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Is it Normal That I Really Really Hate my Step Son?

mojo_777's picture

First i would like to state a little bit of my history i was married with my ex for 15 years and we raised 2 wonderful children, we separated after 15 years but remained friends after that then about 5 years later i met another women whom i fell in love with she had at the time a 8 year old problem child with a previous ex and a 19 year old daughter from another ex (I should have seen the problems then but was in love so as they say.....)
after dating for a few months i felt i had really found the person i loved at the time she was out of work no income and 2 kids being what i describe myself as being a giver in a relationship i offered to help pay the rent and buy food and all, being single, with a high paying job,having a large house which i lived alone with my shared 2 children and having many rooms to spare i decided to ask her and her kids to move in. I did lay down some rules and regulations that her son and daughter would have to abide by, especially her undisciplined boy i also stated that since her daughter was an adult and working she should pay rent ($300.00 per month all included)i found this to be fair, i then proceeded to equip their rooms with computers, televisions and even PVRs I also re decorated all the rooms i prepared our new room with a plasma TV, HDTV and a Laptop computer for her, well here is were it all started to break down i found myself dealing with her 8 year old son who did nothing but complain about everything especially food, answer me back very unruly, breaking things in the house, not lifting a finger to help around the house etc etc, her daughter never paid her rent, invited her friends over for parties all the time kept her nice room in a shambles. At the time my girlfriend had a condition which she prevented her from cleaning the house so I worked cooked and cleaned the house and all the while i never got any appreciation and her son kept getting worse and worse all the time, my kids also started to come to the house less often as they couldn't stand the little brat and they hated the fact that he was rude and disrespectful towards me, I kept telling my girlfriend that she would have to do something to change the situation with her children, this caused a lot of fighting as she would always defend her kids and just let them do whatever they please, her son was already in a special behavior deficiency program and in a special class almost everyday i had to leave work to go get him at school as he was intolerable there also, and again my girlfriend would defend him, suffice to say I did love her very much i put up with this for 3 years but i had become a different person I used to be happy laughing and generally always in a good mood. I got to the point where i couldn't even stand being near her children...i tried to do everything nice for them but i still felt alone i did everything and no one else in the house ever did anything I finally exploded in a fit of rage and threw them all out, but i felt bad that they had no money and no place to go so i took them back, I expressed and even begged my girlfriend for change yet it only got worse, to make matters worse my girlfriend never said anything nice to me she never said she loved me, never desired me in a sexual way, always said that it was my behavior and complaining that was the problem with her children she often stated that if they were my bio kids i would not react this way but i disagree my kids have always been polite well brought up and did not disturb anyone in the house, but she always managed to convince me otherwise, she also broke up my friendship with my ex-wife and her new husband, when i once asked her daughter to pay the rent as i had some rough financial times she packed her things and went to live for free at a friends house, my girlfriend then blamed me for the situation that her daughter left, I really could go on and on but suffice to say my kids my friends all said that i was being used, and she did not love me she was there because of self interest and the well being of her kids, i have always sort of felt this instinctively but i chose to ignore it she would then forbid these people coming over to the house, now i don't see my kids no more i have no more friends and i did the dumbest move ever in my life as she always said to me that she never felt this was her home and this was as she stated a big problem in our relationship, so I proceeded to make an offer that we become both owners of the house so we refinanced in both our names and she became half owner, by this point things did not get any better they got worse, she suggested that we get rid of my 2 dogs so that way we could have a nice home and yard, again thinking this would make things better i departed with my 2 dogs that i loved very much, as she now is working and owns haft the house every time i complain about her kids behavior in the house she says OK I will remove them from your hair i will leave and sell the house never once has she said that she would discipline her unruly whining lazy kid who is now 13 years old and deal with her daughter still does not pay anything or do anything around the house, I am living in a nightmare I am now faced with selling my longtime home, I believe i have been used as i did everything for her and her ingrate children and when i mention all that i did for her and her children she only replies with "oh yeah what did you do??" this enrages me as I know i did everything for her and her kids all the while she never did anything nice for me she even on 2 occasion totally forgot my birthday....so am i the bad person?? for doing every chore all the errands paying for everything for her and her kids and especially putting up with that little monster she does nothing about and keeps defending?????

