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Peace and Quiet is Over

prayerhelps's picture

The BM has emerged again. Shame---DH has not taken a Pepcid for over 2 weeks (been three weeks since an email and phone calls been short and sweet)---sex has gotten mega great again due to less stress this woman can cause both of us. I know, I know---shouldn't let someone else effect us so much--we try not to, but unfortunately her ugly head rearing does stress us out.

DH got two okay emails from BM yesterday---fine, fine, fine---nothing nasty. Then BM's mom calls to talk to SD, the BM calls to take to SD--and then a nasty email titled----NON-compliance of court order-----WHY? SD is excited that DH is considering letting her be on Step team. They discussed last night, he told SD he would write BM this morning to tell her his thoughts, get her feedback before decision was made---SD instead tells BM about it and says "I will get dad to email information to you." BM tells her something about how there is no point, you dad is going to do what he wants anyway no matter what I say (poor ole me syndrome)

We then explained to SD---AGAIN--about not sharing that stuff w/BM til DH can email her b/c gets BM all riled up---lalala---I even suggested next time she say---"BM, Dad is going to email you about this tomorrow, but I was just so excited to share this with you that I am interested in this and dad thinks it it great....." SD16 understand how her BM is, but still doesn't get it sometimes.

So now we get email. These are the emails that are so hard for me to NOT respond to myself, and say---"BM, I was there, DH is not NOT informing you of extracurricular activities, SD just told you before he did. What is wrong with that? Are we suppossed have SD hide things from you that she is excited about so you don't immediately start blaming DH and threaten contempt. That is not how we work in our house. We want the kids to share w/BM. But in future, we will be sure not to even discuss with an almost 17yo that we are going to let them do something until we discuss w/you---ARGHHHHH

Comments

Sara_Smile22's picture

Control freak is what comes to mind. I guess there is technically a legal contract that you have to get permission or 'inform' but I seriously doubt a judge would intervene over a day or so time gap and particularly at your SD's age. Frankly, I don't see why things like that can't be communicated between her daughter and herself...why doesn't SD as her own mother if she thinks it's ok and Dad remove himself completely except for the CYA formality? If Mom wants to object, then she does it to SD....but sounds like she won't. I know my Ex reacts more to the feeling of being controlled by my decisions about the kids than about the actual decisions being made.

prayerhelps's picture

I agree completely. She is almost 17. If she wants to do something, as long as parents are willing to support her, why does DH have to inform. BM just wants something to blame DH on and rile things up.