"It doesn't fall on YOUR weekend, so why do you need to know what he is doing??"
This was the response DH got when he asked BM#2 for the schedules for SS's activities.
I know, right? WTF?! Below is the conversation:
BM: I thought I gave you his schedule?
DH: No, you told me what days he has which activities, and promised schedules as soon as you got them (note: now 6 weeks later).
BM: Oh, well, I only gave you the information that would affect your visitation. I didn't think you wanted anything else.
DH: BM, just because he's not with me doesn't mean I don't have the right to know where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, etc. Besides, our schedule is changing and I might be able to be a little more active in his activities.
BM: Well, like I said, I didn't think that if it fell on your weekend, you wouldn't need to know anything else.
DH: Yeah, I'd like to know. We live by plans and scheduling so yes, please send them to me.
Okay, this seriously confirms for me that this woman is clearly PASing SS, whether she knows she is or not. DH has definitely become more assertive since we are pretty certain she's received the proposed custody agreement modification. So, we'll see.
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Yeah, that's all well and
Yeah, that's all well and good, but now she knows his schedule changed as he just informed her and instead of going, "Okay, I'll get you some schedules." She said, "I don't see how it's your business."
Your comment is heavy on presumption and lacking in guidance.
Um, ya, so I paraphrased.
Um, ya, so I paraphrased. Here's the exact wording.
"It doesn't fall on YOUR weekend, so why do you need to know what he is doing??"
Submitted by pastepmomof3 on Sun, 10/17/2010 - 5:57pm
This was the response DH got when he asked BM#2 for the schedules for SS's activities.
Like I said, the man asked for schedules of activities and got "It's none of your business."
WOW that is somehow changing the woman's words completely?!? I don't think it's MY ability to comprehend what I read that's the problem here.
Perhaps it's your lack of objectivity that is the problem.
Yes, presumptive - that's assuming with an attitude, i.e. audacity. You've got plenty of it.
I wouldn't say PAS, bad
I wouldn't say PAS, bad co-parenting - yes.
But I do believe we don't know enough here about the OP's situation to summarily dismiss the father's assumed "sudden interest."
Perhaps this is not the first time he's had difficulty being more active in his kid's life. Perhaps BM has made it difficult all along.
I thought the suggestions that the OP and her husband get the schedules on their own were helpful. Anything else as to the father's previous involvement or lack thereof, is merely assumption.
What I see is that a father
What I see is that a father is taken an interest in the child's life and what mother would not be thrilled about that - perhaps a BM that likes to make it difficult for the father to take an interest. The child is his as well he has every right to know the schedule whether it is his week or hers - it is his child and no matter why he has not been involved before he is making an effort now -
this burns me particularly because our BM forbids DH's 17 year old son to tell him anything about their life. Since we live 700 miles apart this makes it very difficult when DH calls his son and the conversations are so stilted because SS can not talk at all about his life. We don't care what the BM is doing we just want to know what SS is doing - we have a feeling she has her boyfriend living with them and does not want us to know - we don't care if she has one we don't care if he is living there - we will still pay the same CS - it would just be nice for the conversations to be more than hi how are you good - what's new - nothing - okay talk to you next week - very frustrating also on the flip side every time SS comes to visit us he walks once around the house and then calls BM to tell her all about all of our purchases that happened since the last time he was here. Drives me crazy.
AGREED! DH doesn't care what
AGREED! DH doesn't care what BM is doing; he wants to know what SS is doing.
"What I see is that a father
"What I see is that a father is taken an interest in the child's life and what mother would not be thrilled about that - perhaps a BM that likes to make it difficult for the father to take an interest."
Sometimes looks can be deceiving. This is not the case with the OP, but I know I personally am not "thrilled" with the thought of someone who has basically has been a stranger coming around when they feel like it trying to assert "rights" as though they've been there all along. Others might see it as me being "difficult", but I see it as protecting my CHILD'S "interests".
Actually, she should be
Actually, she should be discussing things that affect him on his weekends before she even signs the kid up for them.
As it is HIS time, how would it be her business if he doesn't even take the kid to the events BM signed the kid up for on his weekends. Now, with the comments I'm seeing here in justifying the BM's behavior that kind of attitude is justified, but is it good for the kid?
I agree that she should be
I agree that she should be discussing with him before signing the child up. It doesn't sound like that's the problem though as it doesn't seem that the father has a problem with taking the child to the activity, rather he wants to be there even when it's BMs time. Worse, he thinks he has a right to know EVERYTHING the child is going to be doing, everyone the child will see, and everywhere the child will go while with BM.
