I'm not sure I agree with the game playing tactic, however, this year my husband and I agreed that WE would be more in control of what happens with our schedule and life. Last year all we did was accommadate BM and skids. Not this year! Because of BM and skids manipulations we have not seen them in a month.

BM took me off the pick and drop off list at the school and after care - insisting that my husband should be doing that after a year of me doing the pick up and drop off. So, he simply said, fine then keep the kids because that doesn't work with my work schedule or life.

Now she is saying that nothing has changed and zen can pick up and drop off kids as normal. My husband's reply, you need to bring them to the house if that is the case, otherwise we will not be picking up or dropping off.

See BM has had all the control in terms of who is on or off the list, etc. when we are to pick up and drop off. Each pick up and drop off is usually changed the day of, so we are constantly at her disposal - which is a big pain because we can't do a thing the day of the pick up or drop off until we know what SHE wants.

We changed the manner in which we deal with her, meaning you took ZEN off the list knowning this would case issue with husband schedule and cause chaos - so now you can live with that decision and drop them off or keep them. Doesn't matter to us, but we are controling when and where.

Other decisions we have made this year has also lessened our stress relating to BM and skids.

Hope it helps.

We are the CP household. Over nearly 17yrs of blended family adventure we have developed tactics for controlling BioDad and the SpermClan. They are very predictable so our tactics have evolved to pretty much keep them bludgeoned in to submission.

For many years my wife would go through a 12-18mo cycle with the SpermClan. The cycle would start with SpermGrandma being complimentary and pleasant with my wife. After 3-6mos of nice SpermGrandMa she would ask for something such as additional visitation time, or for something that was given to my wife or SS (car seats, clothing, etc.....) or for my wife to waive CS. Depending on what SpermGrandMa requests my wife would bust her hump to work with SpermGrandMa and would usually give some portion of what SpermGrandMa asks for. Usually this was a few extra days of visitation. We never waived or requested to have CS lowered. My son has the same rights to SpermClan resources as the three younger also out-of-wedlock half sibs by two other mothers.

Once my wife caved to SGM's full court press SGM would then start asking for more, and more and more. Ultimately my wife would tell her no. Then SGM gets nasty, volatile and verbally abusive so my wife cuts her off completely and tells SGM that my wife would only speak to the SpermIdiot.

At this point the SpermIdiot would call to beg my wife to work with SGM, my wife would refuse, SpermIdiot would get his mother back under controll and the whole cycle would start over.

Eventually my wife learned that the only answer to a SpermClan request that did not cause drama for us was "NO!" followed by a clear message that the CO would not be deviated from and any attempt to deviate by the SpermClan would be met with court action and a request for review and increase of CS.

My wife used to put hours in to finding the cheapest round trip air fares for SS to visit his SpermClan in order to save them money. Finally after years of SpermGrandMa crap I told my wife that she should not spend a second of her time to save them money and that if SGM and the SI did anything but say "yes Ma'am" when my wife told them to do something that they could buy their own one way ticket to get the kid to them and we would do the same to get the get home after visitation. A few $hundred was cheap entertainment to cause the SpermClan to wiggle on the hook.

IMHO the best way to predict and control the behavior of the blended family opposition is to know the CO in side and out, know any supplemental rules or regulation that apply to the jurisdiction where your CO is active and use them to beat the snot out of the opposition any time they even think about deviating from the CO and any chance they give you.

I think it will work for either the CP or the NCP. If the opposition will not work reasonably with you then lock them down with the CO. In our case the SpermClan either can't read or is too stupid to look at BioDad's copy of the CO. By not knowing the CO the SpermClan cedes total control of the situation to us.

My wife and I both have a copy of the CO and the supplemental rules in our desks at our respective offices and in our home office. When SGM calls my wife she conferences me in and I IM her sections of the CO and Supplemental rules to beat the snot out of SGM with. SGM eventually will rant “don’t bring up the CO. My friend the Judge/Lawyer/Cop/CPS officers says …….”. My wife tells SGM that if she does not like the CO “we will see you in court”. SGM screams “you would like that wouldn’t you?” and slams down the phone.

End of the latest SGM smack down round.

We have become quite an effective tag team.

It works well for us.

@What worked and works for us is that each and every time that bm wants info about our family she is told it is none for her business as well as my kids. We have pretty much kept to the court order. That is the best thing anyone can do. Keep it to the court order! Not to mention that dh is very good at playing the guilt trip on bm as she is very bad about the guilt trip and he has learned that it works on her. Such as he turns the tables on her if she is crying boo hoo about no money and that we shouldn't have bought something b/c she can't afford it, he bring in the fact that she goes to every Rascal Flats concert out of state and she takes the boys most of the time. And that she should get a job so that she can have some money like purple does. That is just one example. As I said dh is very good about putting the guilt trip on her when she tries to do it to dh.

Things that have worked for me:

1) Like the first post says I have also 'planned' things with my DH on days that I suspect BM will ask us to swap things round and have SD6.
2) BM's tend to be predictable- make sure you and DH are not the same! Recently BM tried to stop DH seeing SD6 just because he refused to keep being mucked around with times and places he picked her up from! I knew if my DH held out long enough BM would realise she's not getting anywhere and then give in. Surprise suprise she did!!! In other words never let BM know she's getting to you
3) The worst thing for most twisted BM's to see is that you and your DH are happy!
4) BM's tend to have a habit of guilt tripping DH into thinking he's a bad dad. Think about what you think BM will say and tell your husband in advance what strings she's likely to pull...that way you and DH are both prepared