I'm guessing he's eating comfort food following his health crisis. It doesn't make sense, I know. My DS, after having serious heart problems then the install of a heart monitor, is doing the same thing.  He knows it's wrong but can't stop.

I also have a DH who wants an eating buddy.  Like you, I'm careful to eat healthily due to health and weight issues.  He's constantly bringing me food and wanting me to eat more with him.  It's not junk cuz I don't buy it but it's excessive food. I realize he's bored and a little lonely tho he doesn't want to go see others.  The only place he wants to go is fast food or the casino, ie, excessive food or money

 Sigh...

You describe my DH too. I make a salad, he makes grilled cheese.  Baked chicken for me, pasta with jar Alfredo for him. He might have a protein smoothie if I'm having one. You get it. 

Typically we'll eat dinner together, and I usually cook, so I can control that and sneak veggies into the meal. It's like cooking for a toddler, and I'm a bit of a foodie trying new recipes. If he doesn't like a meal, he makes a pbj--it doesn't hurt my feelings--it's a HIM issue.

But most days, he gets fast food, donuts, ice cream if he goes out for any reason. At least he's stopped bringing "surprises" home for me.

And he has serious health issues including diabetes. But bad food habits are deep seated, with a mental health component, I am convinced of that.

I can't control what another adult does. But I do control most of the groceries and at least one meal a day. He doesn't complain, fortunately. It does make my commitment to my own health difficult some days.

And it's frustrating. 

I'm the "worse" eater in my relationship, but only by a little. My SO can't have any extra weight or he becomes diabetic so he actually eats only meat and vegetables and a little fruit. It drives me crazy when he fusses at me for eating carbs but it would really drive me crazy to live with someone who only ate fried foods. Maybe try making your good food with a nice presentation and go on about how good it is while he eats his brown greasy stuff? 

Cuts down on the unhealthy junk food latter in the night.  If he didn't eat healthy he would be eating more unhealthy food so you are helping him.  If he's on a suicidal by food mission. Only he knows 

I think you need to gently tell him that although you respect that he takes comfort from food, his food choices aren't yours, so don't bring any home because you won't be eating it.   He may want a partner in crime but the sooner he stops doing this, the better for his health, and yours! 

If he knows you won't eat the "extra" he brings "for you," guess who gets even more goodies?

I think it's strategic, in addition to wanting a junk Food Buddy. A lot of people are actually alcoholics but with food, not alcohol. It's more socially acceptable to be heavy/obese than to reek like booze & slur your words, drive drunk, etc. Both are killers, but one is legal to all ages. 

While you can 100% quit alcohol and abstain, food is a tiger you have to let out of the cage three times a day. So in that regard, people who are using food in an unhealthy way have a super-difficult path to positive change because they continuously have to make food & quantity decisions, every day. 

I get this because my husband is not the healthiest eater either. He is a great cook and does most of the cooking, so I eat small portions. He is a little 'fluffy' and I am very small...he has not made the correlation between our eating habits and our sizes. I take lunch to work and make very healthy choices when not in his presence. He has treats at work and when not in my presence. I wish he would do better, just because I love him and I want him alive and healthy, but I know that it is not up to my wishes. I do try to cook healthy choices and make healthy side dishes to go with our meals. That is about all I can do.

I have made no secret that I am a long term T-1 diabetic.  Next month will be the 44th anniversary of my Dx.

"Just can't stop" is a real thing.  Particularly when it comes to Carbs.  Carbs have very similar impact to endorphins as many opiates have and for specific genotypes they are absolutely addictive. I am one of those. So is my mom, and so is my DW for that matter.  My entire IL clan is. Most notably my BIL1's bovin bride. She went low carb and lost over a 100lbs.  She still had another 100 to go.  Her whole family refused to do it with her so... she gave up. It is so sad. She knows full well what it takes to be successful but just shrugs it off.   They are a pasta, sweets, cook it quick family. That nearly killed out eldest niece who was always very trim but sickly. She was Dx'd with Crones disease in her late teens. Her family diet is deadly to her, but.... she will not avoid those foods and eats herself into the hospital fairly regularly.  Of course the whiny crap from BIL1s family is that meat and fresh foods are so expensive!!!.  I finally had to give them a breakdown on how much an extended degradation metabolic illness followed by a funeral costs.  They did not appreciate that at all.  My FIL was the optimal case study for that sad progression.  They doubled down on the unhealthy model with their usual superiority prideful strong independent agriculture family mantra.  Interestingly, their two youngest DDs (adopted) have far more willpower and far less of a genetic predisposition to the dietarily caused metabolic conditions.  They can minimize their portion sizes and go for the meat far more than the blood glucose bomb foods and piles of pasta, etc.. that the rest of the family eats.

Fortunately I am the only one with this disease. My "deal" with the supreme being is that I have the family health ailments and diseases while everyone else is healthy.  So far, that  "deal" has held with the exception of standard aging related things for mom and dad and my SIL's Brca gene breast cancer challenges. 