I don't see a complaint in the OP that the mother signed the kid up for something on dad's time without dad's consent. If that were the case I'd say the BM was wrong. What I see is a reverse of something a lot of BMs try to do to the dads, ie, control what the dad can do with the kids on his time.
There aren't many of us who would tolerate that kind of control from the BM so why should the father be allowed to do it to her?
I agree with what you're
I agree with what you're saying, but the OP said he asked for schedules and I took that to mean, things like soccer, recitals, etc.
I think he has every right to be at those types of events even on her time. She's at those things on his time so ... Maybe it's a miss communication and if he worded it to her exactly like it was written her, I'd tell him it's none of his business too, but if he said "Hey, can I get the soccer schedule or the school schedule you told me you'd give me 6 weeks ago?" and she said it's none of your business, I'd think BM was just being a bitch in that scenario.
Yeah, it could be that way.
Yeah, it could be that way. We don't have enough info to tell.
Just the attitude that the dad has a right to know everywhere they go, everyone they see, and everything they do on mom's time - 'in case of an emergency' - struck a nerve with me because dad does NOT have that right.
Completely agree....it is
Completely agree....it is controlling. I don't ask my exh for a detailed log of what the boys do on his time-and he doesn't ask me-other then game times schedule-which i give him but he's capable of getting on his own.
My bf's exwife tries to do what the OP is describing and she can go jump in a lake.
By the time I responded to
By the time I responded to this at all, the OP had already clarified that games, recitals, etc. was what they were looking for.
Totally agree, the knowing everything / controlling bit would be unacceptable and none of the other parent's business.
"Just the attitude that the
"Just the attitude that the dad has a right to know everywhere they go, everyone they see, and everything they do on mom's time - 'in case of an emergency' - struck a nerve with me because dad does NOT have that right."
Agreed.
Thanks stepmasochist for
Thanks stepmasochist for helping me out here - feeling a little roasty toasty right about now.
Yes - he just wants to know general schedules - SS is in boy scouts and dance - BM promised them at the start of school and have yet to see them. PoisonApples has successfully manipulated this whole conversation to turn DH into a conieving BM and that is truly not the case. Again, DH does not give a shit about her - he just wants to know what his kid is in and if there is something going on that he can support him in (such as a parade or recital), he should be allowed to do it. He's not stalking or interfereing or being manipulative.
And you know what else - is it really such a bad thing to ask for schedules so you know when he might actually be able to talk to his son on the phone? I don't need to know the blood type of his teacher or anything else, but knowing that SS will be at the church for boy scouts from 6:30 to 8:30 on Tuesday is not a crime. And you know, i think in a court, the judge would agree that DH has a right to know that.
I still don't understand why
I still don't understand why he doesn't just get the schedules from the scout leader and the dance teacher himself.
PoisonApples has successfully manipulated this whole conversation to turn DH into a conieving BM and that is truly not the case
I'm sorry you took it that way. Some of what you said is EXACTLY, word for word, what BM has said to us in the past and we told her to go f herself. It's none of her business. Why is it OK for the dad to do it when there is near universal agreement that it is NOT OK for BM to do it?
knowing that SS will be at the church for boy scouts from 6:30 to 8:30 on Tuesday is not a crime. And you know, i think in a court, the judge would agree that DH has a right to know that.
Well, I am very sure that you are wrong about that unless Tuesday nights are HIS night.
No, there wasn't anything
No, there wasn't anything written because there is discussion of activities being set up, at the beginning. It's the follow-through that is the problem. DH is aware of the activity and if there is something that occurs on his weekend. Other than that, that's it. What I'M saying is that DH asked for a copy of the schedules so he could be a little more involved and maybe attend some things that are outside of his visitation, such as a parade or presentation. That's it.
It is NOT for BM to decide
It is NOT for BM to decide what DH should/shouldn't do or can/can't go to of SS's. Yes, maybe a nice gesture by only giving him information that directly affects him, but, by not providing the entire schedule and letting DH decide what he can/can't or should/shouldn't go to, i see this as her controlling what DH is involved in, therefore a form of PAS.
And for the record, we have gone to the school and gotten the calendar and schedules of school activities, so that is taken care of, but as far as the extra-curricular activities, we don't have any information so makes it difficult to go right to the coach.
