Tough Times
I am new to this step mom thing. I am dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and his 4 yr old son moved in full time with us in Aug becuase we thought it would be better for him. When he first moved in he was physically mean to, hitting me with toys and so on. I never really got upset at first and it never caused hard feelings towards my boyfriend and I till recently. In the last month or two his son has now turn in being verbally and emotionally mean to me. Whenever I try and put him to bed or give him oa bath or take him to daycare he cries and tells me I'm mean. But whenever dad does it he doesnt cry at all. For the last month or so he has started telling everyone he "doesnt like me at all" and that I'm mean to him. in the last few weeks I have let all of this get to me and have become very depressed that I cannot get any affection or respect from this child. His dad is at a losss about it all as well and therefore takes it out on me to some extent. We arent getting along and the attitude in the house now is negative. I do not enjoy going home anymore and seeing this kid as he is causing me to depressed. I was fully aware at first this all would take time but I think i have lost all my patience and hope with this child. I need advice on what to do. My boyfriend is not understanding at all where I'm coming from and why I have become negative or "grumpy" in his words. We are currently taking a break due to this all and my feelings. I never knew this all would be so hard, i work with kids for a living and am empalled how hard this is to do and how a child can disrepect me so much.
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Comments
You guys are married..... As
You guys are married..... As a newly step mom and newlywed... RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.... If the kid is starting out like this why stick around I promise you it will NOT get better... My sister has been dealing with her SS18 since he was 8 and he STILL disrespects her and her husband does NOTHING..... They almost got divorced b/c of it.... Yea where is BM???
From experience the
From experience the disrespect doesn't get any better as they get older!Be glad you are taking a break and really use this time to figure out if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life! Most of us on here are married and in a way are stuck..you have the chance to not get stuck. Think long and hard! Best of luck to you!
Im a BM and a SM. When my
Im a BM and a SM. When my BS5 and I moved in with FDH, it was very hard on him, especially since his dad (my ex) was living 3 states away. Even though he liked FDH, he treated him like crap quite often for the first 6 months or so. Give the kid a break. He's 4 and has to adjust to a new living situation, when he used to live with his mother (Im assuming). Kids that age get angry, confused, depressed, etc. and cannot verbalize what they are going through. Don't take it so personally at this point. Just give him some room and and some time, and if he sees that you are genuine, then he will probably come around and allow you in. At the same time, do not allow the kid to blatantly disrespect you. Your boyfriend needs to demand that his son respect you, always. Even though my son was cold to FDH at first, I never "tolerated" him saying nasty things or not listening to FDH. Your boyfriend needs to set the tone and example for his son.
When my exh started dating
When my exh started dating someone new, dd2 at the time would scream and cry at return. Finally put two and two together she thought is be mad that she liked gf.
I sat her down and told her I wanted her to like anyone that dad liked.
Dh should sit him down, tell the kid its ok to like you and love bm. That you are nice to dad, and dad loves you.
Have dh explain its ok to like the SM.
It would come better from bm, but I don't know if that is an issue.
Let your boyfriend do the
Let your boyfriend do the parenting. The putting to bed, baths, daycare should all be done by your boyfriend.
You shouldn't expect affection from this child, but all children should be taught by their parents to respect others, especially adults. Because you are an adult, not just because you are dad's girlfriend. Your boyfriend needs to instill this in his child.
This is a big adjustment for a child. He probably needs time to adjust to his dad being his primary caregiver instead of BM. Just as a couple needs to have a solid relationship to effectively parent children, I believe in these situations, the better and healthier the relationship between the parent and child, the easier it is for the child to accept the parent's partner.
When my SD was young, she respected her father. She was also taught to respect adults. Therefore, she respected me. I was lucky on that front!
I know he is only 4, but has your boyfriend tried talking to him and asking him why he doesn't like you and why he thinks you are mean? It may take some deciphering as I doubt he really knows himself exactly why he feels this way. I doubt it's really you as much as it is the situation he has been thrown into.
You said you are taking a break. Does that mean you moved out or just disengaged from them both?
Where is BM? You've been
Where is BM?
You've been dating for a year and are already living together? And now you've moved in his 4yo kid too? This is a lot of change for a 4yo (or any kid really).
Probably best to really consider what you want out of this relationship and what your long term goals are. It's not likely the behavior will drastically change any time soon, if ever.
If it's more than just testing boundaries, you may want to suggest therapy for the kid.