tell me the cold hard truth
I am just going to dive right in to the story. Met a guy, developed feelings. Met his kids, developed feelings for them. BM hates me with a passion. She tells the kids not to listen to me, etc just to make things harder on me when the kids are with us. When dropping off or picking up the kids she screams, yells, offends, throws things, etc and causes scenes every time. Going on for about a year now. As it turns out, my guy has a total of 7 kids with 4 BMs, only 2 kids and 1 BM are in the state. The rest of the kids are in 3 other states. He has a possible 8th kid he has never met that is 14 yrs old and in another state so DNA testing is virtually impossible to do right now, none the less he is being garnished for 14 yrs back pay child support or 50% of his income. I don't have any kids of my own. His kids ages range from 4-13/14. 6 girls, 1 boy and one of the girls has a severe impairment causing her to be wheelchair bound. Dude treats me good when he wants to but can be real mean when he wants to also. I feel so inadequate as a stepparent, GF, housewife, etc. He has 7 kids so he seems to know everything about everything. He makes me feel like I am less of a person because I don't have any kids of my own. I'm getting a little extra financial support to where I can make it in this lovely economy of ours - that is my reward for dealing with all of this. I do care for him, but I don't know if it's enough to deal with that many kids. In all honesty, I likely will never meet the other 5 kids since they are in other states as well as the other 3 BMs. The two kids I have met are SS6 and SD4. I know things are not supposed to be easy or come with a manual, but could I just get some kind of advice, whether it be about the kids, getting out now (lol), or whatever. I could use some type of advice whether it be positive or negative. I'm feeling like a failure when it comes to this domesticated crap.
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Um, are you sure you want to
Um, are you sure you want to hear the cold, hard truth? Because I know you know in your heart of hearts what the truth is.
Sweetie, you need to leave. I don't even need to list off the reasons why. You spelled them out in your own post.
In the meantime, lots of support to be had here...
If this is a troll, shame on
If this is a troll, shame on you. Real step parents have better stuff to do than read junk.
IF this is for real, and I doubt it, get out. He is a loser who needs a vasectomey and to get his life together.
I hate to admit it, I thought
I hate to admit it, I thought the same thing reading it. But hey, there are some 'man-w****s' out there so it is completely possible!
True: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! That is INSANE.
Troll: Rofl. Nice one. Now leave. Utterly rude. Before I can no longer control the hulk that is taking over and wanting to smash.
It is true. Sorry I am not a
It is true. Sorry I am not a "real" step parent to you. The situation is real. How I ended up in this position is beyond me. I am just hanging on and trying make it from one day to the next. I got more than bargained for. Not all of us have the perfect existance you apparently do.
this post meant for the troll
this post meant for the troll
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
RUN FAR AWAY AND NEVER LOOK
RUN FAR AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK
Either this is a troll, or
Either this is a troll, or OP's bf is lying to her.
That can't take child support from someone that hasn't been legally declared the father. So either bf knew about this kid and signed the birth certificate when said child was born, or he knows its his kids and accepted esponsibility for him now. They wouldn't put a child support peed on someone first and THEN go about seeing if he's the father or not.... Esp 14 years later. They establish paternity FIRST and the child support order comes SECOND.
is that for every state? I
is that for every state? I know child support is hitting him hard because I've been to the child support office with him. The child is based on the west coast and we are in the midwest. I know in my heart of hearts the whole situation is insane. It's not like I haven't been in relationships before but I have developed feelings for the two kids I have met and I do care for them. As much as they fight me and all the drama that comes with their mama, I care about those kids and it is going to hurt to leave.
Leave. You have no children
Leave. You have no children of your own. None with him. No reason to stay with him or settle for his crap. You can work 2 jobs. Live small. Do what you have to do to establish yourself. AFTER you do that, be picky. Choose a good man who has something to offer you and can build a life WITH you. You don't need to settle for a man who needs you to enable him in a mess he made long before he met you.
actually i do work two jobs,
actually i do work two jobs, i am the sole owner of the house, i am a college grad. I am established and before the age of 30. I just don't know how i got here.
run, run, run, run, run,
run, run, run, run, run, pause, run some more
hahahhahahahha. Best advice
hahahhahahahha. Best advice on the page.
