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Is It Normal That I Have Grown to Realy Hate my Girlfreind and Her Kids?

mojo_777's picture

First i would like to state a little bit of my history i was married with my ex for 15 years and we raised 2 wonderful children, we separated after 15 years but remained friends after that then about 5 years later i met another women whom i fell in love with she had at the time a 8 year old problem child with a previous ex and a 19 year old daughter from another ex (I should have seen the problems then but was in love so as they say.....)
after dating for a few months i felt i had really found the person i loved at the time she was out of work no income and 2 kids being what i describe myself as being a giver in a relationship i offered to help pay the rent and buy food and all, being single, with a high paying job,having a large house which i lived alone with my shared 2 children and having many rooms to spare i decided to ask her and her kids to move in. I did lay down some rules and regulations that her son and daughter would have to abide by, especially her undisciplined boy i also stated that since her daughter was an adult and working she should pay rent ($300.00 per month all included)i found this to be fair, i then proceeded to equip their rooms with computers, televisions and even PVRs I also re decorated all the rooms i prepared our new room with a plasma TV, HDTV and a Laptop computer for her, well here is were it all started to break down i found myself dealing with her 8 year old son who did nothing but complain about everything especially food, answer me back very unruly, breaking things in the house, not lifting a finger to help around the house etc etc, her daughter never paid her rent, invited her friends over for parties all the time kept her nice room in a shambles. At the time my girlfriend had a condition which she said prevented her from cleaning the house so I worked cooked and cleaned the house and all the while i never got any appreciation and her son kept getting worse and worse all the time eating everything in the house not leaving anything for the others,breaking everything in the house including my $1,000.00 home theater remote the computer which i had bought him, purposely annoying everyone being relentless in his whining and complaining whats worse the Mother never said or did anything!!!(by this point i was ready to kill him) this is also the point at which i really started despising him and would just ignore him, while i admit i did say cruel words to him i found i just couldn't help myself he just made my blood boil till i exploded i had never been like that with my kids nor with anyone for that fact, at this this stage my kids also started to come to the house less and less often (maybe once or twice a week tops, i should note that before they moved in they were practically always at the house with me) as they couldn't stand the little unruly undisciplined monster and they hated the fact that he was rude and disrespectful towards me, I kept telling my girlfriend that she would have to do something to change the situation with her children especially the demon child, this caused a lot of fighting as she would always defend her kids and just let them do whatever they please, her son was already in a special behavior deficiency program and in a special class almost everyday i had to leave work to go get him at school as he was intolerable there also, and again my girlfriend would defend him, suffice to say I did love her very much i put up with this for 3 years but i had become a different person I used to be happy laughing and generally always in a good mood. I got to the point where i couldn't even stand being near her children...i tried to do everything nice for them but i still felt alone i did everything and no one else in the house ever did anything I finally exploded in a fit of rage and threw them all out, but i felt bad that they had no money and no place to go so i took them back, I expressed and even begged my girlfriend for change yet it only got worse, to make matters worse my girlfriend never said anything nice to me she never said she loved me, never desired me in a sexual way, always said that it was my behavior and complaining that was the problem with her children she often stated that if they were my bio kids i would not react this way but i disagree my kids have always been polite well brought up and did not disturb anyone in the house, but she always managed to convince me otherwise, she also broke up my friendship with my ex-wife and her new husband, when i once asked her daughter to pay the rent as i had some rough financial times she packed her things and went to live for free at a friends house, my girlfriend then blamed me for the situation that her daughter left, I really could go on and on but suffice to say my kids my friends all said that i was being used, and she did not love me she was there because of self interest and the well being of her kids, i have always sort of felt this instinctively but i chose to ignore it she would then forbid these people coming over to the house, now i don't see my kids no more i have no more friends and i did the dumbest move ever in my life as she always said to me that she never felt this was her home and this was as she stated a big problem in our relationship, so I proceeded to make an offer that we become both owners of the house so we refinanced in both our names and she became half owner, by this point things did not get any better they got worse, she suggested that we get rid of my 2 dogs so that way we could have a nice home and yard, again thinking this would make things better i departed with my 2 dogs that i loved very much, as she now is working and owns haft the house every time i complain about her kids behavior in the house she says OK I will remove them from your hair i will leave and sell the house never once has she said that she would discipline her unruly whining lazy kid who is now 13 years old and deal with her daughter still does not pay anything or do anything around the house, I am living in a nightmare I am now faced with selling my longtime home, I believe i have been used as i did everything for her and her ingrate children and when i mention all that i did for her and her children she only replies with "oh yeah what did you do??" this enrages me as I know i did everything for her and her kids all the while she never did anything nice for me she even on 2 occasion totally forgot my birthday....so am i the bad person?? for doing every chore all the errands paying for everything for her and her kids and especially putting up with that little monster she does nothing about and keeps defending?????

Need advice
Thanks

Conflicted's picture

But it certainly sounds like you've been used.... And yes, that was not a good move to add her as co-owner of YOUR home.... Love (or what we think is love) makes us do crazy things doesn't it? I don't know that I really have any advice.... I think you should find out how/if it's possible to keep your house but get rid of the garbage. She sounds like a user and abuser... You are not happy and you need to get away from her.... Even if that means loosing your house.

Orange County Ca's picture

Boy you rescued this girl and she will require rescueing for the rest of your life.

I hope you found a nice home for the dogs.

*********************

There's an exception to everything I say.

melis070179's picture

Well that just sucks! Especially that you made her part owner, thats the worst part. What about buying her out? She may not go for that and you may have to sell it Sad At this point, I say you've sacrificed too much and need to cut your losses before you lose anything else. At least you didn't marry her. She has a job now, so don't feel sorry for her anymore. Just break it off, figure out what to do with the house, and move on. She has definitely used you for her own gain, and it worked! TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK AND MOVE ON!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Sherland John's picture

Dude!!! for the love of god please grow a pair.The only person at fault in this story is YOU!THIS WOMAN IS DOING EXACTLY WHAT SHE SET OUT TO DO FROM THE BEGINING just from reading your story it's obvious that the public persona you give off is of being desperate and an easy mark for a con like her.Either buy her out or sell your share and cut your losses and RUN from that house of evil.Lastil get Dr LAURA SCHLESSINGER'S book "10 stupid things men do to mess up their lives" read it cover to cover.....Twice!

sparky's picture

mojo_777, Yes, its normal that you have grown to hate them and you probably hate your self more. You need to sell the house give her 50% of the money and kick all of them to the curb. Please see an attorney so you will know what your rights are.

alwaysme's picture

Get out and get out now get rid of her and her evil disrespectful kids they should have been grateful for everything you did but have thrown it in your face, pay her out if you can and get on with your life, I know what you are saying when you used to be a happy fun person and now you have changed, i am the same and it is because you are doing and have done everything around the house with absolutely no gratitude and yes that makes you a bitter angry person... you hate yourself because you have let it happen.

Find a way out and be happy