Need advice
Thanks

Comments

mojo_777's picture

I would firt like to say thank you to everyone who has responded,i think this site is wondefull therapy initself and its good to hear that no im not crazy after all and its not just in my head (as she has told me on numerous occasions).I have made up my mind and i will cut my losses, lick my wounds and move on, the house be damned I am so fed up of hearing "ohhh what have you ever done for us, its you who is the bad person, you act like that because they are not your Bio kids etc etc etc.... I hope to come out of this a stronger smarter more cautious person

Agin Thank you all

Most Evil's picture

Clearly this is a very painful situation and I don't blame you. I would call the attorney first, then the counselor.

You need someone to talk to who can help you sort out what happened. Please stay single for a while until you get all this straightened out in your mind.

Don't blame yourself and who cares if ANYONE thinks you are 'the bad guy', just try to get your life back first. Hugs Smile

_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

Sita Tara's picture

I cannot believe she hasn't done this before. If you can find out the extent of what she did to the first two guys, you may be able to save your house. If she has done this same dance each time to get to a point where everything is in her name and then threaten to leave them and take half or more of it, then you may have a case for extortion.

There are people who spend years manipulating people to make a "living." The fact that her kids act that way themselves, as well as the fact that she seems to never be able to lift a finger to contribute sounds fishy to me.

Hope you can get out of this toxic environment and find yourself again.

SOON.

mojo_777's picture

Hello thank you kindly for the suggestion but her first hubby (Father of the 23 year old Ingrate free loader daughter) was a drug dealer and had nothing she could go after, the Father of the demon child has not seen his kid nor payed for anything in the past 6 years and he has just an average paying job, so sorry to say she could not extort anything from her ex's I have the honor of being the first one

StepMadre's picture

completely justified and normal, in my opinion! I would feel exactly the same way. Your wife isn't holding up her end of the deal and it's absolutely not fair to you to open your home and life to these bratty kids and just end up getting all walked on. If you feel guilty or like a bad person, please remember that you aren't and there are lots of us out there who are saddled with rude, thoughtless, selfish skids and it would be weird and abnormal if you were happy and comfortable with this situation. My extreme hatred of my skids has faded to pity and compassion for them (because I know it's not their fault they are screwed up), but it's been and continues to be a very rough road and sometimes I feel completely evil for wanting to run away screaming when I see or hear my skids. Anyway, just wanted to say that you aren't alone and you are completely justified for having your feelings. Good luck!

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness isn’t being a bully, it’s having a backbone.” ~Robert Kiyosaki

Selkie's picture

really belongs with your girlfriend. It's depressing to see that there are people like this in the world. You have been victimized. You're right, that house really isn't worth your sanity and self-esteem.

I hope you find the help you need and get out. Soon enough, you won't have to deal with your step-son at all. And you won't have to deal with a horrible, abusive ex-girlfriend either.

frustrated454's picture

I think you are a completely normal person who has been taken
atvantage of and disrespected.
i would contact an attorny now. for yourself i would go talk to someone and get counseling so you can start to regain your self-esteem and worth back.
there are some people in life who will manipulate with and have no feeling for other people.
sounds to me like your girlfriend has a personality disorder and her children are learning how to manipulate and use just like her.
i hope you are able to get help and find some happiness for yourself. you have done enough no one deserves to be abused and used like that.

mojo_777's picture

Hello and again i wish to express my thanks for everyone who has had some good advice for me, but in the end i have no one to blame but myself, i should have ended this a looooooonggggg time ago, i was always optimistic that things would change and would improve, I realize that its not possible and it really is a dead end, i should have realized sooner but alas i did not, i just now resent the fact that she will be leaving with half the house not to mention everything i bought for her during her time with me, like a plasma TV, 2 laptops, a high end 24" Apple Imac, blackberry pearl phone. $600.00 versace designer glasses (When i first met her she had glasses that were holding together with scotch tape !!, yes i did shower her with gifts and flowers all the time brought her to the nicest restaurants, but the most frustrating part is that she just keeps saying "what did you ever do for me?? so what you bought me some gifts and cooked & served me food big deal, why couldn't you love my little boy and be nicer? well like i explained to her for that you have to be nice and lovable not a little monster that he is, well that would send her into a fit and she would throw glasses or whatever was close by!Grrrrrrrrrr just to mention since she started work she has not bought me anything !! but she did buy her little monster a x-box 360 all kinds of games, paid her daughter a trip to banff bought her a laptop, and new winter clothing for banff, i wonder what her daughter and little monster ever did for her to deserve all these nice things, me I am just the bad guy who treats her kids like shit?????

Totally Frustrated, but feels good to vent Smile

kat27's picture

oh god. i feel so awful for you! that's so frustrating cuz people like you're wife give women a bad name in general. good luck with everything....definately check into getting a lawyer!