I don't think I'll agree with
I don't think I'll agree with most people on this one.
We do things with the skids on weekends and I sure the F don't want BM to show up there. In fact, if she did I'd accuse her of stalking us.
While it's great that dad wants to be involved in activities on mom's time, I think if the same activity also occurs on dad's time, which it obviously does, then it's OK if mom doesn't want dad around when she's taking the child as long as mom isn't around when it's dad's turn.
Obviously they don't have a great co-parenting relationship so it's probably better for everyone that they don't try to be at the same thing at the same time. The kid would surely pick up on the negative dynamics.
Now if BM is going to the activity when it's dad's time but not wanting him to come when it's her time that's a different problem but if she's being fair then I guess I'm on her side on this one.
Maybe she should give him the info but ask him to please leave her and the child alone when it's her time and she'll do the same when it's his time.
DH doesn't want to go to
DH doesn't want to go to everything that SS is doing, and certainly/definitely doesn't want to be anywhere near BM. The issue is that things that are open for parents to attend, such as recitals, presentations, games, parades, etc., should be open for either party. BM has attended events that SS was at that were held on DH's visitation weekend and that wasn't a problem. But my feeling on it is let DH decide what he wants to go to on his "free time". He most likely will not go but it is not for her to make that decision.
In addition, DH has a right to know where his son is and what he is doing, even if it is church group or practice. He's not going to run up in there and verify like some lunatic, but it's good to know in case of an emergency or something of that nature.
Trust me, DH could give 3 shits about BM or what she puts SS in - it's just the point that she should provide the schedule and DH will do what needs done.
Well, why doesn't your DH
Well, why doesn't your DH find out for himself what the schedules are?
He has every right to get that information. Why does he expect BM to provide it? She's not his DW anymore so he should stop treating her like one.
In addition, DH has a right to know where his son is and what he is doing, even if it is church group or practice.
I think if you push this in court you'll find out that you are wrong. We do not have to tell BM everywhere we go, everyone we see, everything we do and BM doesn't have to tell YOU.
Yes. The CP is required to
Yes. The CP is required to provide information to NCP regarding SS's education, health, extra curriculars, etc.
Umm lol-with the BM here.
Umm lol-with the BM here. Coming from someone who normally didn't care at all what the kids did on the wknds there with me-it was never about "witholding" information from him-he just never cared to know-so now he is. That's not PAS. That's dad suddenly showing more involvement and that' ok-not a reason to get pissed at the BM about.
As for games and such-typically...whatever sport he's in when he's with you guys that wknd is the sport he's playing that season-so you CAN contact the coaches to get his full schedule.
Other then that I don't see why she needs to inform you of any other extra-curricular activities on her wknds w/him. What "activities" are you referring to?
Yeah - this bit: DH: BM, just
Yeah - this bit:
DH: BM, just because he's not with me doesn't mean I don't have the right to know where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, etc.
If BM said that to us, which she has, SO would tell her to jump in the lake. It's NONE of her business what we do when they are with us.
I can understand your DH's
I can understand your DH's wanting to know what is going on with his son, BUT I can tell you that if we got a text message from BM telling us that she wanted schedules, wanted to know what SS was doing, when etc. my hubby would flip the heck out and I would be posting on here about what a nutcase BM was.
How old is your SS? can't he just call his father when he has a game or dance or whatever and let him know the details? My SS is 11.5 and that's pretty much what we did, he gave us his soccer schedule and then if there were changes or what have you, he would call his dad and let him know.
I don't think there is
I don't think there is anything wrong with expecting the custodial parent to provide the non-custodial parent with activity schedules, especially if it is something the custodial parent signs the child up for, or vice-versa. As said earlier, DH is not a nutcase and will not stop by to make sure SS is where BM says he is or whatever. It's an FYI type of thing so he knows where his son is, in case there's an emergency.
But you know, when SS came to our house this weekend and asked if we would be coming to his parade (which occurs in the middle of the week), we have the "deer in the headlight" look because we're blindsided. So really, what I'm hearing, is that it's okay for DH to look like an asshole because he doesn't go to the parade because he didn't know about it because it didn't fall during his visitation? Whatever.
SS is 8. Why should the responsibility be on the kid to provide the parent with details about their activity that the other parent signed them up for? Especially not for an 8 year old who barely knows what day it is. I don't agree with that practice, particularly at that age. When he's a little older, maybe, but not right now.
