doesn't like that they are that way but doesn't do anything about it. I decided it is not worth my time or energy to address it. I buy what I want when I want. SD's would probably give me a crap gift anyway if DH forced the issue.

Its really too bad SD, but your feeble attempts to control your father are going no where fast.

Love that song!

This year is going to be a just us year for Christmas, because no huge Husbands Family blowout until Dec 30. So, wont have to deal with Feral Forger much, I dont think.

What a whacko!

What a whacko! But yay!! You won't have to see her.