Naive comments.
This is just a general thing because living in suburban America my skids are definitely "sheltered." This statement from SS17 isn't maybe a sheltered thing or maybe something BM said to them when she got married... not sure.
Anyways..
Sometimes skids make comments and I'm like hmmmm. So last night myself, SS17, and SD15 were driving in the car to SOs friends house. SO was meeting us there so SS17 was driving and I was sitting in the back (by choice because SD likes to mess with me in the car jokingly when she's in the back) But I brought up how SOs friend and gf are now recently engaged. I wasn't sure SS17 knew or not.
Note: there was music playing in the car so SS17 and SD were kind of drowned out.
SS17 asked if he thought SO would be "the best man." I said I don't know about best man but possibly in the wedding party. I said GF is divorced (no kids husband cheated on her early in her marriage and she is currently pregnant with both their first late 30s) so not sure if she wants a whole other wedding again or what SOs friend wants to do etc etc.
SS17 followed with: "I thought you can't." Implying that people can't or are not suppose to have another wedding... SD at this point says something about BM but I couldn't really make out what she said... I just followed with.. why not? Your life do what you want...
I didn't bother with saying something like....so because your father was married and I wasn't I can't have a wedding one day if I want... I wanted to say that though.
Just a little background... BM remarried in 2019. She didn't tell skids about wedding and sent them pictures after the fact. Specially to then 12 year old SD "want to see mom and now husband dressed up." Then texted SD a bunch of photos. It still bothers SD she wasn't a part of BMs wedding. They got married a few hours away and if there was a "reception" here skids weren't invited.
So I'm curious if BM played some weird 2nd marriage card or SS17 honestly just thought people can only have a wedding once.
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Former middle class suburban
Former middle class suburban kid here, and I was taught similar growing up: second weddings shouldn't be as lavish as first weddings.
Not saying it's the right way to look at it. People should do what they want. DH and I had a very small, cheap wedding and we are each other's second marriage. But that had more to do with being poor and wanting to spend/save money elsewhere versus on a big day.
So, could be BM, but could also just be a cultural norm for the SKs.
Right. I totally agree with
Right. I totally agree with the taboo 2nd wedding concept. I grew up in the town next to where I live now (same type just different name lol) but never thought people couldn't have a 2nd wedding and I'm a child of divorce. My father married his 2nd wife when I was around 9 and that was a big wedding. So could be because I was exposed to that.. that marriage didn't last long.
I guess the way he said is hard to explain in writing. It was almost though he believed that people couldn't have a wedding. With the internet now too.. I just found it odd.
What about if it's one person
What about if it's one person's 1st wedding and the other person's 2nd wedding? Either way, God forbid SMs have anything nice. I guess we are always supposed to accept the leftovers then. Just one more reason to not marry someone with kids.
That was exactly the point
That was exactly the point that I wanted to make to SS17. Not worth it though. That would totally triggered a defensive response. Even if I tried to explain in a normal FYIing kind of way. So... people marrying someone who already has been married don't deserve a wedding??! Haha.
Ignorance
At their age. I'd just put it down to ignorance and leave it at that. As long as they treat you well, you and your SO make your plans and go on with your lives. Who knows BM's thoughts or actions. Now that I think about it, BM didn't invite the SKs to her wedding (they were living with us and despised her DH). We hadn't invited them, either, we eloped to Vegas.
I am. Not making anything of
I am. Not making anything of it. I just think it's pretty sad that people even at 17 (young but not THAT young) think that way. IMO.
Kids are victims of idiot parents.
Fortunately, decent parents outnumber idiot parents significantly.
I have had 3 weddings. The first was ridiculously expensive and the marriage lasted 2.5 years. The second was $500 and has lasted 28+ years. The third was when my bride and I renewed our vows on our 20th. I suggested that we do it at 20 in my DW's home town so her dad could walk her down the isle. I had concerns that he would not make our 25th. Sadly, I was right. He passed away a month before our 24th. The renewal was a beautiful wedding at a renown winery near my DW's home town with a number of award winning caterers, makeup artists, photographers, etc....
How disconnected does a 17yo have to be from life and reality to think that someone can only have one wedding? Particularly one whose mother has had two.
Your last paragraph. My point
Your last paragraph. My point. I think he was picturing a big/normal wedding but still... we aren't raising them to be this naive.