He was doing so well... Until last night
DH has been doing great with everything he has said. He is actually helping me around the house with cleaning, being active with the kids, everything. Saturday I had a major car catastophy and wound up having to buy a new car instead of just an oil change and state inspection like I thought I was getting- and he was so great about keeping all 3 kids all day. He came to the dealership to give the one I wanted a test drive and do the whole "man look-over" but then he took all the kids home and let me have peace while I finished the process. He even had dinner when I got home. ( I realize this shouldn't be a big deal, but in my marriage it is!!)
Then last night, I pointed out that SS had let some kid write on his shirt. It was a new shirt that I had bought for back to school and he wasn't even supposed to be wearing to camp anyway so I was pretty mad to see that "andrew" was written in permanent marker on the back. DH got mad too, just not at SS. He was saying that I need to get "andrew's" mom to buy him a new shirt :jawdrop: . UMMM.... Last time I checked, SS said he WANTED "andrew" to do it. This is on SS, he wasn't held down to have this happen.
DH sends SS to bed and says "I don't know what you have against my son, but you need to get over it!" :jawdrop: First, there are a MILLION things I have against you son, so please don't say you don't know what is going on, you are not stupid. Second, I will get over it when your son acts like a human and not a screaming, fit throwing, instigating, disrespectful little shit.
>> End Rant<<
Of course in reality, I sat quietly and did not engage. I just kept reading my raunchy book- at least my hot biker book man is sexy and would do anything for his woman.
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Comments
I'd let this one go. It was a
I'd let this one go. It was a boo-boo on a couple of persons part (IMO).
A shirt not for camp. Ok, but kid wore it anyway. Surely some adult in the house saw what kid was dressed in before kid left house. Shirt written on at camp. Not the best of things to happen, but most kids wear old clothes to camp because unless it's a boring inside camp arts/crafts and dirt is involved. My kids always got a camp shirt (for a fee, camp provided) and last day of camp, yeah it was 'cool' that the kids all autographed your camp tee. Goofy kid fond memories and all that
Sure, SS played a part here too. Has on a no-no shirt, allowed another kid to trash a no-no shirt. I realize your SS has put you through the ringer and caused a lot of headaches, but could you strike this one up to 'kids being kids'? SO is trying really hard (so far) and it was one tiny slip up of a basically small scale (in the thick of the entirety your household is going through). I'm not defending SO but, being it has just been a very short while since you were set to move out (and mostly over SS and fighting over SS), SO has been making a very huge effort to parent and change things around the house... it was only one stupid shirt that managed to slip by...I think I too would have felt drop kicked and wondered why I (SO) was expected to be the only one trying so hard. If his lack of being the 'parent' to his child was a main player in the almost break-up, I think now that he is trying you have to overlook a few minor boo-boos and let him then do the parenting. I think he not only felt you were 'attacking' SS but also himself and all the efforts he's been trying so hard at.
You all have a point. He has
You all have a point. He has been doing much better. I did not get up in arms or raise my voice or anything, I just pointed out that SS was as much a part of this as the other kid and he is responsible for his own things. Then I dropped it.
I just get irritated because I am the one who buys everything for SS so I guess I feel like I am killing myself to provide for 3 kids now and I get crapped on when things like this happen. BUT I just am not going to replace it or even buy winter clothes for him at this point. His dad can deal with it. I have a BS the same age and he is considerate enough to put on play clothes when he knows he will be doing something that will destroy them. He had never intentionally torn his belongings up. This is something SS does regularly. It is just old.
But like you ladies said- let the small stuff go.
It's totally understandable.
It's totally understandable. It would annoy the heck out of me too if I worked hard to provide three kids clothes and one was careless with the clothing. It's not like money and clothing grows on trees and are easy to come by. No, don't replace the shirt. You bought it once, he's make out ok with what he has left in his wardrobe.
To not single him out and make him 'different', but perhaps you could look into some clothing for SS from different sources than for the kids who you know take better care of their belongings. Why pay mall prices for clothes if SS isn't going to take care of them? Sometimes you can find items at a fraction of the price but just as nice and in good condition at goodwill and consignment shops. I don't remember which poster, but I read several times the poster comment on what decent things she always buys and never pays mall/full price for. Just something to consider. And if SO is the one who is going to be buying the winter clothing for SS, he might need a nudge in the direction of where and how to buy clothing that he can afford and still make his son look just as nicely dressed as everybody else.
Something like this might work well, as no big money out and no big deal if SS gets careless. Bright side to the ruin camp shirt, it's not totally ruined. Kid can still wear as play shirt or a sleep shirt. And when it gets cooler this winter it can be an undershirt.