My DW and I struggled for a very long time on the "keep the crap out of the house" topic. She was convinced that she needed carb focused foods or she felt like crap. Those foods basically kill me... one bite at a time.  I tried forever to get her to not buy and keep those things in the house as it was next to impossible for me to not eat them. "Just don't eat it" is not really an option for those with the "thrifty genotype".  I am one of those.  So I am not only a T-1 diabetic I am a "double diabetic" if I do not diligently go Nazi on no/low carb as my way of eating.  Do some reading on the Thrifty Gene Hypothesis for some interesting information on population and sub-population genetic tendencies towards metabolic diseases.  Basically, humans evolved for a hunter gatherer environment where the base nutritional intake was on the hunter (meat) side and seasonally on the gatherer side when complex CHO wild grains and fruits were available rather than the mass produced far less complex carbs grains, corn, potatoes, rice, etc... that we have today.  Basically a fat to thin annual cycle.  There is a very interesting photo study in the early years of photography where a photographer lived with the Pima Indians in the Salf River valley (Phoenix AZ) that shows a people basically lean and sinewy for 9mos of each year then fluffier in the spring/summer.  They would carb load putting on body fat during the grain/fruit seasons which would help them through the lean late fall, winter, early spring starvation cycle where they ate mainly wild game.  Now, 100% of the adult population of Pima Indians is diabetic.  When they were shifted to the BIA corn fed diet they all grew fat and diabetic.  Not their fault, they evolved that way.  Another interesting study was an early nutritionist who lived with the Inuit above the Artic circle eating nothing but protein   and fat (whale, walrus, seal, and bear blubber) with the very limited exception of Kelp and tundra berries seasonally.  Almost zero instances of inflammation as CHO generally causes high levels of inflammation. So, almost no instances of inflammation related medical conditions, no heart disease, no diabetes, etc....  Until... the BIA started the corn and wheat diet shift in the traditional indigenous  lifestyles.  

For us, health was challenging until my DW chose to join me in a low carb way of eating lifestyle.  Having it in the house was hell for me.  On medical advice I went on the Ideal Protein program. My MD, whose DH is a T-1, had gone on it with her DH and lost a ton of weight very quickly. My DW accompanied me to my first comprehensive physical in a very long time. She and my MD spoke in detail about dietary health, etc... and how a household/family with a T-1 in it required that everyone in the home and family/live a lifestyle healthy for the T-1 or outcomes are exceptionally negative for the T-1 and interestingly even negative  for those who do not have a genetic predisposition to metabolic disease.   My DW asked my Doc if it would be better for her to join me in a no/low CHO lifestyle. The Doc made it clear that "yes" was the answer. Then she told us that as soon as we left her office to go down the hall, take the 3rd door on the Rt into the IP office and get on the program. That was seven years ago, nearly 200 Lbs ago (between the two of us) and a an incredibly, energetic healthy bonding experience for us.  In a very short time she went from low energy yet not feeling well eating her high carb breakfasts to bouncing off of the walls with energy feeling great, and amazed that I was right all along.  We instantly got rid of anything and everything high carb in our home. No cereals, no chips, no, nothin.......  No wheat flour, pasta, potatoes, rice, corn, or sugars in any form.  Though a 5Lb bag of sugar does show up once every couple of years for the humming bird feeders. We of course do not torture the little feathered rodents with artificial zero nutrition sweeteners.  Humming birds would not make good diabetics. That is my DW's sole deviation from the no carbs in the house period, dot mantra. But, we do not use it for us at all.

Anyway, not an easy thing to navigate in families. Particularly when one of them has the "sweet kid/adult" disease to deal with.

Recommended reading.

Dr. Bernsteins Diabetes Solution (My go to reference for managing the disease and holding my med team accountable for meeting my requirements)

The Paleo Diet Revised: Lose Weight and Get Healthy by Eating the Foods You Were Designed to Eat

The Paleo Cardiologist

Modern low CHO food options allow for incredibly tasty healthy eating.  Liviva noodles are one of out go toos.  Cauli-Rice whether we make our own with fresh cauliflower or if we buy frozen is incredible. It subs for rice, can be made into "mashed potato" substitutes, etc....

Another recommended great resource we use several versions of regularly is:

Janeva's Kitchen (janevaskitchen.com)

Janeva is a chef who did the IP program and innovated recipes using the IP packet foods to make amazing dishes.  Particularly for the IP phase one period.  She has created non IP cookbooks and recipes that we use regularly when preparing our main daily meal.  I live her to death.  She has made the life of a T-1 foodie far better and enjoyable than it would otherwise be.

My son is gluten intolerant.  He gets depressed going to dinner. One of his visits we took him to a Bobby Flay restaurant (Amalfi). He was all depressed about there being nothing he could eat since it is Italian and likely pasta heavy.  We had checked, they have a significant number of gluten free options. He was in heaven.