In this age of mobile phone
In this age of mobile phone access just about everywhere, why does he need to know where the child physically is at all times?
I think you need to step back and look at the bigger picture. This attitude could really come back to bite you in the future.
A lot of us here deal with a controlling BM who thinks she has the right to keep tabs on what the kids do with dad on his time. You seem to be doing the same to the BM in reverse.
If dad knows what activities the child has then dad has a right to get the schedules. If it's through school then he can go get them. Why does BM have to provide it. I sure the hell don't think we have any obligation to provide BM with schedules for things we do on OUR time and she can demand and stomp her feet and shout about how she has a 'right to know in case there's an emergency' all she wants, she still is NOT going to be given a minute by minute accounting of what we are doing on our weekends.
If these are school activities then dad needs to get his arse down to the school and find out the schedule himself. BM is not his wife anymore and she's not his secretary. If the activities fall sometimes on dad's time then dad needs to take responsibility for getting schedules from coach or leader or whoever is in charge. If these are activities that BM signed child up for that never fall on dad's time and BM does not choose to include dad, then she has a right to do that.
When child asks why dad isn't coming dad can say 'that's something you do with your mom and I'm not involved. It's OK for you to do things just with her and it's OK to do things with me that don't involve her'. Simple.
PA - i'm sorry that this post
PA - i'm sorry that this post has rubbed you the wrong way but you need to step back and think about what you're saying. Not once did I EVER say that DH asked for a minute-by-minute account of everything SS did - if he asked for that, "I" would've told him to jump in a lake. What he asked for was SS's schedules. There is absolutely nothing unreasonable about this. I'm sorry that your experiences with your crazy BM's has you in such a tear, but your situation is not the same as mine.
We bought SS a cell phone (even though he is
and he doesn't use it. He's not allowed to take it with him anywhere, per BM, so what then?
OH, and BTW, the whole "she's not his secretary" bit - yeah, i've seen that one in court. His 1st XW went into domestic relations saying "I'm not his secretary" blah blah blah, and the judge told her that while she was not "HIS" secretary, she was their daughter's secretary and she would be responsible for providing the schedule and school information to him. Let's face it, there are things that go home that are not sent to the NCP, no matter how many mailing lists you are on or how many emails are sent.
We bought SS a cell phone
We bought SS a cell phone (even though he is and he doesn't use it. He's not allowed to take it with him anywhere, per BM, so what then?
LOL
If you read back you'll find many, many posts from SMs complaining because BM bought the kids cell phones and sent them to dad's house with them. I believe the consensus is that it is controlling behaviour on the part of BM and the best thing to do is to confiscate the phone when the child comes over and return it to them when they go back to BMs.
Look, the problem I have with a lot of what you said is that the reverse is discussed here ad nauseum and almost without exception the consensus is that the BM who is demanding to know everything is in the wrong.
DH is not demanding to know
DH is not demanding to know everything. He simply asked her for the schedules that she promised to provide previously. There is nothing wrong with this. This is a big difference from what is discussed daily on this site of BM's being stalkers and harrassers and making our DH's (and our) lives living hells. My issue is pretty mild in comparison to what people go through on this site on a daily basis, but that does not discredit the frustration, irritation, or annoyance that is caused by the BM. It's called venting.
I personally don't think this
I personally don't think this is an example of PAS, but it is an example of poor co-parenting. I feel like no matter what you are CP or NCP, if you want to know your child's activities, you should be allowed to.
If one parent misuses this in an attempt to make the other parent's life a living hell, that would be a separate issue.
Agreed - poor co-parenting
Agreed - poor co-parenting would be the better term I guess. But i completely agree about all of what you said. Thank you.
This is a very lucid,
This is a very lucid, informative and helpful response.
I don't think I've ever heard the term "separate sphere parenting." I've heard of it in practice on this site, but it's good to have a phrase for it.
Just wanted to jump in here-I
Just wanted to jump in here-I don't know how court orders are worded in your states, but it is pretty standard here in Florida that there is joint legal, sole physical. DH's papers specifically state that Bm is to keep him informed of activities, schedules, dr appts, and so on.
My papers from my divorce say the same thing....and so do most of my friends papers. Maybe its just a given here? Our Bm had her ass handed to her by the judge for NOT giving us the information, and that was one of the reasons (among many) that he told her she might lose custody.
