Court is this afternoon...
And I finally lost it with DH.
6 months we've been in the throes of this BS. 6 months I've asked him what he wants and we will work to make it happen. 6 months of constant conflict. 6 month of hemorrhaging money and time devoted to this BS. 6 months of his kids being torn up by BM's constant negativity about DH. 6 months (and at least 30 lbs) of me feeling constantly stressed. 6 months of my poor Bio daughter bearing witness to her mother and stepfather miserable with stress. 6 months of contorting ourselves to keep BM and her minions (skids) happy. 6 months of BS from the quack therapist that they're using (including the day when she questioned my parenting of DD, who isn't her client). 6 months of nastiness in the guise of legal documentation.
I freaking lost it with him last night and again this morning. DD and I are the only ones whose interests aren't being represented at all. We have to depend on DH to do it, and "he's not strong enough" to keep up the boundaries with BM, he says. I told him that he could let the people around him who are strong help him to be strong. To help him not roll over again and again and again. But now he's on the pity train because BM is mean and only cares about herself. He's on the pity train because he screwed everything up by not dealing with it. He's on the pity train because I think he's weak.
And now, this afternoon, I have to sit outside the court room (because I've been subpoenaed, I can't go in!) and wait for my "family's" fate to be determined, knowing the whole time that BM will drag us back to court as soon as she can manipulate the skids into whatever she has up her sleeve next. I figure it'll be CPS charges, which is my hard limit, but who knows!
Frankly, I don't give two poops about the skids. I think that they're doomed no matter what, but I want DH to have the strength and wherewithal to stand up for his damned self and demand something other than victim-hood.
I'm not even functioning at this point. I'm at work, but I can't stop the tears. I don't know how people can do this to each other or to their children.
- nengooseus's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
((hugs)) you're going to be
((hugs)) you're going to be alright ((hugs))
It may be time to accept your husband isn't the deal with conflict type of person and let it go. Breathe and stop getting involved. It's okay for you to let your husband own his inability to fight his ex.
"We have to depend on DH to
"We have to depend on DH to do it, and "he's not strong enough" to keep up the boundaries with BM, he says."
So, of course, now the question is, are YOU strong enough to keep up YOUR boundaries and maybe think about some harsh and difficult decisions??
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It sucks
so sorry, it is
so sorry, it is heartbreaking, who knew having kids something that should be so joyful could be so miserable, I am strongly advising my kids not to have kids until late in their life and only after many years of marriage and being as certain as one can that the marriage will survive.
It is horrible to just wish years of your life and your kids lives to hurry up and get over with and for your spouse to feel the same just so the drama can stop.
I'm so sorry. It'll be okay.
I'm so sorry. It'll be okay. Courts today & hopefully some of the pressure of the unknown will at least let up. It's very stressful & you basically get zero input. I'm sorry your DH won't assist in that. Perhaps he needs a personal counselor so he can grow a set?
There are some situations in
There are some situations in which coparenting together is not an option, this is one of them.
Studies have shown that extreme conflict and tension in intact families will screw up a kid more then a divorce. Your situation is one in which not only is there a divorce, but more conflict then before. Those kids are going to be beyond f'd up if separation and bounderies are not put up. And honestly if things don't improve, it may be better for the kids to be with mom full time and dad out of the picture.
Yours isn't even a step issue, it is an issue of an extremely bitter bm who is going to be crazy whether there is a stepmom in the picture or not. There needs to be no communication between the parents as I said.
I completely agree with you.
I completely agree with you. Her purpose in life is to make DH miserable, by whatever means necessary, and it has really nothing to do with me.
Just got home. Settlement
Just got home. Settlement conferences, but no trial.
We didn't win, but we didn't lose. DH still has the same timeshare (4 days out of 14), we got a holiday schedule/rotation, the criminal contempt charge DH was facing is resolved, and Our family Wizard is ordered. The tax exemption is clearer, as is the medical reimbursement clause. DH ended up with a few more custodial days.
CS was supposed to be recalculated, but once they realized it would be less than current, they withdrew the motion. LOL I asked, in front of her lawyer, if we could file our own motion on CS. Lawyer said yep, so that was filed before we left today.
So 6 months of mudslinging and constant ugliness and some clean-up happened, but no real change. DH and I had LOTS of time to talk today about where we went off the rails and how we can do better going forward/lessons learned in our relationship. Turns out, I'm the harda$$ and he needs to talk me down when it comes to BM and his kids. Hopefully that will work.
Meanwhile, I'm ready to become the queen of documentation. Woo hoo.
Screenshots and documentation
Screenshots and documentation will help with the drama. I think you should encourage your DH to parallel parent with bm instead of co-parent. This is what DH does and it keeps our house calm and intact majority of the time. Bm hates it but that's because she can't stand something not revolving around her and that goes double for my household.