Stopped Listening
Up until recently my SD11 and I use to be really close. Now we aren't that close anymore. She has bonded with her BM which is awesome! but BM is jealous or just doesn't like having another mom in her dtr life and now that DH and I are married things have gotten worse. I don't know if BM has alot to do with this, but SD11 doesn't listen to anything I tell her. We were heading to the trailer and she had packed 3 bags of Barbie toys. I went into her room on 3 different occasions and asked her not to bring more than one bag. My DH and I went to get in the car and we were wondering where SD11 went. I said to DH she must have snook her barbie's out to the car because I told her I only wanted her to bring one bag. Well sure enough when we got to the car SD11 was sitting in her seat and there was 3 bags of Barbie's in the truck. What did I do so wrong that she doesn't listen to me anymore. She listens to her dad? I now tell her dad to tell her things because she won't listen to me. It's scarey how one day you wake up and your kid doesn't listen to you anymore. My SD is a very smart child, but recently has become a handful and I feel like i don't even know her anymore. I feel very uncomfortable around her now. My husband isn't the responsible one in our family so I constantly feel like I am the bad person. I sure hope he steps things up now that she is getting to her teens and seems like she is going to be a handful or more like her mother. God helps us! I love her to pieces and I know I didn't do anything wrong.
She even lashed out at us because she had to sit in my lap while we drove down a country road to our neighbours. When she went to open the door she said she was going to fall out, but I had a hold of her. She yelled at her dad and said that she was going to fall on the ground and does he care. We had to sit in the car and have a talk about her attitude. She said she was grumpy because she was bored. I just don't know how to please her anymore and it makes me feel less like trying every time she acts like a child. Why do our children revert back to children when they hit their teens. Feels like we have to reteach them everything again.
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I would NOT go through my DD
I would NOT go through my DD tween years again for any amount of money!! Tween girls are terrible at best.
I have no advice because it is soooo different since it is a step. Good luck
My Sd9 is the same way.
My Sd9 is the same way. Listens to dad, but purposely goes out of her way to not listen to me. I pretty Mich just ignore her now. I ask all the kids a question (how was your day at school?) And everyone answers but her. I tell her to do things only when I must, and when she doesn't listen I just ignore her. She can face the consiquences for her bad choices, I am not fighting with her anymore. Do t want to shower when I ask? Fine, I won't mention it again and you can stink. Don't bring me youraundry to wash, fine by me....I guess you'll have no clothes. Don't put on nice clothes for a party like I asked? Ok, you can be the one girl there in a tshirts and shorts looking like a bum while all the other girls are in looking super cute in nice dresses and skirts.
Thanks and I agree Tween
Thanks and I agree Tween years are going to be hard especially since I am not biological mom and that's what she needs during her tween years. We are close, but I think with the way her mom is and how vulnerable SD11 is right now. I am in for a rough couple of years and so is DH. I am glad that he knows when to stand his ground. It was interesting on the weekend because if you see my past blogs she wrote DH a letter about her feelings. Alot of it was fabricated from BM, but my DH brought it up last weekend when SD was lashing out and she turned to him and said why do you have to keep referring back to that, can't you move forward!!! I think she was feeling guilty about writting that letter and hurting us. DH said to her yes I am going to keep bringing that up because I use it to better myself as a parent because it was your cry for me to improve our relationship. Which is right of him to do that. This is why you talk things out and not avoid your problems by hiding at mommy's. We never did anything wrong to her in the first place for her to write that letter. She just got caught up in her mother's antics. That is why she shouldn't go to her mother's house and complain because BM contorts everything into something bad. ARRRR!!!!
I agree my Biodaughters tween
I agree my Biodaughters tween years were terrible too! LOL! I feel for you. I think it sounds more like a faze that kids go through. But if you haven't been there before (like me) its hard to perpare yourself. I'm headed there now with my SS. I'm not looking forward to it. Hopefully boys will be easier than girls.
Next time stick to the rules. You should have got out of the car and asked her which bag of toys she was taking because the rest were going back in the house. Period one bag only. Don't start giving now, cause it only gets worst. Its a battle for who is boss. I'm the stronger disciplinary person out of me and my DH. Although he has step up alot in the last 3 years since we have had full custody. Alot of the time I feel like I'm the bad guy because I stay on SS alot. Mostly over being respectful. My girls came by it natural, but with ss son I feel like I am always reminding to watch how he talks and to show respect.
Ya see I am too nice even
Ya see I am too nice even though I am the more responsible one. I just hate having our short visits turn into a battle, but it is what it is weather she is with us for 3 days or more. My husband I are her parents regardless and if she isn't going to respect us then it won't be fun at our house and she can stay at her mom's if it's more fun there, because I know that will change as well.