In our case, BM would not give schedules or information. She wouldn't even tell us that SD was signed up for anything, and she kept taking DH's name off of everything at the school. We live almost 3 hours away, and there is a lot you can't accomplish over the telephone. Then, BM would tell the kids that DH was a sorry piece of crap and didn't WANT to attend these functions, and she knew full well that DH had no idea anything was even going on.
I guess things have changed
I guess things have changed then.
There wasn't anything like that when I was divorced in America int he 80's and there isn't anything like that where I live now.
I'm not so sure I like it.
School, yes I can agree with that. Anything that might fall on the other parent's weekend, sure that has to be agreed up front.
I think if we had that here it would stop us from signing the skids up for anything because BM would be right there controlling it and the better option would be to do nothing rather than deal with her.
This makes sense and
This makes sense and definitely there is no co-parenting going on with us.
We do sign them up for things on our time, summer camps, swimming, etc and we don't tell her. If she knew she'd be there causing trouble. If we had to tell her, we wouldn't sign them up for anything.
OTOH, remembering when my own kids were small, I coached the soccer and softball teams, my ex coached the hockey teams and we all usually attended. He and I rarely conversed though. There wasn't animosity, there was just indifference.
Aggravated1 - YES, this is us
Aggravated1 - YES, this is us too. It is written into the custody agreement that the CP is to keep the NCP abreast of all information pertaining to SS's education, health, extra-curricular activities, etc. This is why I keep saying that DH asking for these schedules is not him being a psycho stalking BM that he's been turned into!
Well, I know it was in the
Well, I know it was in the standard forms for us, so we just never questioned it otherwise. We have tried to get schedules, report cards, stuff like that on our own, but she would throw up roadblocks every time.
It sounds like your stuff is worded like ours is. I guess a lot of other people's papers aren't though, judging by the response on the board. I know our BM was warned for not keeping DH informed.
DH actually charged XW#1 with
DH actually charged XW#1 with contempt for this very reason - she was making all kinds of decisions and enrolling SD in things and BM knew nothing about it. The breaking straw was the EOB we received for SD's visit to the psychologist.
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with requiring this stuff. The whole reason they have it in place is to create an atmosphere for the child that is almost like it would be if the parents were together. (Same ideology when figuring up child support payments)
When you have people living in different countries, opinions will differ no doubt, but when you have something in writing signed by a judge spelling out everything that is required, there's hell to pay if you go against it.
Thanks for your support on this A1.
Yes, that's how it was with
Yes, that's how it was with me too.
He could get the info and I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to stop him but it sure wasn't MY responsibility to give it to him and it only applied to school and medical. I was under NO obligation to provide him with schedules about activities I enrolled them in like dance or karate or sports.
I would think a ruling like that would cause parents to decide that activities weren't worth the trouble.
What if you're walking around
What if you're walking around town and on a whim join a child's painting party or workshop? Are you obligated to call the ex and tell them? Could you be held in contempt if you didn't?
I just don't see how this could work.
So I wonder does DH sudden
So I wonder does DH sudden involvement and need to know or as previous poster...intent to go co-parent then seperate sphere as before...has this changed since he married you. Because I DO see a lot of that on this site. SM comes on board and is ready to change the previous setting and try things her way. She'll sometimes pester or vent to dh to do things her way. When neither parent may have had an issue on their co-parenting or sphere parenting before.
Step back I'd say...big picture. If he's not planning on attending mostly-then why shoudl she provide what's going on with her time w/her child?
He CAN contact boy scouts and school and coaches to get schedules. Honestly I don't think this is a battle worth PRESENTING in the first place..when it really just sounds about aseerting ones control/authority. I mean, why now?
She doesn't have to comply really. In case of emergency??? really-i'm going to buy that?? I mean this is just a stupid power play on your dh and your part honestly.
Who has primary physical custody by the way?
In the case of my DH,
In the case of my DH, although he wanted very much to be more involved in his kids' lives, he felt powerless to do anything about it.
So, yes, things changed when I came onboard and it's not because I had my own agenda. The status-quo upset him greatly and me as well because I saw his suffering. I merely let him know he had options ... so he gained the confidence to "buck the system" so to speak. And boy did he ...
The issue for me on this is
The issue for me on this is the double standard. If it were a BM making these demands of the father everyone would be talking about what a controlling bitch she is.
My DH is CP. I guess we
My DH is CP. I guess we co-parent because I try to give BM that info. It's not hard for me to pass along a email from the school or a schedule. If she asks when the next game is I tell her. If I don't know right off the top of my head and don't have the schedule near me, I give her the coach's phone number.
