Another blog got me thinking
For the first time since July 2015, SS 6.5 joined his sister, DH, DD and me for the morning on Saturday. He is Infuriating BM's minion and had been refusing all contact with DH until January, when therapy finally started. Since that time, DH has been taking him and sometimes SD 11 for daytime visits without me or DD 10.
So SS gets in the car and says "Hi Dad," and doesn't acknowledge anyone else for the entire 5 hours he's with us, during which time we were running errands. He barely talked to DH and he talked to himself a good deal, but that was about it. Frankly, it wasn't all that different from before, though DH is planning to speak with him in therapy this week about ignoring everyone.
So SD admitted (again) that BM talks trash about DH, me, and DD on the regular, but that she doesn't say anything about it. No correction, no disagreement, no nothing. I told her and DH that it's no wonder SS thinks we're horrible! That's all he ever hears--and SD doesn't correct it, so it's like she agrees!
DH thinks it's too much to ask of her to say that the lies aren't true, since BM is a horrible beast. I don't disagree that she's horrible, but I think that SD should be saying something instead of giving the impression that she agrees. I think it perpetuates the notion that BM is protecting her kids from me and DH when SD doesn't disagree, and that keeps the conflict level high at all times.
Also, we've had other problems with SD (and SS) telling stories to BM to make her happy, so I see this as part and parcel of the same issue, but DH disagrees.
What do you all think?
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Agreed, and I called DH out
Agreed, and I called DH out on that. He said he wanted to address it in therapy this week instead of in the moment. I disagree, but at least he had a plan.
While we were running errands, SS sat on a box of glasses at a store. I saw him do it, DH saw him do it, but when DH asked if he had done it (because he moved quickly when corrected), SS lied and said he had not. DH "disciplined" him, but much differently than he would have if it was SD or DD, and I called him out on that later, too. I don't think that's right, but I also get that he's trying to be the nice dad, on advice of the idiot therapist.
I actually disagree with
I actually disagree with those who think a 10/11 yo shouldn't stand up to their parents, or shouldn't be expected to at least. If not then, when? To me it isn't about telling BM she is wrong. It is about learning to stand up for yourself and your beliefs in any situation. At this age, we told my skid they didn't have to argue with BM, but if they were bothered by what she was saying and disagreed with her, it was okay to respectfully express their feelings about it.
It's possible that BM will
It's possible that BM will rain a fury of hell down on SD if she dares contradict her.