what would you do if...
1. skids that used to love you now ignore you and hang on DH
2. DH's parents live 8 hours (driving) away
3. you agreed to a vacation for 4 days at DH's parents house in a moment of weakness
4. at DH's parent's house, DH focuses completely on skids and won't take a break from nonstop skid focus to spend some quiet time alone with you because skids will get upset (hysterical) (or will "consider" it but then will make you feel so guilty that the quiet walk or quick game of tennis alone feels like you have thrown DH into prison)
5. you are 11 weeks pregnant and exhausted, work full time and have limited vacation.
6. vacation falls on dh's birthday
i am so, so dreading this vacation. i know it will be near impossible to get out of, but i go to dh's parents' home and feel like an unpaid babysitter, even in the best of times. now, with skids ignoring me, i feel tortured by the thought of it.
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Yeah, that would work BUT DH
Yeah, that would work BUT DH will know and be very hurt. He knows I hate these trips.
Also, I have a trip planned with him (a weekend away) and if I get a note, how do I justify taking that trip later on in the summer?
Thanks, this is really
Thanks, this is really helpful and advice that I will use.
How did your DH come around? Was it just time, or did you guide him?
true. the kids go to bed
true. the kids go to bed late, though, and by then i am WIPED out from pregnancy. i'm wanting to go to bed before them these days!
and he won't go for ice cream with me without massive stress and anxiety. that's kind of the problem... if he'd take SMALL breaks with me, i'd be fine. my stress comes from the disneyland he created, where there are no breaks with me and everything revolves around the skids.
Okay, at llmos pregnant (not
Okay, at llmos pregnant (not sure how that works in humans since we only gestate for 9mos) you should not be having to explain this deal to your DH...... oops, sorry for my misread, that would be 11weeks pregnant. :?
At 11 WEEKS pregnant you should not have to be explaining this to your DH.
As for the vacation. Do what you want when you want and DH can choose.
If you have discussed these issues with him and he has not gained clarity then keep him in a constant conundrum until he figures out that the marriage comes first. Of course you can do the DH/Skid thing most of the time but you should get some 1:1 time with your DH whether the skids (or BKs) are around or not.
For sure you should go. This is your time with the family just as it is DH's and the SKids time. The point of family vacations is the family.
Good luck.
Best regards.
I know...but lately I don't
I know...but lately I don't feel like I'm family. I've been pushed out to the point where the "family" is DH and the skids, and I am the pathetic third wheel. That's a big part of all of this -- I'm so sick of being ignored that I'm ready to throw my hands up and just give up. Terrible.
If we men had gotten the
If we men had gotten the boobs I would get nothing done. I would be at home playing with them all day!
Best regards.
Hey, what can I say. I am a
Hey, what can I say. I am a boob man ..... and a leg man ....... and an ass man .... and ..... well, I just like WOMEN!!!.
I like the fairer half of our species.
My dad had a cousin who lost his junk in a farm accident. I told my dad that if that ever happened to me I would get a sex change and be a lesbian!!!! :jawdrop:
He laughed.
Best regards.
Go and play the "i'm pregnant
Go and play the "i'm pregnant and exhausted" card.... so "while you guys go do wtf ever, i am going to take a nap" ~~ can't babysit while you're napping.....
I totally agree with this.
I totally agree with this. Play up your pregnancy - it's one of the few times you are entitled to 100% guilt free pampering.
Totally agree with starfish.
Totally agree with starfish. I remember the early months of pregnancy being exhausted! I couldn't keep my eyes open some days. Take advantage of it. I don't see why YOU play babysitter there if there is family (skids grandparents) around to help. You would think the grandparents would love to spend time with the kids. Anyway, I would take advantage if being pregnant & excuse yourself for a nap when you are tired or just don't want to deal. Then go into a room & sleep! Take a book to read or something too. What is your relationship with his parents like? I know if I casually mentioned how dh and I haven't gone on a date alone in ages that she's tell dh she'd watch the kids so we could at least go out to dinner.
The problem here is DH -- his
The problem here is DH -- his parents would LOVE to have alone time with the kids. The kids want their father constantly, and DH feels like he is abandoning them all over again when he leaves them, even for a short period. In particular, DH REALLY feels bad when he leaves them to do something with me. It's very interesting, from a psychological standpoint, but not very fun to live with.
We had a long talk last night, and DH said that he understands all the issues and that he has problems with this, and he said that he really wants to spend some quiet time with me on this trip, and committed to do so. I have major doubts but am giving him the benefit of the doubt -- will report back!
Like I said, if your
Like I said, if your relationship is good with the in-laws then bring it up to them. Tell them you'd like a date night with their son but he's hesitant to leave the kids. Maybe they can help encourage him that ONE night alone won't scar the kids for life! I think it'd be good for them to see you two go on a date. They need to know that you love each other and that your relationship with each other does matter too.