I am totally convinced that any dietary issues and preferences can be overcome and serviced with incredible alternatives that arrive every day, and my entire extended family proves on both sides by eating the stuff we make and leaving the stuff they make.   We do a modified IP as the program is a 4 phase program that you eventually get off of.  We will never get off of it.  My labs are so stable and in the non diabetic range and my docs keep trying to fire me or at least cut me to twice a year appointments from quarterly because of my success at managing my disease. 

I know that this sounds insensitive, but... If I can do it. Anyone can. As the Nike commercial says. Just do it!  I will add, don't whine if you choose not to  do it and bad things  happen.  Sadly it is those who love those who choose not to do it who suffer the most.

Similar to the philosophy of my former single teen mom bride who moved hell and earth to not be a statistic and to make a good life for herself and her baby.  If she can do it, anyone can.   A bad choice, or even several, does not mean that one has to fail themselves and others for the rest of their lives.

Take care of you everyone. And keep the fire lit under those we love who won't take care of themselves.   Their choices are not our responsibility but damned sure we can facilitate  their suffering when they choose to be stupid.  Whether choose to learn or not, is on them.

IMHO of course.

Chef brings home lots of booze, desserts and steak, oil and garlic pasta and cooks for a friggin ARMY  even though there are just the two of us.   I did take over the kitchen between rental rehabs, which was great but he's back in the kitchen again with the boatloads of food and horrendous kitchen messes!

I think they also have toddler mindset.   In addition the hurt from PASed out skids causes them to self soothe AND they want you to be out of shape so you "won't go anywhere."   Chef was resentful a few years back when I lost 35 lbs which was an absolute climb up the Matterhorn for me.  He said absolutely nothing and tried to sabotage me at every turn.

Sometimes, our partners sabotage us.. maybe because they want to excuse their own poor habits.. so he brings things you find hard to resist.

So.. in your case.. it's not just his poor eating but he does things that cause you to deviate from your diet.  I might have a direct conversation.. asking that he specifically NOT bring home things for you.. and when he does.. I would bin it immediately.

My DH eats like a 12-year-old boy and doesn’t do any type of physical activity other than move from the couch to the chair and back.  He’s on several medications for high BP, pre-diabetes, asthma and allergies.  I don’t really cook anymore since we are all on different schedules, but when I do I make food it's what I enjoy eating and figure he can either eat some, starve or go make one of his high sodium microwave meals.  I learned a while ago it’s not my job to manage my DH’s health, he is a grown man, and his learned helplessness routine is tired and worn out.

Oh yes! I posted a lengthy vent about it not that long ago. In May, DH was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic. He has cholesterol on the high end and had to have two colonoscopys. One was the take out a massive polyp. DH was scheduled to go for blood tests after four months to get checked on his progress, but he canceled his appointment to give him more time. I tried to help him but he eats like an asshole. We're talking about a man who won't eat brown eggs. I'm not kidding. He won't eat the same meal two days in a row, so forget leftovers even if he really likes something. He has this thing about food prep so forget that. He eats out everyday. He brought home instant rice cups that take one minute in the microwave and he found that too much food prep. He's back to hot dogs every day, processed food, instant meals in a cup and thinks that t throwing some processed chicken strips on top is helping him get his protein. It's so frustrating. I've been preparing for a long time of being a young widow. Even the kids make comments. DH works out constantly, so he thinks it undoes everything. It's hell when a family event is planned and it's at a restaurant because DH has to examine the menu days in advance so as not to be faced with "anything weird." If there isn't basic crap that a picky brat won't eat, DH makes an excuse to not attend. 

It's funny because for years I thought that DH was feeding the SKs the Disneyland Dad Hedonistic Don't Leave Me Diet to my SKs. When DD24 was growing up, DH and I did not agree at all on feeding her. I ultimately told him to not ever feed her. He'd have crap waiting for her every single day after school. It drove me nuts. Now that all of the kids are grown, I realized that for DH it's not a Disneyland Dad issue at all. It's a him issue. I've tried to help him but I gave up. If he wants to be a 67 year old walking around with unmanged type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol, there's nothing I can do. 

DH and I eat pretty darn healthy overall and always have. However, DH used to have a really bad habit of snacking and especially late night snacking: chocolate, ice cream, chips were standard. He drank a lot of beer too, not every day but enough. He was boarderline diabetic, but knew how to keep just under that line; he also always exercised a lot. Then he had his crisis this summer. Has been seeing a therapist regularly since. His eating habits have improved greatly. We no longer have chocolate in large quantities in the cupboard, or half-gallons of ice cream, bags and bags of chips. Luckily I am not a snacker and these things don't tempt me (I used to have to hide chocolate from him on the odd times I would get some for myself, or he would 100% eat it). He'd get up in the middle of the night and eat too.

I couldn't really talk with him about it b/c he'd get defensive. All part of his issues that he wasn't dealing with, absolutely. I have had a chocolate bar in the cupboard for over a month now (I've not wanted to eat it yet) and he's not touched it. It's all about if he wants to improve. You can talk with him, but just be sure not to judge. If he gets you the "treats" then just don't eat or drink them. Repeat firmly that you do not want them. Hopefully he sees a doctor every year?  This might help, but no guarantee...