Guilt with Favoritism
I know I shouldn't feel guilt due to my favoritism of my sd7 vs. my bd2. It's perfectly natural, normal and validated (especially here in a forum full of men and women who understand).
But somehow I still feel guilty. At the same time, this child SD7 treats me like a second-rate citizen and I KNOW that i'm the adult in the situation, but it makes it even harder to love her. There's no possible way I can love this child more than my own.
And there's no possible way I can get DH to fully understand, since they're both his. Ugh!!
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I care about my skids, some
I care about my skids, some days I might even say that I love them. But I know that I love my unborn baby way more! I love this baby unconditionally, something I don't feel for the skids. Before I got pregnant, DH and I used to argue about this all the time because he wants me to love his kids the same way I would love my bio. I tried to explain to him that it's not natural, not that I don't want to but it's a hard thing to do, especially since BM is still in the picture, she adds a lot of stress to my life, and the kids behavior sometimes makes it harder to love them unconditionally. Well over the years, I've decided that it's no use to get DH to understand that I won't/am unable to love his kids the same way/to the same degree as I love mine. I know in my heart that I don't love them the way I love my own but I just won't tell DH or behave in a way that the skids are aware of my true feelings. They are children, it's not their faults but it is what it is.
yes and that's the thing,
yes and that's the thing, too. BM is still in the picture, not only does she add stress, but she is a weekly reminder of the fact that she gave my husband something I wanted to give him first. I do hide my true feelings from DH and the skid as well because. . .well he could never understand. In fact sometimes I feel that my BD is MY kid and my skid is HIS kid. lol He didn't really want more children and was going to have a vasectomy before we got married.
yes and that's the thing,
yes and that's the thing, too. BM is still in the picture, not only does she add stress, but she is a weekly reminder of the fact that she gave my husband something I wanted to give him first. I do hide my true feelings from DH and the skid as well because. . .well he could never understand. In fact sometimes I feel that my BD is MY kid and my skid is HIS kid. lol He didn't really want more children and was going to have a vasectomy before we got married.
It's ridiculous and
It's ridiculous and unrealistic to expect someone to love someone else's child equally to their own, and then chastise them for that perfectly natural feeling. The love you have for someone you made and grew inside you is incomparable to any love that you could have for another child, especially one whom you didn't choose and are not related to. Don't beat yourself up x