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MIL & BM up in arms because I told them that my marriage is my 1st priority

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:03am

So, MIL calls DH and asks him why I told BM that my marriage is my first priority...DH hands me the phone. I asked MIL why she felt the need to be involved in a discussion between the parents anyway and what she thought the correct order of things should be. Her response was that those kids are having a really hard time dealing with things and they should be a the top of everybody's list of priorities right now. I kindly explained that my list is non-negotiable, that perhaps if her list had been ordered a little differently then maybe her husband would have been a little happier, and that I would thank her to stay outof my business in the future. I then called BM and explained that if she felt her children are being neglected in my care, I could have them at the airport by noon.

Comments

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:08am

Katrinkie,

I am completely over the nuetral approach! It didn't work, so I'm moving on to something a little more in-your-face (which suits me better anyway!)

IslandofDreams's picture

Submitted by IslandofDreams on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:21am

Good for you! I hate that he said/she said BS. If MIL wants clarification about something you said then she needs to talk to you not DH!!

What was BM's reaction? Are the kids still there?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:27am

Of course!!! LOL! BM is just crying wolf....she would do anything to be rid of them for any amount of time...whenever I threaten to send them back, I get amazing cooperation from that side of the table. It's sad, really.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:45am

Seriously? your husband should have dealt with his own mother. My (x)husband never stood up for me either with his parents. I just couldn't respect a guy like that.

Those kids shouldn't be YOUR priority anyway. That's why they have PARENTS. You married a man who just happened to have children.

Purpleflower09's picture

Submitted by Purpleflower09 on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 11:56am

GOOD FOR YOU GIRL! I love people who know how to hand it back on a silver platter and I could not have said something better myself. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your marriage...right on.

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 12:15pm

I don't know about an inspiration, StepMadre, but enough is enough Wink

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 12:05pm

I was always taught that the husband and wife should prioritize their marriage and everything else will fall in line.

IslandofDreams's picture

Submitted by IslandofDreams on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 12:09pm

You are right. Eventually, the children grow up and leave. And they build their own families.

Then it is just you and your spouse.

trysohard's picture

Submitted by trysohard on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 12:27pm

I agree...how else would raising children work if husband and wife couldn't even stand eachother.

Purpleflower09's picture

Submitted by Purpleflower09 on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 1:24pm

That would be the natural order. When 2 people put effort and time into their marriage, it may not be perfect, but it's good and the kids see this and how 2 people should be in a relationship. When 2 kids see love between the parents it makes thie children feel loved and happy in the home, thus you are putting the childrens happiness in priority too by being good to eachother ( husband and wife)

annoyed's picture

Submitted by annoyed on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 6:26pm

I agree with that too!!! That is sooooo AWESOME!!!!!!!!! I have had my MIL and BM try to step in and tell my husband he needed to go see his kids more and could go see his kids out of state without me if we cant both afford to fly there....Wrong....I am married to him....I think my hubby is seeing who should come first in his life (me and our marriage) since his kids dont call him often only when they want money. I told my hubby if he wanted to go by himself then when he got back I would not be here.....

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 12:56pm

I used to feel bad about "mouthing off" to my elders (MIL), but when it comes to my marriage, all bets are off...she's fair game when she steps out of line.

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 1:41pm

I know how it is, I'm really passive agressive with my MIL, who still thinks DH's kids are "going through Hell" because of he and BM's divorce. P.S., they were divorced 6 years ago and were separated a full year before that. SS's were 2 and 4 when they separated, and the youngest doesn't even remember the two of them being together. I got together with DH 2 months after the divorce was finalized, so all they really know is the two of us together anyway. I pretty much made it clear from the get-go with both MIL and BM that they weren't going to tell me what to do or make me reorder my priorities in any way. They can suggest things, but when they do, I just say, "Yeah, I'm not going to do that." And that's the end of it 99% of the time. It helps that I have a much stronger personality than my MIL and that BM knows I'm much smarter than she is, so she can talk all she wants, but the few times it ever comes down to me talking to her, she basically shuts up and agrees with everything I say. I like my MIL, but I also have to make sure she knows that she's not in charge of anything about me or my DH.