Anyone else get the anger taken out on them when BM pisses off DH/SO?
So yesterday, SO calls me very upset and tells me that BM is stupid. ...OK, we both already knew that, I don't see that being news. He proceeds to start into a rant about what she did, but someone walks into my office. So I tell him to hold on, which he doesn't. I say it again, still going. Finally I yelled, "Hey!" Then asked him to wait a minute. He hung up on me.
So I call him back, goes to VM. I tell him what happened and that I had asked him twice to hold on before I yelled. I was trying to give him the courtesy and respect of listening to him, but I needed to get rid of the person in my office. Called back twice more, leaving another VM.
During the next several hours with no word from him, I get pissed off because I realized...I didn't do anything wrong. He's pissed off at me because he was primed and raring to go. Did I really want to hear what stunt BM pulled, not really. I was trying to be supportive. What do I get for this? Crap dumped on me.
He called later that evening and left a VM later telling me how much he appreciated me calling back and letting him know what really happened. Gee...so glad I could make YOU feel better.
When I told him he was jerk for taking his anger with her out on me, he tried to gaslight me. Telling me I was making it all about me after he had such a crappy day.
Hmmm, well apparently I've decided that if you're having a bad day means you get to treat me like crap, even though I went out of my way to correct YOUR misunderstanding, I really don't need the added stress of you taking out BM's shit out on me.
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Just tell him that going
Just tell him that going forward you're willing to be supportive and lend a listening ear, but that it has to happen outside of work hours. You have a job to do and it creates too many distractions.
DH calls/texts me a lot to vent or run ideas past me .. but he understands I'm at work so if I don't answer/respond, it's because I'm busy.
Yep. FDH does it to me.
Yep. FDH does it to me. Sometimes, GUBM doesn't even need to have done something recently. He's got a lot of pent up anger and frustration over the hellacious 16 years he spent with her. That's part of the reason why he's in counseling.
Delicious! I particularly
Delicious! I particularly relish the fact that I am not allowed to knock the BM or any of the BM clan but he can knock them when he feels the need to do so. Something about if YOU as SM knock the BM it is a knock against biodad as he was the one who "chose" her.
I used to do the silent
I used to do the silent thing, until someone pointed out it was childish. They also gave me the great idea of sending a text to acknowledge that they wanted to talk and let them know that I was not ready to talk to them.
Ta da! Look at me, I'm an adult and acting like one. My whole point in not responding was I wasn't ready to talk to them, not that I was trying to punish them by not talking to them. I'd like to know, how guys, who have married before, haven't figured out that this is the adult way to respond? Seriously, for guys, I think it's their way of trying to punish us.