Lady! Give your head a
Lady! Give your head a shake!!! GET MOVING! NOW!
Ok seriously..is this post
Ok seriously..is this post for real....what the Hell is the draw to this man..he has no staying power...do you REALLY want to make more freaking babies with this baby machine. Oh god im gonna puke. He will have your babies and leave you too. Take everyones advice...wait no........... Take a page from the other BM`s that left him...they did for probably good reason girl!
yes this post is for real.
yes this post is for real. At first when we met, he told me he had the kids and I was ready to leave it at friends. We did that for a couple months but then I got in a financially shaky position for a few reasons, ultimately dude offered to pay on some bills if he could live with me and I agreed. The pull factors are that I know he will make sure there is food in the house, gas in the car, etc. He provides all basic necessities that I just don't have the funds to pay after student loans, bills, etc. I lost my savings. I have a stack of medical bills. I have no other way to make sure my basic necessities are taken care of and still be able to pay my bills. That is why I have been staying but its getting harder and harder to stay.
HE sounds like my ex!!!
HE sounds like my ex!!!
Statistically speaking, with
Statistically speaking, with the sheer numbers of BMs, he very well could be your Ex.
LMAO
LMAO
I am just SO glad I was
I am just SO glad I was sterilized before I met him. NO babies with that monster, Thank GOD!
From what you say, he's
From what you say, he's emotionally abusive and he basically has nothing to offer you except drama from 7 - 8 kids and a BM that sounds like she's already tried to be physical with you... What on earth would induce you to stay? Yeah, you care about him. Bluntly - you'll get over it. you'll look back at some point and breathe a sigh of relief that you left this abusive baby-making nut. Maybe things aren't supposed to be "easy" but WHY would you seek out something hard on purpose? Things Can be easy. Find a Nice man with no children. One that doesn't make you feel like crap for being a responsible person.
treats me good when he wants
treats me good when he wants and bad when he wants means he has choked me out twice before and two weeks ago tossed me around quite well. financially i am stuck. i already have 3 degrees and 2 jobs and still cannot find the funds to buy my own basic necessities after paying bills.
my family does not live
my family does not live nearby and do not know what is going on. They only know of two of the children. my mom has some health problems and i send money to her to put on medical. thank you for your advice. you are right. i need to leave but I am scared to. And I have no idea why. I worked full time and had a part time job while going to school full time. i came out with 3 degrees in 6 yrs so I know I can make it on my own. Its just, this time, I don't know how to make it on my own without defaulting on bills and I pride myself on handling business. No I don't think that is how a man treats a woman. Good men are hard to find. I guess maybe I am scared to be alone. I don't know. I hate that I am going to have to say goodbye to SD4 and SS6. They can be so difficult to handle at times but there are rewarding times too and I am going to miss them so much knowing I will never see them again.
your probably right.
your probably right.
Yes good hard working
Yes good hard working romantic caring men can be hard to find. But men without several kids by several different women, who WON'T abuse you, are not hard to find. They're all over. You just have to have enough self respect to accept nothing less.
Please do not stay with this guy. It is a horrible decision. I understand you're scared, but aren't you willing to try to overcome your fears to avoid a life full of pain and depression? That is what you're heading for if you don't leave him.
Oh, my god. If you were my daughter I would... I don't even know what I would do. This is my worst fear, my daughter getting involved with this type of guy.
My advice for you is to find some counseling. Find a mental health clinician, print out your entire post, and hand it to him/her. Ask them what they think. See this person at least 10 times. You need to have a serious in depth look with a qualified mental health professional at your self image. You need to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you cannot see that you deserve soooo much better than this.
my life was full of pain and
my life was full of pain and depression before him. He was supposed to take me away from that. But apparently he prayed on it instead. I have been through alot in my life and I am so young for so much pain. Maybe it's easier to just not let anyone in. Maybe it's best to just shut the world out and be alone. Nobody can hurt you that way physically or mentally. Nobody can disappoint you or let you down. Nobody can make you fight back tears because you refuse to give them a single tear from you.
