It isn't selfish to get married the way YOU wish to get married. It isn't your family's marriage to plan. The end result is the same...just cheaper & less stressful.

It IS, on the other hand, selfish for your family members to feel that they are entitled to determine how you will get married. You don't owe them a big celebration.

This ticks me off.. why do people have to make things that aren't about them about them? DH and I got married and invited NO-ONE, no skids, no family. The only person (besides the JOP)who was there was my best friend who is also a photographer so she was our witness as well. My mom and family was fine with it, MIL? Was a major PITA right up until the day before. I remember crying and telling DH that we would just invite her because I couldn't deal with her bugging me anymore.. thank GOD I did NOT do that, because our wedding was PERFECT. It was so peaceful and just an absolute beautiful day, nobody to impress, nobody to entertain, it was just about the two of us and we are both so glad that we did it that way.

There is nothing wrong with eloping. Your family needs to accept your decision and understand it's about what you and your DH want.

I do want to caution you about having a "blended family" wedding though. I completely understand the thought process behind that desire. However, you should prepare yourself for some dissent before, during and after the ceremony.

I also tried to have "blended family" vows added to our wedding day. Big mistake. DH's kid barely participated, didn't care and the expensive necklace we bought her to wear has disappeared somewhere in her cave (bedroom).

I just want to suggest your wedding and marriage vows be about the two of you. Not about blending your families. When things start to get rough, it won't be the family committee that works things out. It will be the two people that got married.

These are just my personal thoughts based on my own experiences. If I had to do it all over again, I would have planned our ceremony on a weekend DH's kid wasn't around.

I had a wedding for my mother - worst decision ever - nothing I did was good enough - I didn't thank her enough, I didn't praise the food enough, I didn't kiss her ass enough for inviting people I didn't know or care were there.

I didn't want a wedding, my mother planned the whole thing - I tried to keep it as low key as possible since I was not being given a choice.

To top if off - my mother says things like, I told her I wanted her to elope but she had to have a wedding?!?!?!?!?! What the frig planet was I on then??

Who cares if there is backlash? Did you ever consider that by the two of you not putting your "feet" down, you are setting the tone of your marriage to the rest of your family? You give in and they will continue to try to control your family. If they really want to be a part of your lives they will get over it. We've all been through the hoop-la of the first wedding and don't feel like we'd be missing anything by eloping.

We eloped and got married in Las Vegas. My DH and I absolutely had a blast. We were married at one of the casino chapels. The ceremony was cheap (compared to a regular wedding), beautiful and stress free. However, my DH left his children at home with a sitter because he felt they were too young to go "Adult Disneyland."

We elope. We went to another state to get married and had our honey moon there to.

The backlash: On the way to the other state all I could hear out of my FDH was how he regret his girls aren't going to be in the wedding... That they were not with us. (are you serious) I looked over at him and told him Well I surely did not want the girls on our honeymoon. This trip was about us not a trip for the girls.

the sd's wanted to be in the wedding ( but that is every little girls dream is to dress up and be into somebodys wedding the fantasy does not live to long because they were in their brothers wedding they were excited at first but got very bored quick standing there, you could see they wished it would end soon) They asked a couple times why we didn't have it here I suspect it was the BM nosing around for answers. She was in denile when we got married

My aunt was not happy. It was my first wedding and she wanted to be there my cousin wanted to walk me down cause I told him years ago I didn't think my dad would ever respect anyone who ever I met and decided to marry in my life that I would choose him my cousin to walk me down. Well plans changed. I did not want to get married in my state.

My FDH cousin got pissed. She wanted to plan the wedding. So she pretty much have most of my husband family disown me. My MIL supported the elopeing. My husband aunt wanted me to get married in the State because she wanted me to rub the marriage into my FDH EX's face. I say that because where ever the girls go for a party the BM is there as well as if she needs to be their to Chaperone the girls "her BS of an excuse to be apart of the crowd"

Soooooooooooooooo glad I eloped. Husband finely got off the whole wish the girls was there bit.

Me and DH took off and got married without the kids. We only invited my parents and his parents since it was a 2nd for both of us. It was low key, we stayed overnight at a beautiful hotel and my exhusbands first exwife watched the kids for us.

My sisters were pissed they were not invited. I explained to everyone that this is not about them, its about us! They got over it.

But DH's parents didn't even give us so much as a card. Guess that explains how they felt about us getting married.

We wanted to elope, felt bad about not including parents, decided on a small wedding, and now I wish we had eloped....

Bottom line: You will never please everyone.....I am dealing with this now. We are having a wedding on the beach-50 people originally, now half that. People have complained about the beach/sand. People have complained bc we didn't invite certain people. Family members are fighting with each other. I was nice enough to compromise and now I have people coming I really don't need there. And we are paying for this.

FDH's kids are not coming bc they would cause a scene and tell BM the details and it would be a mess. My family thinks I am being harsh by not including them. I am not including my brother, because he is a mess right now. I do not want him near me. I got flack for that.

I cannot believe how ridiculous people have been.

I have reached the point where I said, whoever comes, comes. I do not care. The important people will be there, and that is all that matters.

Best wishes to you!

We eloped. One very quiet afternoon, just DH and I and two friends as witnesses at his family's property. The whole family was pissed, my girls, his side--SIL1 went into a jealous melt-down (toxic bully) and turned his other two sisters against us, etc. I never got the party MIL wanted to have for me "to welcome me to the family" because SIL1 and DH weren't talking by then....

But you know what? I'd do it again. We wanted just us two, no family drama (ya think?) and it was very meaningful.

Elope. Let the family do whatever they want to honor you afterward.

You will cherish those memories of those tender special moments between you two a lot more than the memories of everybody else stirring the pot.