I don't like talking to her. I don't like seeing her at games and recitals, but I know it's better for the kids so I suck it up and help her to participate.
So I don't think of it as being controlling that she asks for info on what they are doing.
If it had come out as I need their daily itinerary for the next month, ya, that would be a bit much. But as she's had SD11 on an electronic chain (cellphone) for the last 2 years, that hasn't come up.
The boy is 8 - he has only
The boy is 8 - he has only been in activities for the last 3 years. And of the last 3 years, the last 2 have not been a problem because she provided the full schedule, regardless of whether it was DH's visitation or not.
Sueu2 - you make many assumptions, as do many people here. When we don't have the information, we assume. I understand. However, DH has been involved in SS's life the whole time, even after I came into the picture, because like DH, I want what is best for the kid. I think DH should be more involved than he is but also understand our limitations of which you know nothing about.
To be clear, I, nor DH, give a flying rat's ass what BM thinks. Period. DH asked for the schedules so he can be "in the know" of SS's activities. What is so fucking wrong with that people?! Seriously!? The kid comes to our house and asks if we're going to his parade. We know nothing about it. Is it fair to the kid to say, "well sweetheart, your mom didn't tell us about the parade so no, we won't be there"?? Um, speaking poorly of the other parent in front of the child is a BIG no-no! Or as someone else suggested "that is during your mom's time, and that's okay because that's her time and I have my time"? I think that is fucked up personally, especially since it is an event open to the public. I knew about the parade - didn't know he would actually be performing in it until this weekend. Would've been nice to know.
DH doesn't know where he dances, so he can't get that schedule. We know SS's teacher is Ms. Julie -- c'mon people - that's really gonna get me far. Ms Julie with a dance studio? Anyone? Anyone? gimme a break!
He's contacted the school - they don't have a mailing list. He's contacted the teacher but everything she has gets sent home. They don't want to get in the middle of battling ex's and kids so they just don't. Trust me - DH AND I are constantly on the phone trying to figure out this stuff so we don't have to inconvenience BM by asking her to submit something she is legally required to send according to their custody agreement.
Yeah, that was our bm
Yeah, that was our bm too-even when I printed a schedule for her-she did still like to call and ask when his activities were. Duh, look at your schedule. At one point, I was also printing a year long schedule of w/e's and holiday time, because she was too lazy to look at the parenting guidelines-and yes, she did drive a 3 hour roundtrip before to pick him up when it wasnt even her w/e-so to avoid that i made the schedule. I stopped worrying about that crap along time ago and let bm and dh figure it out on their own now.
Wow lots of different views
Wow lots of different views here. When we were custodial-I would take ss's copy of his schedule for whatever activity he was in-copy it-and send or give it to her. It had all games, activities listed-the coaches name and number. I did this without asking because as a parent I would want to know. Now did she show up on our w/e's to activities-well no not at all-BUT she did at times reference it-for example if she wanted to trade a weekend or had some things going on-she would actually look at the schedule to see how his activities might fit into her plans (wow maybe she is not as bad a bm as I thought). We are an hour away from each other. Now that she is custodial-dh gets a schedule of nothing, but never complains so I dont say anything about it. But there are times when we are in his town on a w/e that's not ours and if he had an event we might be able to stop by and see it. To me that's good parenting, not stalking. Both parents have a right to be at each and every event of their child's no matter whose "time" it is. As a bm myself-I cant imagine anyone telling me that they have the kids on such and such an evening and so I didnt need to know what they were doing. Yikes! I dont think the op's dh needs to know everytime the kid wipes his butt-but any sort of extracurriculars, school activities, etc-he should have access to that sort of info and the freedom to attend whenever he likes.
I agree with you. I am a BM
I agree with you. I am a BM as well and that would upset me if I didn't at least know what they were doing. I don't need a play-by-play of everything the kid is doing but it would be nice to know what the kid is doing and if i'm able to attend and support.
I suppose it's all a difference in the dynamics of the family setting.
that's funny, b/c dh & i
that's funny, b/c dh & i couldn't give a rat's ass what skids do when it's not our court ordered time.
I appreciate your input. I
I appreciate your input. I agree with you. DH wouldn't just show up to a private birthday party -- in fact, parties that were initially started jointly turned into BM's parties because DH didn't want the drama to be there for SS's party.
This whole idea of NCP involvement in extra-curricular activities, let alone knowledge of, seems to be a foreign concept. :O