Hi all. I'm new here. I've been doing the step-mom thing for a little over eight years now. I've had my struggles, ups & downs, and bad days. Overall, it's been a learning experience to say the least. My DH is wonderful with his son (13). SS is a good kid in general. He is no more or less than any other kid that age. DH has always been very careful to not bash or be disrespectful to bio-mom, as have I. She, in general, is not someone I respect. Bio-mom is the type of woman who has child after child even though she can't even pretend to support them, lives off whatever family member will put up with her and her multiple children, doesn't work because she is a “homemaker” (without a home), and refuses the basest logic. She repeatedly uses her children to manipulate people into giving her what she wants. And if you happen to remind her that she chose to have those kids and they are her responsibility, she totally loses her mind. Guilt & fear are her tactics against SS. He is genuinely affectionate and sees the good in people. But he is beginning to exhibit some of her less appealing attributes, such as: refusing to take responsibility for any thing and constantly making poor choices someone else's fault through unfounded, illogical means. DH and I are addressing this head on while not forcing him to see her for what she truly is. We are hesitant to say anything that comes off even remotely confrontational where she is concerned. We believed this approach to be the easiest for SS. It was believed that bio-mom reciprocated this approach. However, we found out that not only has she said some very distasteful things about us, she has also discussed finances with SS as if he can control it, and made SS believe DH & I are wealthy (which isn't true). All of this, because I work. I have always had a good job and therefore been able to afford a nice place to live, a car that runs, and the occasional movie or trip to a nice restaurant. DH & I combine our income for household bills and groceries, but beyond that our money that is left is ours individually. So when bio-mom called to barter with DH about clothes for SS, it came as no shock. (Please understand, we would buy SS the clothes no matter what, but the story continues.) DH agreed to her terms; we were buying SS a new wardrobe. When SS visits we are constantly on the run from one place to the next and have time for nothing. Due to this, the clothes were bought in advance of his next visit. He liked everything, went over and tried them on right away, and actually changed then & there into one of the new outfits. Five pants, nine shirts, and a jacket were sent home with him to wear to school. Bio-mom actually had the nerve to call DH and complain about the clothes. Because we didn't “take” SS to buy them and they were bought for him, because she claimed he didn't like them, because she needed something to complain about. Her back story goes something like this: Had one baby to try to force a man to marry her and it didn't work. So then she had multiples for someone else who did eventually marry her (after beating her up). They separate because he “has issues” and she moves in with a family member. Remember she won't work, so the only income she has is SS support money. That's not enough to even feed all those people. But the brand new clothes that were bought at her request, even though the cs is specifically for things such as clothes, weren't good enough. I just don't know what to do. Because of her twisting of things, SS now believes that we are somehow “wronging” bio-mom because we support ourselves and she doesn't. I realize he is sleeping on someone's couch and living out of a bag. His life is tough enough without bio-mom constantly guilting him because he has things at our house that he doesn't have with her. He's started turning on DH and I with regards to all material things. I just don't know what to do. I can only do so much without DH doing something. I can't go to court and try for custody. My hands are tied and I believe that if this continues, irreparable damage will be done to a kid that is trying as hard as he can. He is a straight A student in accelerated classes. He is at the cusp of a very sketchy age for anyone and I am truly afraid that these behaviors, in conjunction with ones I don't have the stomach to discuss right now, are going to ruin someone who has limitless potential and personality.