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BF vs. Roomate....is there really a difference btwn the two???

namaste123's picture

Submitted by namaste123 on Mon, 03/15/2010 - 5:53pm

I mean really...if BF did not live with me he would have to live with a roomate (he can barely pay 1/2 the bills now). BF has skids every weekend. Sure, that's going to be hard on a roomate, even another guy that has kids because most likely that person would have his child EOW. I mean that would really impede that roomate's lifestyle right?

The reason I am posing this query is because I feel that I should be allowed to have "rights" of a roomate, in some sense.

Being unmarried to this man am I expected to just accept this because I love BF? Personally, Idon't think so. Anyone with me? Any suggestions?

Comments

StepChicka's picture

Submitted by StepChicka on Mon, 03/15/2010 - 6:33pm

Your living situation is giving you an idea of what it will be like married to this man except it will be worse because expectations go up.

From what it sounds like you feel you're being taken for granted like the cooking, cleaning, watching kids while BF does errands. Those are things you can change perhaps. But as far as BF getting his kids as much (or as little) is a little trickier. You'll be made to look like a self-serving person if you pitch a fit about the kids being with their dad more. It's going to make you look jealous. Perhaps you are but I think its that you didn't sign up for this. You signed up for EOW. You were willing to have relationship with this man on those terms.

One must remember that custody-time does fluxuate. It's not as fixed as you think. Not in today's world anyway. Courts advocate both parents being involved with the kids, both parents supporting each other regarding kids whether it be money (grrrr), time, or disciplinarian issues that require backing each other up.

There's a lot more to dealing with stepkids then what meets the eye. You also have to deal with life-altering decisions not being made by you. It's not an easy life being a stepparent. Not everyone is cut out for it. And you're not a bad person for not being able to.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 9:29am

RUN, RUN, RUN...and/or as far as groceries, buy groceries once a week the day that the kids LEAVE your place...if at the end of the week more food is needed cause they are staying extra, let your BF food the bill...in addition, find yourself something to do on those extra days...I can see his point of view, but again, nothing amazes me more than divorced parents who did NOT sacrifice THEIR lives to make sure the kids didn't grow up in a divorced family, but expect their new bf/gf to sacrifice THEIR lives for their kids...go figure...