This sounds exactly like my
This sounds exactly like my ex husband. The one who ABUSED me for 8 long years, causing me to lose custody of my only daughter. Yeah, he choked me out a few times too, in front of my girl, telling her that a couple seconds longer and I'd be dead!!! He had me petrified of leaving him, saying my daughter was next on his "hit list"...
They never change. Once I caught him cheating red-handed and filed for divorce, he fled back to his momma's in NC and a few weeks later, had another girlfriend! Yeah, I was his 4th wife, he has 4 kids (that he's aware of) by 2 different women and he abuses anyone and everyone he can.
Yours is the same. Believe me or not - but I only WISH I had someone to help me get away from him sooner. I wasted a long time, lost homes, cars, jobs, friends, family and most importantly, do not have my only daughter with me full time anymore due to that asswipe.
Good luck. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Thank you. I wouldn't say I
Thank you. I wouldn't say I am petrified to leave him, but I am definitely apprehensive. I've only told what happened to two of my friends. They both are urging me to leave as well. I hate that I have to say goodbye to the stepkids. I am going to miss them. I know I have to get out. Is it wrong that I want to "prepare" to leave? And when I say leave I mean break up because the house, car, and all of its contents are mine. I had it all before I even met him. I want to try to have something extra in the bank to fall back on. I already work two jobs so another job is not exactly feasible. Student loans are basically taxing me right now causing things to be a little bit harder than normal. I am glad someone else has lived this crazy life and lived to tell about it. I was starting to feel completely alone. thank you for sharing your story with me. --go redwings!
See if you can get a
See if you can get a deferment on your student loans and KICK THIS LOWLIFE out of your home and your life. Yes, you'll miss the kids. But you know what? You'll have YOUR life back! To do as you please. Will it be hard? Of course. But at least you have a job and a home. You know what I had? A rented condo with rented furniture and a buy-here/pay here Durango that cost me $450 per month! He ruined my credit, ran up utilities all in my name and claimed to be paying on them for 3 months. He took my entire paycheck the day he fled the state. I had to live in my former supervisor's GARAGE in the middle of winter in CO sleeping with piles of blankets and my winter coat on!
I had to eat green beans out of the can for dinner every night for 2 weeks because that's all the food he left me. I had to go to court ALONE against the landlords of the condo we rented and I can't even get utilities in my name now because I'm so far behind. All of this alone, living in a GARAGE, wondering how I'd make my next truck payment because if I didn't, the company would shut down my truck and I wouldn't be able to make it to work. Oh, and speaking of work, it was then almost a 2 hr commute from my friend's home to work. So yeah, gas in an 8 cylinder SUV was way expensive. He ran my credit into the ground so I didn't qualify for anything cheaper. He stole all our money out of savings and my last paycheck and took the fuck off leaving me with everything to handle. My daughter who was only 11 at the time went to live with her dad in Michigan because she couldn't handle his abuse and moving us around so much. I lost my only child because of this monster.
I STILL (and it's been more than 2 yrs) struggle paying everything off he left me with. He did our taxes and ffffed them up so bad the IRS has been garnishing my wages ever since 2008.
But you know what? I'm FREE of him. I never have to feel worthless again. I've lost over 100lbs, I feel great, look awesome and found another man. One who is totally amazing and loves me unconditionally. He'd never hurt me, abuse me, lie or cheat on me.
It's possible. You have a huge head start. Way better off than I was and *I* broke free!
Do it - for YOU. The kids will be fine, they'll move on. So will you. Trust me. If I can do it, so can you!
8 kids, 5 BMs and dude has
8 kids, 5 BMs and dude has the nerve to put his hands on you???!!!
Kick his ass out and find a few roommates. Are you in a college town? If so, you may be able to find college students looking for a place to live?
Check the local women's shelters. They may have working women who aren't able to afford a place of their own.