Zero step drama, per your request
Me and dh dated in high school. We Broke up because well he was way to into partying, drugs and loose girls. I was not so loose, so we broke up.
About 10 or 15 years later, we see each other on Facebook, through mutual friends. We see we both have kids similar ages, so we set up a play date (not even as a date for us, just as friends so our kids can be friends)
While at the park SD sends very sensitive. She cried a lot, but I felt sorry for her (I imagine bm babies her a lot, as dh tells her to toughen up and dusts her bum off).
Dh talks about how he has bm under his thumb, if he wants extra time with SD, he gets it. I admire that he loves having extra time with his daughter, and that he isn't pushed around by his bm.
SD plays nice, a little showy, but not mean. Dh and I start seeing each other more and more during play date with our daughters, and SD is growing fond of me. We see the movie tangled and she asks me to do her hair. I do, and I begin falling in love with the BOTH of them
We start having the girls spend the night at my place, and they have camp is in the living room, and dh stays the night once or twice.
Dh talks about how he wishes it could be like this all the time.
Fast forward, we move in together and things are a little tough. I blow it off to having to adjust. The girls make up games and play together. Play dress up, play pretend, play dolls. But SD gets frustrated when they don't follow her rules, I blew it off to her used to being an only child. BM gets pregnant, moves her boyfriend in, rents a house, moves out and buys another house. Gets married all within a few months. SD acts or even more. There is a lot of changes going on between both houses. So I figure this is all normal.
SD comes out crying that one dd has hurt her, or the other dd said something mean to her. I am so confused because I have not seem them be mean before, I send them to their rooms to cool off. Later on SD Asus the same thing, that the dds have done something to her. After a few days of this I listen in and hear what's going on, and see SD sitting there, everyone is having fun, then her face literally changes (nothing remotely negative has been said to her, nobody touched her) she comes out running her eyes hard and she tells me dd has hurt her. That she through something at her face (not true what so ever). I tell her I knew that didn't happen, that she needs to tell me the truth. I explain that lying like this will make it so that nobodyis going to want to continue playing with her.
This is all the first 2 years of our interactions with SD and dh. So I still have been very patent and understanding. I let her sit in my lap, I don't mind when she squeezes in between me and dh, I figure as long as she needs comforting, that's OK. I'd rather her get used to us being a family/step family.
Fast forward to now, her baby brother is 4, and things have only gotten worse and worse. My being patient makes things worse. My distancing myself, makes things worse.
I have said before that I wanted SD to not end up like her mother.
Is like to explain this:
I realize SD loves her mother, I would never want her not to love her. I would never ask to replace her mother. When I said that perhaps I should have worded it differently. I wanted to show SD how to think about others. To give to the needy, instead of gorging ourselves with materialistic things we don't need. I wanted her to see what joy we can get by giving all our effort to make the less fortunate have things they would not be able to get for themselves.
Comments
I also want to add that my
I also want to add that my daughter that she threatened has severe anxiety and OCD. She has had tics due to some of SD's actions.
Not blaming SD for dd's issues, just saying that her actions have exasperated the issue itself.
And yes dd is in counseling for this. We are looking at putting her in meds for when she gets overwhelmed.
Dh has set up appointments,
Dh has set up appointments, we've been trying to get her in, we've been on waiting lists and then I guess bm gets wind of it and comes up with SD is sick and I Gabe a doctor's appointment, she can't see you.
When she started lying to get dds into trouble, she was getting a lot of attention from me and dh, but lime I said, BM was pregnant and then had the baby, she was likely missing attention at her mother's. But like I said we gave her loss of attention. I didn't mind her squeezing in between me and dh, she would also lean on us all the time. I would put my arm around her to hug, but also correct the leaning (I would end up with an aching ball after her visits). But what I've noticed is that she didn't like dds being there getting ANY attention from either me or dh... anytime dds were taking to me or showing me something SD would butt in and have to show me/dh something as well. If dds held anyone's hand, SD would have to knock them off and hold that persons hands too.
At some point it just became too much. At some point I had to start worrying about MY kids wellbeing and not worry so much about SD getting used to it. Esp when SD exacerbated my daughters anxiety and OCD issues.
He used to spank SD for some
He used to spank SD for some things, he has yelled a lot. but now it's groundings, if he does anything. This was a big difference, he actually made a big deal this time, no yelling, there was a lot of talking, a lot of explaining, of course all of this was after she through away all her make up. I'm hoping that after a while things will go back to being ok. I hope that everyone will feel safe, if not, SD will no longer be welcome.
You mention the daughter that
You mention the daughter that had the “I’m going to kill you” comment directed at her has anxiety and OCD issues. That tells me a lot about why she would read more into the comment than what was intended.
I also have to say though, you and your dh isn’t helping with the way this is being handled. I also saw how you responded to Ripley when she was giving you wonderful advice while being very supportive of you…and so MUCH makes sense to me now.
Are you in counseling? Do you have anxiety issues as well? Basically I see a family that needs a lot of help or there will be some very messed up young adults in about a decade.
Because I asked if she read
Because I asked if she read my post to entirety? She acted as if I hasn't said something that she put in her reply.... if you read what I wrote back in my response you'd see that.
She is probably referring to
She is probably referring to the comment you deleted where you asked if Ripley was so dumb that she needed help raking and if she had a literacy program in her area because she needed it.
Its within Nunyas right to
Its within Nunyas right to change her mind on saying something snarky to another poster and taking it down. Maybe speaking in the heat of the moment and frustration.
BUT it can give a clue about things and why things are the way they are in Nunya's home.
For me, I know I am sometimes overly dramatic when I talk and expressive and talk without thinking sometimes. (not always, but sometimes). And honestly it makes total sense at times when I have had issues with DH and/or skids. Realizing that helped me move forward to make things more peaceful in my life.
Agree....
Agree....